


atin

by thefullergirl



Series: tayo [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Kinda, Lots of it, M/M, MY BABIES, Mentions of homophobia, Mild Sexual Content, but i don't actually write them doing it, everyone is a supportive friend!, implied depression, isko fic, nothing too heavy i promise, side renmin, this is purely self-indulgent, this is really just them being sweet and domestic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:28:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 42,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25205488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefullergirl/pseuds/thefullergirl
Summary: His boyfriend never leaves his side, a steady, warm presence. Hyuck looks up at him, looks at the boy he loves with everything he has, and he knows that the world may not always be the safest place, but he’s safe here.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno
Series: tayo [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826008
Comments: 16
Kudos: 75





	atin

**Author's Note:**

> oh god this took me so long to write but i didn't want to give up on it ;; i love them so so so much, and i just wanted to give them a little fluffy something! 
> 
> this is the second installment to my isko fic series, but you don't have to read the first one to read this! if you do, though, [here's](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24860743) the link to that~
> 
> if you've come from that one, this one has some heavier themes. if you'd like to skip the part with the implied assault, just stop at the part that goes _nuzzling at him and whispering a soft “Thank you.”_ and you can skip the whole section after that and go to the one that starts with _It’s about 6 years since_. the assault is not done by any of the mains. stay safe and please do heed the tags!
> 
> this fic is very much set in the ph, so customs, food, and terms are based on my own experiences! if you need any help in explaining the terms, i have my cc in the notes at the end~
> 
> i do hope you enjoy this fic, as much as I've loved writing it ♡  
> (also this is not beta-ed at all sorry asjfdk)
> 
> [tayo series carrd](https://tayoseries.carrd.co/)

**[ A T I N ]** **  
** **pronoun** **  
** **\- our; ours; us**

  
When Hyuck comes back to their dorm, he sees Jeno already bent over the table, head in his hands, laptop open to what looks like a whole bunch of graphs. He barely notices when Hyuck closes the door behind him and sets his bag down with a _thump_.

“Hey,” Donghyuck greets, toeing off his shoes. He walks up to his boyfriend, wraps his arms around him. “How long have you been working?”

Jeno sighs, leaning into him. He takes off his glasses, and they almost clatter on the desk with how he carelessly puts them down. “I dunno. My last class ended at 2.”

It’s past 8 in the evening. Hyuck embraces him tighter, nuzzling into him. “Time to rest, baby.”

His boyfriend makes a little sound of protest, but it’s weak. “I need to finish my presentation for tomorrow–”

“You’ve been working for 6 hours straight,” Donghyuck says, firm. “At least eat first.”

He looks like he’s about to protest again, but Jeno eventually sags against him. He’s so tired, and Hyuck can see it plainly. There’s nothing Hyuck hates more than to see him like this pretty much every day.

Pressing a kiss to his temple, Hyuck tells him, “Come on. I’ll buy you tonkatsu.”

Jeno nods, silent. He manages to get out of his desk chair, nearly falling into Hyuck’s arms. Hyuck kisses him all over his face. He loves this big baby so damn much.

They walk out hand in hand, and that’s something about Jeno. No matter how bone-tired he is, he always holds Hyuck’s hand with that same steadiness. That’s a comforting enough thought.

● ●

**[MY mr. perfect]** **  
** **Morning baby** **  
** **Had to leave super early for a presentation** **  
** **I found this funny gif of a dog while on the jeep!** **  
** **_1 image attachment_ ** **  
** **See u laterrrrr**

● ●

Here’s the thing about loving Lee Jeno: It was one of the easiest things in Donghyuck’s life. Not at the first though, no, but now it was about as easy as existing. Loving him was easy, in that he could just fall into it at the end of a long day with no worries whatsoever. Jeno wasn’t someone he had to decode every single time. He just knew him, knew his heart, knew the way those arms would securely hold him.

Now, there aren’t a lot of easy things in Donghyuck’s life. Uni is kicking his ass, his orgs all had some sort of event coming up, his family is a mess he’d gladly not come back to for a while, and the government is shit. He really does not need another stressor in his life.

Jeno is the absolute opposite of a stressor. He can just thread his fingers through the gaps between Donghyuck’s, and whatever remains of Donghyuck’s perpetually low battery will be recharged to full. He can envelop Donghyuck in his arms and press kisses into his hair, and so many problems just melt away. He can send a singular good morning text from whatever management class he’s at, and Donghyuck’s mood is instantly better. Magic, maybe, that’s what he is. 

It was just easy, having this steady presence in his life. This boy that he loves with all of him, and he knows full well loves him just as much.

There’s a catch though, because there always is one. 

Lee Jeno makes it hard to care for him.

Not to say Donghyuck hasn’t tried. God, Donghyuck has tried. He’s tried again and again, getting him to rest and to be mindful of himself, get him to eat and sleep so that he’s less of a zombie. To be fair, Hyuck isn’t all that better off, but he just wants his boyfriend to not look like death every day.

Other than that, there’s this lingering feeling that he doesn’t deserve the love that he gets. Donghyuck isn’t absolutely sure where he gets that. Jeno would sometimes voice out loud that he doesn’t need to do all those things for him, when Hyuck was 1000% willing to do it. They weren’t even all too grand things, just what he could manage, and yet Jeno thought he didn’t deserve any of that.

There were days that he was too hell-bent on finishing something that can still be finished the next day with plenty of time to spare. Like he’s always racing against himself or some unknown entity. Like he’s trying to prove to himself that he’s doing well when everyone around him knows full well that he’s doing better than most.

So, Donghyuck would sit on his bed, looking at Jeno’s back while he’s bent on worksheets or presentations or whatever, and he’d sometimes wonder what it would take for Lee Jeno to be easy on himself.

● ●

**[MY mr. perfect]** **  
** **Good morningggg** **  
** **Just went to get some breakfast with Jaemin** **  
** **I’m getting you tocilog** **  
** **Look at this quote I found:** **  
** **“Just say yikes and move on”** **  
** **God why is pinterest so full of gold stuff like this**

● ●

Jeno leans his bike against a tree, right next to Jaemin’s. He goes over to where Donghyuck and Renjun are sitting on a threadbare blanket, nearly crashing right into his boyfriend.

“Ugh, you’re all sweaty,” Hyuck says, pulling out a face towel from his bag. He holds Jeno’s face, wiping all over before drying his neck. “You’re gonna have to shower before your party later.”

Humming, Jeno leans in to peck at Hyuck. “Yes, baby.” He goes for another one, and Hyuck knows it’s gross, but he allows it.

Hard to resist him, honestly, so he smooches the corners of his smile too.

When Jeno shifts to sit behind him, arms wrapping around his waist and legs enclosing him, they watch the other two. Jaemin has successfully tackled Renjun to the ground with tickles, the boy underneath trying to kick at him and swat at him to get him off, albeit unsuccessfully. There’s cooing noises from Jaemin, and Hyuck can feel Jeno’s chuckle against his back.

“Are we that disgusting?” Jeno asks, nuzzling into Donghyuck’s neck. 

“Well,” Hyuck begins, raising his eyebrows at the pair in front of them. “We don’t do _that_ , but I’d say we’re pretty much on the same level.”

Jeno laughs, the sound reverberating against Donghyuck’s skin. He presses a kiss on Hyuck’s shoulder. “That’s fair.”

Sundays are now officially back to being the Jaemin-Jeno biking and Renjun-Hyuck picnic days. It’s just over a few weeks into the semester, so they’re still relatively relaxed and making the most out of it. 

Okay, Renjun has his meal-planning papers with him, and Hyuck is typing out a quick article, but at least they’re even out of their dorms. That’s something to celebrate for the time being, because they probably won’t even get to see each other once midterm season rolls in.

It’s inevitable, really. They’ve pretty much finished all the classes that they have a chance of being together in, and now they’re onto the course-specific ones that can almost guarantee that they don’t go to many other buildings other than their own college buildings. It would be a miracle if they would pass by each other while on campus.

So, times like this are going to be pretty rare. He knows they’ll miss it.

Today, Renjun has packed corned beef in pandesal for them, and Hyuck is already on his third one. He lets Jeno take a bite from it, not even needing to look up from his laptop to do it. They both pointedly ignore the two still rolling around on the blanket in a mess of squeals and giggling.

“Whatchu writing?” his boyfriend asks, hooking his chin over Hyuck’s shoulder. “Article?”

“Mmhmm.” He scrolls through what he’s done so far, pondering what else he can add to it. “It’s a feature on the residents living in the in-campus villages that are facing threats of demolition to pave the way for commercial buildings.”

He feels Jeno hum against him. “Is that the one you did the interview for last week?”

Hyuck nods. “I just got the plans for the building the other day, so now I’m just finishing this up.”

“That’s your 7th article this month,” Jeno remarks, his hands making little circles on Hyuck’s stomach. “You’re doing really well, Hyuckie. I’m surprised they haven’t up and made you their EIC yet.”

It makes a grin spread across his face. He tries to squirm out of the hold. “You’re distracting.”

His boyfriend chuckles. “You like it anyways.” 

Okay, true, but he wasn’t just going to admit it out loud. He goes back to his work, occasionally opening his mouth to let Jeno feed him the fried squidballs Jaemin bought for them all.

At some point, the other couple does stop, lying down on the ground while wheezing. Jaemin might have just tickled the lungs out of Renjun for all Hyuck knows.

“God, I hate you.” Hyuck looks up in time to see Renjun weakly kick at Jaemin with his socked foot. “I don’t know why I chose you.”

This elicits a grin from the other boy, wide and mischievous. “Because you love me Junnie–” Jaemin coos, right before Renjun shoves him away with a hand.

Renjun turns to face them, hair a mess and his arm outstretched to keep Jaemin from diving in. “Oh, by the way, I think we’re going to have to do a Bayan run soon. We have this class where we’re going to do setups for parties, and we need to buy all of the fabric for tablecloths and the table centerpieces.”

“Sure,” Hyuck says, mentally looking through his schedule. “I can only do Wednesdays though.”

“That’s fine.” Renjun grunts when Jaemin crashes next to him, his limbs going all over his boyfriend. “We’re free on that day too. I promise to treat you to siomai and pancit when we’re there.”

“You bet I’ll be there.”

Jeno makes a sound close to a whine. “I want to come, too.”

He had whole-day classes during Wednesdays, Hyuck knew. There was no way he was going to miss any of them to go on a shopping trip. 

Hyuck knows he wishes that he could, but Jeno was too good to let himself linger on that path of thinking. His grades were great, better than that even, but classes in his course were never forgiving. Miss one class, and you miss far too much. Miss all 5 of them on that day? Likely death.

It was bound to be even harder this year to juggle all of that plus his thesis and his orgs. Burnout was more than likely inevitable.

“You’ll be there with us in spirit,” Jaemin tells him, emerging from Renjun’s side. “We’ll have you taste all the food we make for the party simulations to make up for it.”

That seems to perk Jeno up. “You know me too well, Nana.”

The answering grin is blinding, but it softens as he curls around his boyfriend. “Ready for later, Jen?”

Jeno grumbles. “You should know I hate parties like that.”

Later, their org will hold their semesterly acquaintance party, letting the new applicants to the org mingle with the members. They had found a nice little events place nearby, and they were going to have it all: a mobile bar, catering, lights and sounds, all that. It wasn’t arranged by the seniors, not really, but Jeno and Jaemin still had considerable contributions to the planning of it all.

It was a night of drinking, dancing, and mingling, most likely pretty scary for the new applicants. The parties were a regular thing at their org, and it’s been a way to practice management of events and org matters while also getting to know other people. Hyuck has been to one, and he’s seen the freshmen look like frightened sheep at it.

They weren’t so bad, not really. Or well, at least the acquaintance party wasn’t all that bad. It was more laidback, and a lot less likely to get out of hand. Hyuck chooses not to speak on some of the other ones.

Jeno dislikes the parties. He’s more of the casual drinking with friends type, not get smashed with a bunch of seniors and tell outlandish stories to the new applicants type. Not dance the night away and down questionable shots and then wake up on a different dorm building’s couch type. But he has to go, with him being an officer and now a senior member of the org.

Doesn’t help either that he (along with Jaemin) have long been utilized as a way to lure new applicants in. Hyuck has always been aware that it helps to have attractive faces at the booths during the org fair, and both Jeno and Jaemin have been exactly that. For pretty much all of their orgs. A tiring ordeal really, being spokespersons and booth managers and the ones that hand out flyers AND the ones that new applicants inevitably choose as their member crush in literally every year they’ve been at the org.

That usually means some people can get touchy. Hyuck trusts Jeno not to do anything out of line, but the same cannot be said about some of the members or even the new applicants. It’s one thing to hear about it (he hates that it happens), but to see it happen, when he’s right there? Well.

And it’s not just Jeno that experiences that. Hyuck has had to bodily push someone (considerably bigger than him at that) away from Jaemin at some point, and he does not want to think about what happens on the ones he hasn’t gone to. God. Why don’t people respect boundaries?

Jaemin is a little more okay with all the people and the drinking and some of the attempts at flirting, but he’s not entirely fond of the whole thing either. If it weren’t important that they were there, he might have skipped most of them.

Unfortunately though, they don’t really have that choice.

“Maybe Renjun and Hyuck can come with us tonight?” Jaemin suggests, flashing his smile to his boyfriend. “I mean, we can just get them in there no problem anyways, and we promise it’s not a scheme to get you to apply to the org.”

Renjun pouts up at him. He knows what happens at them too, having listened to many of the pair’s stories. Out of all of them though, he was the least likely to even show up at any party like that, ever. 

“Jaem,” he begins, eyebrows already furrowed. “I’m not…”

Jaemin’s expression softens, and he smoothes out the crease with his thumb. “Okay, okay. I won’t force you. I’m just saying, if you want to be with us tonight, you can choose to be. You know I’m better when you’re there with me.”

At the way that Jeno’s embrace tightens a bit, Hyuck knows that he feels the same. He was better that one time that Hyuck went to the party too, and he was able to at least stay longer than usual. Hyuck squeezes one of his hands.

He was busy often, which is mostly why he couldn’t go to the other ones. Sometimes though, he really just wasn’t up to dealing with a whole group of business majors trying to talk to him about their condo units and how their friend threw up in their Mercedes. No, thank you.

But it wouldn’t hurt to go this time. If Renjun wasn’t coming as well, he can hold his own with making sure both the boys were okay, and that they at least had someone to help them home. 

“I can come,” he says. Renjun turns to look at him, eyes just a fraction wider. “I don’t have class tomorrow anyways, I can manage it.”

“Really?” his boyfriend and his friend say in unison, their tones different.

He nods. “Really.” 

For a long moment, Renjun looks at Jaemin, the cogs in his brain working as he considers everything: what can possibly happen, how he’ll have to deal with it, what he’ll do the entire time. He sighs, his expression looking fond but a slight bit resigned.

“I’ll come, too, since Hyuck is coming.”

Before Hyuck can see how Jaemin reacts, Jeno pulls him in closer, nuzzling at him and whispering a soft “Thank you.”

● ●

If there’s anything that Donghyuck is just naturally good at, it’s going to parties.

Maybe it’s the fact that he’s been the one to be forced to socialize at all those family parties when he was a kid, and he soon learned how to both entertain guests and keep himself in the loop with what’s happening. It took a lot of skill for an 11-year-old to sip on his soda and find out all sorts of gossip from his cousins and act like he was genuinely interested in the convo. Well, his sisters and mother found out a lot through him.

Or maybe it’s just the fact that being good at going to parties almost always guaranteed that he 1. Stayed safe and 2. Got connections. After all, in the career path he was eyeing, it was important to know _and_ be known by a lot of people. It paid to be sociable, that much he knew.

Whichever it is, he’s had plenty of practice to hone it, and it’s basically a talent at this point.

He shows up at the party in a silky maroon shirt (just a few buttons popped open) tucked into tight, dark jeans. His ash gray hair is pushed up, tousled just so. Silver rings line his ear, and Renjun has helped him smudge his eyeshadow just so. Plus, he smells very much like Jeno’s cologne, after his boyfriend clung to him for about half an hour before he had to leave early to help with the setup. Donghyuck feels _great_.

When he and Renjun step into the venue, they’re greeted by the music, which was more of something the felt rather than heard. Not a lot of people had arrived yet, so weaving through the group was easier than they anticipated. At the end of it all were their boyfriends, making the finishing touches on a snack table.

Even though Jaemin seems to say their names, it’s drowned out by the music they have on. So, instead, he circles the table, slinging his arms around them both.

They’re handed drinks out of nowhere, and they almost simultaneously sniff at it. Jeno comes over, touching their wrists gently and nodding when they look up at him. “It’s fine” he mouths. “My friend made them.”

In the multicolored lights of the venue, Donghyuck couldn’t discern what color it was. Carefully, he tips it up, letting a bit slip into his mouth. It tastes more like juice than alcohol, which is never a good sign in his experience. Two cups of that and most people might already get smashed. So he sips at it cautiously, not wanting to get intoxicated tonight.

A girl comes over, her halter top seeming to shimmer in the light. Her smile is kind, in the way that Hyuck knows has been practiced over years of dealing with people. Jaemin introduces her as their Marketing Head, Eunha. She waves politely at them, nodding as they tell her their names and repeating them just to be sure.

Then, she turns to talk to Jeno and Jaemin, and Donghyuck uses that opportunity to look around. There are tables and chairs lining the sides, with small groups chatting at them. At a nearby corner is the mobile bar, with its own lights and all. There’s a stage by the very front, and it seems like a handful of officers were there, ready to start the program. Most of the people here Hyuck can’t quite recognize, or it might just be the lighting. 

There’s a touch on his arm, and Renjun is tilting his head towards a table close by. They gesture to the two that are still talking to Eunha that they will take a seat. Both nod at them, turning right back to the Marketing Head.

Tilting his cup from side to side to watch the liquid slosh, Renjun regards the drink with suspicion. Donghyuck doesn’t blame him. Parties like this weren’t exactly known to be absolutely safe.

After seeing Donghyuck take tentative sips, Renjun tries it too. He regards it with confusion the next moment, as if he can’t quite understand what it’s supposed to be.

“It’s like there’s no alcohol in it at all,” he says, leaning in so Hyuck can hear. “We tried all sorts of drinks in our Mixology class, I can’t even place what they put in here.”

Grimacing, Hyuck replies, “That might be the point.”

Renjun scowls, pushing the drink away from him. “No more of that, then.”

They’re content with just sitting there and greeting the people they actually know, just waves and a quick “Heeeeyyy” to appease them. At some point, they’re approached by the secretary for one of the committees, Junhwan. He looks like he doesn’t like this party either, and that’s something rather refreshing to see.

“Hi there,” he greets, voice bright but just shy of scratchy. “Can I sit here? Don’t really like the other tables.”

Chuckling, Donghyuck waves him over to sit on the empty chair beside him. “Forced to come here too, huh?”

He scowls, picks at his paper plate of a variety of chips. “All of us need to be here. We lose credibility if we don’t.”

Hyuck doesn’t have to look at Renjun to know that he’s frowning, too. “Orgs suck,” Renjun says, just loud enough for Junhwan to hear.

The secretary nods solemnly. “You said it.”

Now, Donghyuck may be great at socializing with many people at the same time, but staying here and chatting with a friend is not so bad, either. After all, this was still him being social, just on a smaller scale.

Junhwan apparently has quite a lot of stories to tell. They pull their seats together, and even Renjun starts drinking little sips of his drink as he listens intently to what the secretary has to say. As familiar as they are with the org, they just couldn’t get everything.

In the middle of him retelling the way that some of their alumni would get into jobs the rather unconventional way, Eunha comes over to their table, her eyes wide. She only gestures to the middle, where the dancefloor is supposed to be, and all three at the table stand up immediately. They can’t really see anything, so Donghyuck and Renjun push through the now-larger crowd of people to get to the center.

The first thing that Donghyuck registers is Jaemin, off to the side, with his arms crossed over his torso. He looks distraught, almost trembling in his rage. When Renjun calls out to him, he looks over like he’s been wounded, and Donghyuck isn’t sure he’s seen Jaemin look like that.

After that, he sees what he supposes might be the main event. Jeno isn’t even two feet away from this other boy, somebody Hyuck hasn’t seen before. Might be a new member, he thinks. Jeno’s chest is heaving, the way he gets when he’s mad. His face is completely calm though, save for the way his eyes are so terrifyingly dark.

Hyuck comes in between them before any punches are thrown. He looks at his boyfriend in the eyes, tries to communicate to him to keep calm until he finds a way to settle this.

“What’s going on?” he asks to no one in particular, but he hopes either of the two respond. He breathes in, counts until somebody speaks up.

The other boy does, his mouth forming into a sneer. “Go ask pretty boy over there.”

It doesn’t take much to see that he’s referring to Jaemin. When Donghyuck looks over, he sees Renjun try to get to him, holding him by the elbows and trying to make him look at him. Jaemin only looks blankly in their direction, his eyes filled with unshed tears.

To Hyuck’s right, Jeno shifts, like he’s considering circling to the side and just straight up coming at the guy. Gently, Hyuck puts his hand on his chest, a silent plea to stay back for now.

“Explain what you did now,” he almost hisses in the other boy’s face. He’s not that much taller than Donghyuck, but he can definitely overpower him easily. In his mind, he weighs his options, in case the guy decides to attack.

The smile grows on the guy’s face. This close, he can smell the alcohol in the guy’s breath. “Just touched him a little. He likes that doesn’t he? Of course he does, boys like him like it when you touch them.”

He looks like he’s reaching out to Hyuck, but his wrist is stopped by Jeno, too quick for them to really see. “Try it, and I break your wrist,” he threatens, and the edge in his voice is nothing that Hyuck has ever heard before.

The guy only seems even more pleased. “Ah, is he yours? Don’t want someone touching your pretty little thing?”

Another hand reaches out, and this time, Donghyuck is the one who catches it. In a quick motion, he twists the arm as far as it would go without breaking. The guy howls in pain, eyes flashing up at him. Donghyuck raises a brow at him.

“Listen to me.” He’s aware that his voice has become lower than usual. He doesn’t take his eyes off of him. “No, you do not touch boys like that. You don’t touch _anyone_ like that. Don’t assume that they like it. Don’t assume that you can do whatever the fuck you want to do to _anyone_.”

When the boy seems to want to reply, Hyuck takes a finger of his hand and bends it backward sharply. The boy yells again, almost crumpling to the floor. Hyuck doesn’t let his stare waver.

“Learn to respect people’s boundaries. Learn to respect human beings. They’re not for you to play with like dolls. Have I made myself clear?”

The boy stares defiantly at him, so he takes another finger and bends it until it cracks. 

“Fuck you for taking advantage of someone, of a human being. Fuck you for even trying to do it to me. Fuck you for making someone scared for their own life. Fuck you for holding power over them, and making them unable to fend for themselves because of how terrified they are. Fuck you for thinking they like it at all.”

He pushes another finger, stares him dead in the eyes to see him shake his head in fear. 

“Now, will you promise not to do it again to anyone else?” When he doesn’t answer right away, he pushes further. “I’m not going to ask again. Either you promise or I break this finger, and all the rest of them.”

The boy breathes, staring at him for a long moment, before finally breaking. “I promise,” he grits out.

Donghyuck breaks the finger anyways, so he won’t be able to hold anything with that hand for a while. He leaves him into a crumpled heap on the floor, pulling away Jeno and putting as much distance in between them as possible. He lets everyone else crowd around the wounded boy on the floor, and decide whatever his fate will be. 

They manage to go to their corner table, where Renjun is massaging Jaemin’s balled-up fists. Donghyuck crouches down just enough to be eye level with Jaemin, who’s sitting down. God, he doesn’t want to see his friend look like this ever again.

“Jaem,” he says, gently. He’s not sure if Jaemin hears. “Jaem, I took care of him. He won’t hurt you anymore.”

Numbly, Jaemin nodded, two tears finally coming out of his eyes. He doesn’t cry out, doesn’t sob, and somehow, that hurts even more to see. 

Renjun kneels in front of him, talking to him gently and patiently. Jaemin would respond, just nods of the head, tears streaming down his face silently.

Beside him, plopped down onto a chair, Jeno is breathing deeply, trying to get himself to calm down. His hands are also balled up into fists on his lap, and Donghyuck takes one, carefully trying to unfurl it so he can hold his hand.

Shaking his head, Jeno chokes out, “I should’ve punched him.”

Donghyuck understands his rage. Truthfully, if there weren’t any consequences, he’d punch the guy himself, and let Jeno have at him. But there were consequences, and they couldn’t risk it.

“I know,” he says, keeping his voice level. “But you know why you can’t.”

A part of Jeno wants to argue, he knows, but he holds his tongue. He nods, stiffly, and a little bit of the tension in his shoudler disappears.

“I hate men,” he says, breathing out.

On any other occasion, Donghyuck might have snorted at his remark. Instead, he rubs a thumb across the back of his hand. “Men are the worst.”

Jeno leans back, and it seems like all the fight leeches out of him. “I just want us to be treated like humans, you know? Humans that have boundaries that should be respected, like everyone else. I just want to be seen as more than an object to some of these people.”

Hyuck comes closer, cups his cheek with a hand. “I want that too. I don’t want to deal with people like him anymore. I’m so tired of being scared and seen as something to push around to do what they want.”

Wrenching his eyes closed, Jeno shakes his head. “I’m tired too.”

Gently, Hyuck wraps his arms around him, pressing his head to his chest. It’s quite an awkward position, but Jeno embraces him back anyways. 

They stay like that for who knows how long, silent while Renjun murmurs to Jaemin. People come to check up on them, and they’re grateful for it, but they do just need some time to themselves.

Carding his fingers through Jeno’s hair, he silently promises to never let this thing happen ever again.

● ●

It’s about 6 years since Hyuck realized he was in love with Jeno.

Back then, it wasn’t the easiest thing to admit to himself. Hyuck was usually honest with himself, especially when it came to such feelings. If he didn’t come to terms with it, he was just going to have a hard time. He didn’t want to have a hard time.

Jeno was so many things then. Varsity of the volleyball team. Class president. Most likely going to become the valedictorian of their batch. Jaemin’s lab partner. Renjun’s fellow emcee during events. Mark’s successor as vice president of the Math club.

He was so many things, but to Donghyuck, he was even more.

Jeno was Donghyuck’s first high school friend. 

They didn’t really have an ideal first meeting, that’s for sure. Hyuck had just gotten off of his uncle’s beat-up pickup truck with all the odd bullet hole decals onto the sidewalk just outside his new high school. He had just come from Masbate around a month back, still hadn't settled fully into their new home before he went through the second interview process. His uniform was still a little stiff since he'd only put it through the laundry once, and he hated the tie that came with it.

On the way inside, he merely held his messenger bag closer and didn’t really bother talking to anyone. Most of the ones that looked like freshmen did the same, anyways. It was a new experience for all of them, being in this school with its freshly painted blue exterior and its sprawling assembly grounds. 

The assembly was full of chattering students and their nervous parents, not wanting to leave their kids alone in the unfamiliar environment. Whoever was speaking at the front wasn’t really heard all the way to the back, mostly due to the horrible sound system. There were only murmurs, passed from the front of the line, so that everyone had some semblance of understanding of what was going on.

Apparently, the principal had congratulated them on passing and becoming part of the school. They were welcomed, and there was some talk about the values of the school. Donghyuck tuned that part out, not entirely caring about it. He knew that schools liked to add a little padding to their name during orientations like this, make them seem admirable to the parents that are there. It was something that he had noticed since his last couple of years in his previous school, and he was quickly learning that it was used in other places too.

Soon enough, they were directed to the front, so that they can check which sections they belonged to and which room they would need to go to. There had been a lot of pushing, by students and parents alike, and Donghyuck just stood back and waited for the crowd to dissipate a bit. No use trying to squeeze himself in there and nearly get trampled.

When he thought he could go up to the bulletin boards without injury, he walked to them, looking straight at the ones that were for his year level. He squinted at them, looking for his name in the many Lee’s out there.

It was then that someone’s head bumped into his. He was dazed for a solid moment, blinking as he looked at the boy who held the side of his own head. That wasn’t surprising. Donghyuck’s grandmother always said his head was like one of those coconuts on the tree beside their old house.

“I’m sorry,” the boy had said, shaking his head like he was checking if everything was okay up there. “Somebody pushed me.”

“It’s okay,” Donghyuck had replied. “It happens.”

The boy had nodded simply, looking about as awkward as Hyuck felt. He was a freshman too, he had guessed. His glasses dwarfed his face, and his backpack straps were pulled tight by his nervous hands. He had peered at the same sheet that Donghyuck had been looking at, also trying to find his name.

“One-oh-seven,” the boy had mumbled under his breath. That had been Donghyuck’s room too, so he had trailed along with him to the direction of the room.

They sat together, and the boy had registered him with slightly wider eyes as he plopped into the seat next to him. Turning away, the boy pulled out his notebook, Spiderman on the cover.

They didn’t really talk. Donghyuck had wanted to ask him what school he was from, what his name was, what his favorite Spiderman movie was, but he had held his tongue. The boy didn’t seem like the immediately social type, and Donghyuck didn’t want to push him.

A young-ish woman had come in then, making the excited room of freshmen quiet down. She smiled at them, writing her name on the whiteboard and greeting them all. 

The first thing she did was do a roll call, just to make sure all of them were there. That was how Hyuck learned that the boy’s name is Lee Jeno, after the boy shyly raised his hand at the name.

Donghyuck’s name wasn’t on the list. He had raised his hand, telling the teacher that.

“Lee Donghyuck?” the teacher had said, scanning her list again. “Oh, I think you’re in Miss Kang’s class, two doors down.”

“Oh.” Hyuck stood up, gathering all his things and trying not to stumble as he moved to leave the room. “I’m sorry, Miss.”

The teacher had smiled at him warmly. “It’s alright. Off you go, Mr. Lee.”

He had waved a little goodbye at a dazed Jeno, who waved back. In a span of about half an hour, Hyuck had bumped heads with him and also embarrassed himself by being in the wrong room. Great first impression, really.

But, Donghyuck had told himself as he rushed to his actual classroom, he made a friend. Kind of.

Their second year, he really _was_ in a section with Jeno. He had checked carefully that time, and he saw their names, one after the other.

Jeno was already sitting by the wall, right by the window facing the hallway. When Hyuck sat down next to him and his bag hit the newly waxed floor with a _thud_ , Jeno looked up at him, recognition slowly filling his eyes.

“Hi,” he said, and it sounded like a question.

“Hi,” Donghyuck replied brightly. “Remember me?”

He got a small, slightly bewildered nod. “Donghyuck, right?”

It makes Hyuck smile a little wider. “Yup. And you’re Jeno. And I swear I’m in the right classroom this time.”

That startled a laugh out of Jeno. He wasn’t wearing his glasses yet, and his eyes turned into crescents when he laughed. “Good to know.”

It was the year that they really became friends. Even with some rearranging due to seat plans, they were together due to both their heights and their names. 

Every day was pretty much the same. Jeno would already be in his seat way before Donghyuck even arrived at school, flipping through his copy of _Ibong Adarna_ to prepare for a quiz. Walking up to his seat, Hyuck would greet him good morning, and Jeno would say some sort of response back. When Donghyuck started to settle in, Jeno would take out his notebook. It was Iron Man that year.

Hyuck learned that Jeno was a pretty fun seatmate. He’d give his handheld fan for Hyuck to use since it was way too hot too often, and there was no way in hell their school would repair the fans in their classroom. In return, Hyuck would subtly fan him with a folder whenever he fell asleep on his desk during breaks.

Jeno also shared snacks with Donghyuck literally every chance he got. He had those Danish butter cookies in a Lock n Lock, and they would stuff it into their mouths and chew quietly in the middle of boring lectures. Or, when he would go out on a restroom break, he’d bring back packaged biscuits or chips from the canteen shoved into pockets or into his hoodie, and Hyuck would open them without making a sound when their teacher’s back was turned to them.

During art class, while they were on the floor leaning over their oslo papers and rulers, they had developed some sort of system. Hyuck opened his pencil case and spread out all his pencils and erasers and those little plastic scissors in the space between them for either of them to take and use. Jeno brought out the professional-looking case he put his rulers and art papers in, and they’d pass the case back and forth. Usually, it would end in them having aching backs and mixed up art supplies when they would be in too much of a hurry to clean up, but it wasn’t so bad.

Cleaning at the end of the day was surprisingly another bonding moment. They were on every Wednesday, with Jeno wiping down the jalousies of their windows while Hyuck swept the floor. Often, they’d stay back to wax the floor too, folding up their uniform pants when they had to kneel to wipe the wax in even strokes. Hyuck would complain about their other cleaning groupmates not helping them, Jeno would rant about the materials they need to get for an experiment the next week. They’d come home with red stains on their socks and their pant legs, but they both had smiles on their faces.

Those days, messaging each other wasn’t much of a thing. They’d talk for important stuff, like who would help in making the bulletin board in their room or what chapter they had a Science homework on. Hyuck always reasoned that they could just talk in class, whatever it was.

Until a week before their Christmas party, when Jeno had asked Hyuck what he wanted for a gift. Hyuck didn’t know what he wanted, if he was going to be honest. People don’t just up and ask him what he wants. So he had told Jeno that he didn’t know, and Jeno sent back a single :/ emoji.

 _Come on, I have to get you something,_ the next message said. Hyuck just read it over and over, mulling over what his response should be. He really didn’t want anything, and although he had bought Jeno a gift himself (socks with puppies on them, he picked out two different pairs), he just didn’t think that Jeno would want to give him a gift too.

 _Treat me to Starbucks_ , Hyuck replied. After all, he still hadn’t tried it, even though there was one in the mall a 10-minute walk from their school. He wanted to know what the hype was about, and why his classmates kept posting photos of their cups.

On the day of their Christmas party, Donghyuck pretty much forgot about it. He came in with a container full of sticks of barbecue, said hello to his adviser and went straight to his group of friends. Renjun was already setting up the first game, and by the looks of it, Hyuck already predicted that he’ll make a mess of the shirt his aunt bought him as an early Christmas gift.

By the time they had the gift exchange, there was a multitude of stuff on Donghyuck’s shirt. He didn’t even remember all of them at that point. He only sat down in the circle, squeezed between Renjun and Jeno, waiting for his turn.

When Yangyang was back in his spot from standing up to give his gift to Jeno, Hyuck saw that Jeno was up and walking around the circle. Everyone let out a giggle at the suspense, especially when Jeno would pause for a moment before continuing to walk.

He did stop eventually, right in front of Hyuck, holding out the box and flashing that smile that Hyuck had learned meant he was up to no good. Hyuck had blinked at him, absolutely confused. Somehow, he had registered Renjun elbowing him to get the gift.

Jeno had gotten him a book, _Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children_. Hyuck had mentioned it in passing one time, saying that he saw this cool looking book in the bookstore but didn’t get to buy it. He didn’t even think that Jeno would ever get it for him.

“Why’d you ask what I wanted when you already had a gift?” he had asked while Jeno put the puppy socks into his drawstring bag.

He had shrugged. “Just in case.”

“In case of what?” Hyuck had followed him out, grabbing onto the strings of his bag so that he couldn’t walk too fast. Jeno had been ready to leave and go to the Starbucks for the next gift.

He never really answered that.

At the Starbucks, Donghyuck had scrunched up his nose at the first sip. It had been sweet, and not all that interesting at all. “Is this really what all the hype is about?”

There had been a chuckle from the taller boy. “Yeah.”

They both decided to go to the nearest McDonald’s for fries to make up for it.

Although not the best first experience, it was made better by Jeno’s unwavering smile and their shared stories over two orders of large fries dumped onto a tray.

In their third year, Jeno became part of the varsity. And with that, Jeno had amassed some fangirls from the lower years.

One of the most common things Dongyuck heard from them were “Oh my god, that’s Jeno!” like his best friend was some sort of celebrity. Well, he guesses that he was, with how many people gaped at him whenever they passed by. Pictures were taken with him, and Hyuck thought they would go so far as to ask for his autograph.

During games, they had to look for a spot without any of the enthusiastic fans, lest they be nearly kicked off of the bleachers from their excitement again. Renjun would throw corn chips at the ones that were too loud, and then feigned innocence. Admittedly, it was also rather nice to see their faces when Jeno came to them first after the game, barely minding anyone else.

It was even worse during the showcases whenever they had events. Jeno’s a dancer too, although he never joined the dance troupe at their school. People knew though, oh they knew all right. They’d get him to perform, either solo or in a group. Him practicing on the grounds had been enough to gather a group of fans stop whatever they were doing just to watch. 

And when he did perform, oh, the cheers had been so loud. Jeno moved like his body knew exactly what to do without a second thought. He was enchanting, to say the very least, and Hyuck had heard the collective gasps every time he flashed a smirk to the crowd. The cheers of his name would get louder, and there was barely any way to even hear the music over them, and yet Jeno danced. It was in his bones, dancing like that, and it drove everyone wild.

Him doing all of that often meant that Hyuck would throw him his extra shirt and hand over his water bottle when he got back to the classroom, all smiles and his hair damp from his sweat. Once he’d changed into a dry shirt, he’d sidle up next to Donghyuck and wordlessly ask to share an earphone.

Hyuck always obliged him.

In their third year, it really started to feel like it was just the both of them sometimes.

Like they’d go work on a group project at Jeno’s house with just the two of them, and they’d sigh about their groupmates. Or they’d finish their investigative project together, with all the confidence that they can defend it in front of a panel. Or they’d move as a singular unit, President and Vice President of the class, in sync even when they don’t expect it.

It was just the both of them, when Jeno held an umbrella over him as he tried to get in a jeep while it poured buckets on the both of them. It was just them, when they sat outside their classroom long after everyone else has left and they’d talk about their days.

Just the two of them, and Hyuck liked it more than he could admit to himself at the time.

When they were sixteen, Donghyuck knew. God, it felt like getting hit by a truck. 

They were sitting on a long table outside their gym, looking at everyone slow dancing at the Christmas party after-party. Outside, they couldn’t hear the music as much, their ears picking up the drone of cicadas instead.

Jeno was in a pale pink button down and jeans, looking straight out of a teen drama. He had some of the colored powder from earlier in his hair, and he swayed slightly to whatever music drifted out to them.

It was late, Donghyuck knew. The phone he left in a bag in their classroom must have been pinging again and again with texts from his parents. It was late, and he didn’t want to go home at all.

They weren’t really up to slow dancing, Hyuck had told himself. It wasn’t something that they did, that closeness. Well, they were best friends, yeah, but that was a line they never really crossed.

Hyuck remembers wondering why they didn’t. It wasn’t weird, being that close. Hell, Renjun and Jaemin slowdanced practically any chance they got. So why didn’t they?

Shoulders bumping, Hyuck had tried to think of something to say. He was going to see Jeno after Christmas break anyways, but it felt like he was trying to find a way to say goodbye.

“Hey,” Jeno began, looking at him. His eyes were so dark then, so full of the stars that Donghyuck kept looking for in the polluted night sky of the metro. “You okay there?”

“Just thinking.” It hadn’t been a lie. Hyuck _was_ thinking, of so many things. He thought about Jeno’s hand inches from his, the hand he’s held time and again before. He thought about Jeno’s mussed up hair, and how he had to hold himself back to fixing it like he usually would. He thought of how he didn’t even have a photo with his best friend that day yet.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Jeno tried, nudging at him. There had been the barest hints of a smile on Jeno’s mouth, and a quick, traitorous thought had flashed across Hyuck’s mind.

 _I want to kiss–_ He had stopped himself there. No. He shouldn’t be thinking that about his best friend, about _Jeno_.

“Uh.” He had only stared at the people in the gym, dancing to what he can make out as _Intoxicated_.

 _To the sky flying high take me to the moon_ _  
_ _Day or night we don't have to say a word_ _  
_ _'Cause you make me feel like I'm intoxicated, toxicated_

“Hyuckie, do you want me to take you home?”

Jeno was leaning towards him, his head tilted to the side to look at him.

 _Your eyes like a shot of whiskey_ _  
_ _Warms me up like a summer night_ _  
_ _Can you tell that I need you with me_

“No, I-I’m okay.”

His best friend had nodded, sitting back. One of his hands had wandered over to touch the small of Hyuck’s back, ever so gently. Donghyuck did everything in his power to not hold his breath.

 _With you we could be the only ones here_ _  
_ _'Cause I think you're from another world_ _  
_ _And I, I couldn't have another girl_ _  
_ _'Cause you, you make me feel like I'm intoxicated, toxicated_

“Hyuckie,” Jeno said, tapping a pattern onto his back. “Do you wanna dance?”

And Donghyuck must have said yes, because the next thing he registered was Jeno’s hand holding his, and being pulled into the gym. He didn’t even hear the song played over the shitty sound system, not really, only registered that Jeno was taking him to the middle of the dance floor.

Hands were then around his waist, Jeno gently prompting him to loop his arms around his neck. Jeno had giggled, and Hyuck couldn’t hear it, but he had felt it.

“You’re acting like we don’t hug or anything,” Jeno had told him, leaning close to his ear. “Come on, Hyuckie, it’s just hugging with music in the background.”

It wasn’t just that, but Hyuck didn’t protest. He only let himself be held, to be guided into something like slowdancing. That entire time, he only looked straight at Jeno.

And it was then, with the lights bathing them in different colors and Jeno’s smile unwavering, that Donghyuck knew. He was in love with him, and god fucking dammit, that terrified him to no end.

● ●

**[MY mr. perfect]** **  
** **Had this scheduled bc u know i’m not going to wake up early on a monday lol** **  
** **Good morning baby** **  
** **Have fun in bowling today!** **  
** **Pls don’t strain that shoulder ;_;** **  
** **(Also bring me back a McDonald’s hashbrown love u)**

● ●

Every Monday, Donghyuck has Bowling as his P.E. class. Ultimately one of the more chill P.E. classes out there, and also one of the most sought-after. Most days, it barely felt like a class.

Chenle is leaning down, tying the laces of the bowling shoes securely on his feet. The faded blue of his hair is still rather pretty, but Hyuck thinks there isn’t a color that doesn’t suit the younger boy, anyways.

Today, they’ll learn how to refine their arm swings. There’s still a bit of the ache in Donghyuck’s shoulder from last week, when he tried out the heavier bowling balls, but it’s not like he can just skip out on today. Besides, the class was fun, even when they would see the next group’s ridiculously consistent scores.

On their side are mostly 7 to 9-pound balls, with two 13-pound ones for one of their stronger groupmates. Hyuck does not want to touch another 13-pound ball for the rest of his semester. Beside Chenle, Yeri is tying up her long hair in her signature purple scrunchie. She’ll go first in their group.

Now, they’re about 6 weeks into the semester, and their little bowling group has gotten close. Yeri is from the same course as Renjun and Jaemin, and she seems to be improving faster than the rest of them. Aisha from Statistics claimed that she wasn’t all that familiar with bowling, but is consistently their highest scorer, and also the one that can apparently handle the heavier bowling balls. San from Philosophy is the last one to have his turn, and they always cheer for him the loudest. Chenle is the best at clearing spares, and also the reason the teaching assistants usually come over to tell them to quiet down a bit. And Hyuck, well, he cheers for them all.

Poking at his cat leggings, Chenle says, “Heard you got a 2nd year suspended from an org. Is that true?”

Donghyuck rifles through his bag for his hair clip. His bangs have gotten really long recently. “Do you doubt that I did?”

The younger boy chuckles. “Not really.”

With a shrug, Donghyuck sinks into the blocky plastic seat. “They did some shit things, and I just made sure they don’t get near any of my friends or any of the BA orgs for the rest of their stay in the uni.”

The smile on Chenle’s face resembles a pleased cat. “Serves them right.”

Watching as the next group hands out the index cards with their scores, Hyuck asks, “Have you ever considered joining one of those orgs?”

Chenle snorts, running his hands through his hair. “With the stories I’ve heard plus their application processes? Nope.” He pushes the sleeves of his P.E. t-shirt up his shoulders. “I’d rather have my sanity and time to myself, thanks.”

“Smart.” Chenle was always the savviest out of all of them in their friend group, and there’s practically no one’s judgment that Hyuck trusts more than his. “Don’t go to their parties either.”

“Never planned to.” He looks at his scorecard, scowls at them. “Ugh, I haven’t gotten past my 8 curse.”

They’re all standing up to gather and watch the teaching assistants show them how to do the arm swing better. Yeri claps Chenle’s shoulder. “You can break it today, I can feel it.”

Her expression makes Chenle giggle.

Once they’re done being taught how to do the arm swing better (“Just think of giving a bowl of soup, and then pull your arm backwards”) and had some warmup exercises, they all go back to their lanes. Yeri tightens her ponytail, her hand already picking up her usual bubblegum pink 7 pounder ball while she waits for the pins to appear.

It’s a pretty slow Monday, as most Mondays are. Hyuck and Chenle try not to look at the other group’s scores because they’re a little discouraging (Who scores 4 strikes in a row? Seriously?), while San reports from his little walk that one of the other groups all have scores well over 100 halfway through the game. Chenle scowls at his highest score of 124.

“Hey, don’t complain, my highest is 90! That’s a lot sadder.” Hyuck nudges him. Chenle elbows him back.

“How do they even do that? What do I have to sell to the devil to get a score over 200?”

Their heads whip around at a loud sound, and find San baring his teeth in a grimace. His ball is not on the best nor the fastest way after he seems to have dropped it. Aisha reassures him it’s just his 4th one, anyways.

Hyuck scores his first strike of the day, a little unexpectedly, because his throw felt a bit off. Well. If only he could keep doing that the rest of the game, maybe he’d actually have a shot at getting a score over 90.

When Chenle scores another 8, Hyuck has to pick him up from where he’s slumped down on the floor. He hands the younger boy another ball, a Mountain Dew colored 6 pounder, and practically pushes him to make a throw.

Aisha comes up next, confidently picking up the dark green 13 pounder. Resting an ankle on his knee, Chenle says, “Aisha’s the only one of us that has any hope in this P.E.”

Chuckling, Hyuck squeezes his knee. “Hey, we’re not _that_ bad.”

Over at their touchpad, San and Yeri are trying to figure out how to take photos so that their faces are next to their names up on the TV screen. “I thought _you_ were the more competitive one, hyung.”

“I’m 22, I’ve been in our uni for 4 years, and I live in this country. I can assure you I do not have a zest for life anymore.”

The younger boy pokes at another cat on Donghyuck’s leggings. “At least you’re graduating soon.”

Hyuck snorts. “Who says I am? My adviser already told me I was going to be delayed by at least a semester, I’m _not_ graduating soon. Besides, what’s in store for me after graduation, anyways?”

“Shitty labor on minimum wage?”

“Exactly.” They watch as San throws his first ball, toppling down 7 pins. They whoop for him, and he’s beaming as he gets another ball. “Life won’t be amazing after graduation.”

“It’s a nice thought though, graduating.” San is able to knock down the three remaining pins, and their entire group is in an uproar until someone comes to shush them. “It’s harder to get out of our uni than get into it.”

Hyuck laughs at that, really laughs, because he’s long to come to the realization that there is no truer statement. “We’ll all graduate. Somehow, someday.”

At the front, Aisha is showing Yeri how she throws the bowling balls, and Yeri is mimicking her movements. Yeri is a fast learner, Hyuck guesses she’ll be able to pick up on it quickly.

Chenle watches them too, quiet for a just a moment. When he speaks up, he asks simply, “What if Jeno hyung graduates before you?”

That’s a question Donghyuck never thought he’d actually be asked. He’s asked himself that, quite a few times, and he’s thought of an answer. 

It was possible, Jeno graduating before him. Hell, he might graduate before any of them. Hyuck wouldn’t be surprised. 

Still though, it can be quite a lot to think about.

“Well, then he graduates.” He turns to face Chenle, smile tilting the corners of his mouth up. “Okay, I can’t really say with 100% certainty whether or not he’s going to graduate on time, because none of us can really tell. But if he does, then that’s great! He can choose to go back and get a master’s degree, or he can start working, or he can finally take some time off and think about what to do next. Whatever he does, I’ll be proud, and I’ll support him all the way. Him graduating doesn’t mean I lose him.”

Hyuck is up next, so he does his best at his turn. He doesn’t think of his previous turn with the strike, he doesn’t think about graduation. He just focuses on his throw, and doing what they were taught.

Scoring a 9, he goes back to his seat, nodding to himself. Chenle is next, springing up so quickly his hair bounces.

When Chenle gets back (after getting a strike in, and their whole group yelled in excitement), Donghyuck can feel that he wants to continue the conversation.

The younger boy lets out a small sigh, fiddling with the watch on his wrist. “I think about what will happen when all four of you graduate.” His mouth is in a straight line, like he’s trying to smile somehow, but it feels sad. “No more annoying hyungs.”

Hyuck pulls him in for a one-armed hug. “Don’t think about it too much. I’ll be here for at least another semester, and both Jaemin and Renjun are delayed as well. Who knows, maybe we’ll graduate together.”

That gets a chuckle from Chenle. “Really?”

“Yeah, of course!” Hyuck scrunches his face at him fondly. “And if not, you can be sure that we’re gonna be in the campus anyways, hanging out with you and Jisung any chance we get. It’s like we never left.”

Chenle smiles, genuine now. “Okay. I believe that. All of you are too sentimental to not go back to the uni.”

“See?” Donghyuck squeezes his shoulder. “You can’t get rid of us if you tried.”

“So we have annoying hyungs until the end?”

Donghyuck boops his nose. “You bet.”

● ●

Bayan, in this context, is used to refer to an assorted goods market where they can find all sorts of stuff, from fabric to decor to food to gadgets at relatively cheaper prices than elsewhere. It’s packed with people usually, but weekdays were usually a little less intense. Hyuck has gone to it countless times already, coming with his mom and aunts to shop for cheap decor for the house and also wet market visits (he knows the best corn stall in the whole market). 

If not, he’d lug home these huge plastic bags filled with blouses that his aunt would resell. Usually, they’d prefer Divisoria, but traffic going there was even worse usually.Public transportation while bringing something like that was a hell of a bitch, but he gets a cut from her profit anyways, so it’s fine. He’s gotten himself some nice stuff with that money.

Getting down from the jeep, he realizes that the feeling of being back here is as damp as ever. He already winces as he feels dirty streetwater splash up onto his calves.

“Okay, where first?” he asks the pair. 

“Second floor, with all the fabric.” Renjun has pulled out a list, squinting at what he wrote. “We’re gonna get hopefully all the fabric we need, and then we have to have them cut and seamed.”

“And then decor and centerpieces plus we’re gonna look for cute party utensils,” Jaemin pipes in, not needing the list. “If we can’t find stuff here, we have a few other places we can check out.”

Jaemin and Renjun are even more familiar with the market than he is, having bought all sorts of materials here during their high school days. They have that one little bookstore tucked mostly out of view that they can buy bulk of any school supplies from, at a much cheaper price (Donghyuck was shocked to learn he could buy his notebooks there at half the price he bought them elsewhere). They also knew of the best place to get gummy candies, and Donghyuck was 100% on board.

All three go up to the floor with all the fabric, Renjun making a beeline to his favorite stall. Jaemin is close behind, already unrolling his ecobag to put the fabric in. It smells very distinctly of fabric and old sewing machines, and Donghyuck thinks it feels almost like home.

When Hyuck catches up (the place feels just like Divisoria: cramped as all hell), Renjun is already peering at the different bolts of fabric, using his fingers to point which ones he’s considering. Apparently they need a light blue and a baby pink, since their theme is a children’s party. Jaemin slides into the stall, looking up at the other bolts of fabric on the shelves.

“Can I help you?” a saleslady asks, pulling a ballpen out of her bun.

Renjun smiles at her, his best polite one that can probably put Hyuck’s customer service smile to shame. “Yeah, I’m gonna need some light blue and baby pink fabric, it’s for a tablecloth…”

Donghyuck watches as fabric is pulled out, and Renjun tries to see if he likes the feeling of it. Rubbing the thick material between two fingers, Donghyuck asks, “How much is this one?”

“That’s 80 a yard,” the saleslady says. Jaemin comes back to their side at this.

One of the primary reasons why Jaemin is such a valuable asset to them during shopping trips like this is that he can charm pretty much _anyone_ into giving them a better deal. He can haggle the price of any product, be it a dozen salted eggs or pajama sets or those imitation designer bags. Hyuck remembers that one time he was able to get some pretty nice Nike knock-offs for a quarter of the original selling price. Na Jaemin was some sort of magic in a place like this.

While Jaemin tries to get the saleslady to give it to them for cheaper, Renjun goes into the stall, looking at the gauzy fabric. They needed some of that too, for a backdrop. He points out three different colors, a white, a gold that shimmered slightly, and a very pale blue. Pulling out his drawings for the setup, he tries to visualize each color.

They settle on the white, with the reasoning that it would look dreamy. Renjun calls over the saleslady to help them pull it down, smiling sweetly at her. The combination of him and Jaemin was dangerous indeed, and Hyuck thinks of just how many people they’ve charmed into giving them lower prices with smiles like that.

When they go to the stall where they can have all the fabric cut and sewn, Donghyuck does the talking. He flashes his most brilliant grin, talking patiently to the old man who was going to sew their tablecloths. Handing over a small pad to write the measurements, the man lets out a huff, going back to stitching on the sashes he’s making.

After giving him the instructions and half of the payment, they head to the decorations part of the floor. Renjun points out all the children’s costumes in plastic to Jaemin, who scowls at them.

“Please don’t remind me that I’m going to participate in the pageant again this year,” he says, lips already forming into a pout.

Donghyuck’s eyebrows raise. “You’re chosen again for this year? Even after you won last time?”

“They said I might have a winning streak.”

Leaning forward a bit, Hyuck asks Renjun, “What’s the theme this year?”

“Our courses, but avant-garde.” He’s beaming, obviously excited, even when Jaemin looks like he’s sulking.

“Oh wow. Is Jaemin going to be a building?” he jokes. Jaemin fakes a little cry.

“Yeah, but better.” There’s a chuckle in Renjun’s voice.

They reach the stalls, and they’re already peering at the multi-colored woven lanterns. Renjun had been planning to just get plain ones and paint them over with pastel hues, so he looks around for them. Beside him, Jaemin is putting two long bamboo sticks one on top of the other, probably trying to see just how tall they were planning the backdrop to be.

Trailing behind Renjun, Hyuck says, “People should start hiring you for events.”

Renjun laughs, stepping over a pile of boxes to look at the vases of fake flowers. “I haven’t even done an actual event setup other than org events before.”

“I swear, if you pull of this setup of yours, which I know you will, I’ll handle the Facebook page for your events design myself.”

Jaemin comes up behind them, holding one of the drawings for their setup. “Once Junnie is famous for his event designs, we’ll still prioritize your wedding over all the other clients.”

The ecobag Donghyuck has in his hands is almost thrown at his face. “Oh my god. Don’t talk about that.”

Raising his hands, Jaemin says, “Okay, okay, I’ll shut up about it.”

Well, he never really thought much about getting married. He had liked the idea, the pretty venues and everyone dressing up and the food and the general air of happiness. Being at weddings was nice, and he enjoyed them, but he didn’t think about him actually doing something like that. It had seemed like a faraway thought, something that he didn’t have to worry about yet, so he didn’t.

Even now, it just doesn’t cross his mind. He knows that he’s thought of spending the rest of his life with Jeno (okay, he’s not going to bring that up anytime soon, because he’s not ready), but he just never figured _marriage_ into it. It was a lot to think about, and he didn’t want to think about it while shopping for decor.

Thankfully, neither of his friends bring it up again. They only continue on their quest, ticking the items off the list. 

By 4 in the afternoon, they’re done, and they go to a nearby food place to get palabok. Hyuck orders 3 plates of it, while Renjun finds a table and Jaemin goes out to buy them toasted siopao. Once all three of them are seated in the corner table that Renjun found, they chow down, too tired and hungry to talk for now.

Halfway through his food, Renjun says, “Hey, thank you for coming with us today.”

“No prob, baby,” Donghyuck answers. He takes a sip of his Sprite. “I actually missed coming here.”

“We missed it too,” Jaemin pipes up. “Not much has changed, really.”

After their snack, Jaemin drags the both of them to the other part of the building, where they can find several stalls that sell candy. They’re going to get gummies of every possible type, like they always did.

Not much has changed at all.

● ●

**[MY mr. perfect]** **  
** **Okay okay** **  
** **I’ll agree with you** **  
** **Their b-sides ARE title track material** **  
** **Good morning btw** **  
** **Love u, let’s have lunch together, yeah?**

● ●

Org meetings are a regular fixture in Donghyuck’s life. If he wasn’t in class or the dorm, there’s at least a 90% chance he’s in a meeting.

He’s not the first one to arrive in the little room his publication org occupies. There’s their resident Literary writer, Minhee, as well as one of their editors, Chaewon. Taking his usual seat and setting his bag down, he opens his laptop.

There’s a group project he has to do a handful of research for, so he starts on it while no one is there yet. The airconditioning in their room is making the smell of Minhee’s pancit canton circulate, but Hyuck has to try not to think about it.

Being in a campus publication had been quite the experience, now that he thinks about it. He was lured into it by a friend, and he stayed even though the friend didn’t. Of course, he wasn’t really obligated to stay, but he wanted to. 

Donghyuck has been kinda sorta part of school publications since his last few years in grade school. His teachers selected him to make an article or two, or maybe interview someone, because they trusted that sort of thing with him. Essays were always kind of a strength for him, even at a young age, so writing the odd article for the school paper wasn’t a big deal. If not writing, he was probably the most willing to go up to the school personnel to interview them for a feature.

In high school, he got more involved. He guesses it all started because he was shamelessly promoting his Wattpad fanfic of Niall Horan falling for someone else’s mate (12-year old Hyuck was something that should not really be brought up). People found out he could write, people found out he had little to no actual shame, so really, perfect for the school publication.

Miss So was excited when she greeted all the newcomers to the St. Agnes Herald. Donghyuck and Renjun were squeezed together at the front, already dreading how likely they were to introduce themselves to the rest of the group first.

There, Hyuck realized that he really did like writing. He’s always had, in a way, but really writing for a publication was something that started to feel rewarding. Sure, the school events were a little lackluster and they rejected some of his ideas for articles, but he was able to practice and see their classmates appreciate his writing whenever the school got around to printing the issues.

In his last year of high school, he wanted to see change in the school publication. Hyuck didn’t just want to see the same articles about the boodle fight every teacher’s day or the same near-monotonous retelling of the summer cleanup drive. He wanted to write about more of the stuff that was happening in the school, like how his batchmates felt about the new programs set by the Department of Education, or how there was rampant discouragement of students in their studies due to many different factors. 

Hell, if he was allowed, he might have written a whole article on how some of the teachers’ blatant homophobia has greatly affected confidence and trust amongst students. Donghyuck didn’t just want to write about what was _there_ , that everybody could just see anyways.

No, he wanted to write about what was happening that so many were too afraid to talk about or just weren’t allowed to. High school was a terrifying and shitty place, after all, and he had no interest in making it seem like it was the best years of everybody’s life. It sure wasn’t for him.

But since, of course, censorship is rampant in a place that was so hellbent on maintaining their near-perfect, government-abiding image, he wouldn’t be allowed to. All those ideas would be approved by the rest of the staffers, but not their advisers. He’d expected it, of course, but he had also hoped that the fact that they had fairly young advisers would mean that he had a chance. Apparently not.

So, he decided to write a short story for their literary piece in that one quarterly issue. Hyuck wrote about hope, and dreams, and starting a new life. It started bright, and he weaved a story of a young narrator who was optimistic about this new beginning.

Slowly though, the narrator realizes that his new beginning isn’t quite as happy as they thought. They encounter bumps in the road, but they ultimately push on. No road is perfect after all, right?

But the road doesn’t get any better. There is false hope everywhere, trampled again and again as the narrator navigates their way. They’re stopped when they find something they want to do, to be, because it isn’t right. It wasn’t how they were supposed to be on the right path. They’d be punished if they strayed. There is only the one, set way.

So they become a person different from who they were at the beginning, different goals and with that same sickly optimism. Different, and so hollowed out from who they once were, that they started to encourage the other people to take the same exact path they chose.

Donghyuck was very quietly removed from the campus publication after that. It didn’t feel like much of a loss though, especially not when Renjun put his own “Writer of the Year” medal around Donghyuck’s neck at graduation in front of all the teachers.

Now, he’s writing for two publications, but he’s more of an active member in this one. It feels like home now, writing in this tiny office space and talking about their plans for each week. Writing is never an obligation for him, and he’d willingly write about what has been happening in and out of the campus without any complaint.

Everyone else filters in, squeezing into the space and even having to borrow chairs from a classroom downstairs. Nearly everyone has that exhausted set to their shoulders, but they will go on. After all, campus publications never really have any rest.

As with all meetings, they start with a disposition check. They’re just asked how they’re doing, how’s classes and life in general, and maybe a little update on what they have to finish and submit for editing.

It’s relatively okay for many of them since it’s not too far in the semester yet. Their Photography Head, Hyunwoo, says he’s trying to do fine with his 21 units, and everyone winces and nods in understanding. Minhee tells them that his lab classes are most likely going to take up a huge chunk of his days, so he can’t go to absolutely every meeting. Their EIC, Eunsoo, talks a bit about her struggle with going home the past few weeks so she just stays over at her girlfriend’s condo.

When it’s Hyuck’s turn, he momentarily just looks at his laptop screen. Not much happens in his life at this point, or well, nothing new anyways.

“Doing good,” he says, looking at everyone. God, he can still smell the pancit canton. “You know how it is, just juggling time between thesis and other papers. I’ve finished some articles too, just waiting for edits.”

Their managing editor nods his head. “How’s concert chorus?”

“Well.” Hyuck perks up at the mention of that. Concert chorus is another one of his orgs, and arguably one of his favorite ones. “We’re preparing for a performance in a month, at the College of Architecture. It’s a fundraising event for the people in the campus villages that do not get support from the university, especially now with the threat of them losing their homes.”

“Oh, when’s that, exactly?” Chaewon asks, typing out on her Google Docs for the minutes of the meeting.

“The 15th next month, it’s a Saturday.”

“Noted. How much is the ticket?”

“It’s 200 for people not from this university, and then 100 for students and teachers here.”

Eunsoo rifles in her bag for her planner. “Remind me to buy tickets from you, we’ll come.”

Today’s main agenda is discussing preparations for their orientation of new members. They were going to have it in two weeks, and they usually don’t plan this early, but they’re trying to be better this year. Hyuck knows that their EIC wants to be able to make her last year count, so many changes were being made for the better.

They had amassed about a total of 8 new members, which is, quite frankly, not a lot. In previous meetings, they had come to the consensus that they really do need more members to be able to be more efficient and timely with releases and be able to handle all the general publication work. But it was difficult to get more members, especially since they aren’t the biggest campus pub out there, and campus pubs in general weren’t exactly the most sought-after orgs.

Still, they were determined to make sure that the new members would feel welcome as well as go through workshops that were going to improve their skills. Their associate editor is writing the names of the people they were contacting for the workshops, while Eunsoo is telling them that it’s essential for them to attend too.

Once they’ve assigned who makes the slides for the orientation and who arranges for the meeting room that they’ll use, they go to the next agenda of the day.

There was set to be a presscon to discuss press freedom in a couple of weeks. All the campus publications were invited to join, their Editors-in-Chief to talk in the presscon. It was arranged since there have been even more threats to press freedom in the past months, with not just arrests of journalists, but even campus publication offices raided. Things were escalating, and they cannot just let that happen.

Jungmo, their associate editor, is assigning them to different roles. Of course, they’ll be doing a live coverage of the presscon, so somebody had to livetweet, somebody had to make sure their live feed was okay and running, and then their photographers will have to be there with all their available cameras (3 on the last count). Their graphics team was set to do the pubmats that will be posted on their page, and the poster they’ll hold up when they go room to room to encourage people to join.

Donghyuck will be doing the livetweeting, since he’s the fastest typer of all of them. With him will be Yuri, who will post the updates on Facebook as well.

They’re in the middle of a discussion on whether to use the poster one of the other publications did or to make their own, when Hyuck glances outside the lone window of their office. It’s raining, from the looks of it. Thick, heavy sheets of rain, based on the sound hitting the roof.

Almost on cue, his phone lights up with a message. It’s Jeno.

 **[MY mr. perfect]** **  
** **Still in the meeting?** **  
** **Should I pick u up?**

Hyuck looks at the time on his laptop. It was nearing 8 in the evening. Their meeting has taken long, as always.

 **[duckie ♡ ♡♡]** **  
** **yeah, still in the meeting** **  
** **dk when we’ll finish**

 **[MY mr. perfect]** **  
** **I’ll come there early** **  
** **Meeting’s almsot done heer**

 **[duckie ♡♡♡]** **  
** **don’t text while you’re not looking, baby**

They seem to have come to the agreement to just use the poster that the other publication made, but they’re still in charge of making the pubmat for online use. Their Layout Head assigns it to one of their slightly newer layout members.

By the time that they finish talking about plans for their upcoming issue (Hyuck doesn’t have to write any more articles for the time being, thank God), Jeno texts that he’s waiting for him downstairs. He sends a quick reply back, saying that they’re just wrapping up.

Somebody wants to order pizza for all of them, and Hyuck says that he needs to go. Everyone nods in understanding, thanking him for being in the meeting. Minhee stands up to leave as well, saying that his mom is probably going to kill him for coming home so late.

Hyuck finds Jeno sitting on the stairs, scrolling through Twitter. A pat on his shoulder and he looks up, face brightening at the sight of his boyfriend.

“Hey,” he greets, standing up and wordlessly reaching for Donghyuck’s laptop bag. “Hungry?”

Nodding, Hyuck takes out the umbrella from his bag. “Starving. Can we go to the mall? I kinda want that cheap ramen there.”

Jeno links arms with him. “Sure, but we’re gonna take the jeep out. I’d rather not go to the ramen place drenched.”

They come out of the building into the rainy night, Hyuck’s oddly huge umbrella above them.

● ●

The first time Hyuck said “I love you” to Jeno, he was shivering in the lobby of Jeno’s dorm building.

It was raining, then. He had looked out of the window of his Philo 1 class, watching as it poured in sheets. Even their professor was distracted by it, trailing off from discussing utilitarianism to them whenever thunder boomed.

Donghyuck had cursed at himself for not bringing a jacket. His classes were mostly not airconditioned, or if they were, they were pretty bearable. He had looked at the gray sky that morning and decided to forego the jacket, thinking that it might just be added bulk that he might forget somewhere. But then, it was suddenly cold in that normally humid classroom, and he curled into himself for some warmth.

He had also cursed at himself for wearing sneakers that day. Undoubtedly, he’d have to wade through water to get back to his dorm room. He was going to have to put up with soaked socks and squishy shoes until he got home.

He had been thankful, at least, that he had remembered to put an umbrella into his bag. Better to not be directly rained on, of course.

The rain didn’t let up, even seeming like it got stronger. The university was suddenly not that visible anymore, like it was just a big, sad patch of gray and water. Donghyuck had groaned at the thought of trying to get into a jeep with that weather.

After class, he went down to the lobby, where Jeno had already been waiting, sitting against one of the huge pillars. He had looked up when Hyuck got close, giving a small wave.

“Do you want to wait for it to let up?” Jeno had asked. His eyes had followed Hyuck as he plopped down next to him.

Staring at the clock by the stairs, Donghyuck had considered it. “Until 5 maybe. I have too much to do and the line for the jeeps will be hell.”

Jeno had nodded at that. He knew of course, he was going to line up for the jeeps too. “Okay. You look pretty dead, you know.”

Hyuck had chuckled. “Tell me about it. I’ve had a whole day starting at 7 with exactly one 30-minute break.”

They had fallen into easy conversation then, Jeno complaining about the amount of math he already had to do and how he’s going to have to buy a bulk of yellow pad paper, Hyuck telling him about how it was faster if he just walked from building to building than to wait for a jeep but that it came at the cost of him sweating through his shirt every damn time. 

The hour they had to wait passed by quickly, but the rain still hadn’t stopped. Jeno had frowned at their view from the lobby.

“Should we just go for it?” he had asked, a sigh in his voice.

Following his gaze, Donghyuck had let out a long exhale. He had shrugged. “We don’t have a choice.”

Together, they stood up, shifting their backpacks to their front and taking out their umbrellas. Donghyuck had known it would be useless to even hope that his shoes would survive it, so he had just took in a deep breath and mentally readied himself. Jeno had cuffed his jeans to about mid-calf, looking ruefully at his own sneakers. 

They had gone out in the rain together, their steps careful with all the rainwater and the slippery sidewalks. Almost automatically, they had held onto each other by the arm, making sure that neither would slip and fall into the mud.

The walk to the jeepney terminal had been long and very, very wet. Both had sloshed through the mini flood on their side of the street, careful with their uneven pavement and all the spots of mud that had been pooling. Halfway there, close to the College of Education building, Hyuck had slipped on some of that mud, only to be barely caught by Jeno’s arm. He had been giggling at it, even though Jeno had looked genuinely worried. There had been mud on his calves, and he just laughed at them.

Jeno had wrapped his own jacket around him, still. Hyuck had protested against it, of course. He’d always known that Jeno got cold a bit too easily, always bringing a jacket with him no matter what. But there he was, taking it off in the middle of the sidewalk and practically forcing Hyuck into it. 

If Donghyuck hadn’t been soaked from the rain and had the urge to go home washing over him, he just might have felt his heart jump to his throat at that.

Because it was Jeno. Jeno, who he had already loved for three years at that point. Jeno, who could probably break Donghyuck’s heart with that smile that always reaches his eyes. Jeno, who always cared so, so much.

At the terminal, they were supposed to separate, needing to go on two different jeeps. Jeno would go to his in-campus dorm, and Hyuck would go to his off-campus one. But Jeno had only held his hand securely as if he’d slip again, and got him into the jeep that he was going on, too. Hyuck was too tired to argue.

They had gotten off by Jeno’s dorm building, and the rain had somehow let up, but everything was still very much a slosh of rainwater and mud. Jeno took him to the lobby, sitting him down on one of the creaky leather sofas and told him to wait there. Their bags were dumped beside Hyuck, and their umbrellas were dripping dry on the floor.

Within a few minutes, Jeno got back with a towel, a shirt, and a pack of wipes. He used the towel on Hyuck’s arms and hair, draping it over his shoulders so it would catch drips. The wipes they had a little argument about, and Hyuck won it, so he had wiped the mud off his legs himself. Outside, the rain went on, blurring the world beyond the dorm building.

“I already texted Mark.” Jeno had pressed the towel over Hyuck’s soaked shirt. “He’s just going to finish one more class and he’ll pick you up here to take to your dorm building.”

Donghyuck had only looked at him, not replying. Why did Jeno keep thinking of how to help him?

“You should take a bath when you get back to your dorm, you’re going to get sick if you–”

“I love you.”

Saying that had made Donghyuck feel like he just punched himself in the face, but it was out, and he didn’t have the strength to take it back.

And he really did love him, he knew. He’d been hiding it for so long that it was starting to feel wrong to hold it in. It did nobody any good, especially not him.

Donghyuck wasn’t afraid of voicing how he felt, even with all the risks. So surviving those years not telling Jeno because his fear of losing him overrode all other feelings? He just didn’t want to stay there.

Jeno’s brows had shot up. “I–I, uh, what?”

“It’s weird, I know. I’m sorry.” Hyuck had scrunched his face up. “But I just...think you should know. You deserve to know.”

“That you love me?” Hyuck had barely been able to hear Jeno’s voice over the rain.

“Yeah. In a… not-best-friends way. In a,” he had made a gesture, “you know.”

Lee Donghyuck, with a course in the College of Mass Communication, just couldn’t say anything that sounded right at all.

“It’s not weird.” Jeno had taken the pack of wipes from him and handed him the dry shirt. 

“Really?” Hyuck had tried to push down the sound of hope in his voice. “You don’t have to say it back or anything.”

He never wanted to force it on him. It was going to be his choice and his alone. Donghyuck always wanted to respect that.

Jeno had only nodded, the corners of his mouth pulling up. “Not at all.”

“Okay then.” Hyuck had taken in a deep breath at that, pushing down the dull ache in his heart at the fact that Jeno hadn’t said it back. After all, why had he been expecting? “I love you, Lee Jeno. Need to get that out one last time before it turns awkward, I guess.”

Then, Jeno had looked at him with eyes that Donghyuck just couldn’t decipher. Before he could try, Jeno’s phone had pinged with a message.

While he had been checking it, Hyuck changed into the shirt right there in the lobby. He had let the rain fill in their silence. 

“Mark’s here,” Jeno had said simply. His hand reached out to give Hyuck his damp bag. “I’ll take you to his car.”

The journey to Mark’s car some 10 or so feet away from the entrance had just been Jeno holding an umbrella over Hyuck’s head, his other hand securely on his waist. Once inside, Jeno had pressed his hand against the window in a goodbye.

It hadn’t felt like heartbreak. It had felt like something else, something Hyuck didn’t have the energy to think about, as he inhaled the scent of Jeno’s fabric softener on the way home.

● ●

Most days, Donghyuck would first wake up because of Jeno.

Jeno always had some form of early class, or some weirdly spaced ones. More often than not, he’d wake up first, getting ready around two hours before Hyuck even needs to get up. He’s quiet and careful, trying his best not to wake up the sleeping form in the bed across from his.

It just so happens that Hyuck wakes up sometimes. It may just be an errant loud sound, or his sleep was too shallow to even be fully asleep. So he just sits up, watches as his boyfriend moves around the dorm to get his clothes for the day and go out of the room to the communal bathroom at the end of the hallway.

He’d fall back asleep at some point, then waking up to an empty room and the ghost of Jeno saying a goodbye to him.

Other times, though, Jeno would press soft kisses on his forehead or fingertips, barely there, but enough to make Donghyuck stir. Even in sleep, he’d reach out to him, try to get him closer. He remembers faint chuckling, Jeno saying he can’t really stay for long, the feeling of his head on Donghyuck’s chest or his fingers in Donghyuck’s hair. 

Later, when he’d finally wake up, he finds himself missing the feeling, even though he’s not always sure he actually felt it.

Sometimes, on the days that Hyuck needs to be woken up by Jeno, it’s undoubtedly a feat in itself. He’s known that he isn’t the absolute easiest to wake up, especially when he has had a night of schoolwork. 

Jeno has found that the most effective way is to sit him up, and then either tugging gently at his hair and kissing his face or outright tickling him (reserved specially for the days that Donghyuck is _extra_ stubborn with waking up). He wakes up alright, but getting woken up like that usually results in a few minutes of just cuddling, wherein Jeno reminds him that he’ll be late, and Donghyuck tells him that it barely matters to him anymore.

On the extra rare days that they share a bed (they can’t really fit both of them in the tiny dorm bed), he wakes up when Jeno shifts, either to leave for class or just to get a crick out of his neck. Either way, Hyuck will grumble and try to get him back in bed, and it almost always works, even just for a few more minutes.

Otherwise, he’d wake because the bed suddenly feels rather empty, and he’d hear Jeno chuckle softly at him and press a kiss on his head to promise that he’ll be back later.

Mornings like that are what he misses whenever he goes home. Granted, that’s not very often, since his actual home is an Isarog bus ride away, and the only other home he has in the metro is his uncle’s and he barely has stuff there anyways. 

Still. He appreciates routine, and mornings with Jeno were already a steady part of that. Hyuck can go without it, but it just isn’t the same.

But something constant about mornings, no matter where they both are, Jeno would always leave a good morning message. Be it a short reminder for Hyuck to bring something, or a quote he Googles in the moment before he leaves their dorm room, or just wishing Hyuck to have a good day, it would always be there.

Every now and then, though, it’s Donghyuck that wakes Jeno up. Only really happens when Jeno is too tired from the day before and oversleeps, or he just sleeps in on the days that he doesn’t have classes.

If it’s the first one. Hyuck jolts awake, sensing something is wrong. He’ll check the time, nearly jump out of bed when he sees it’s past the time Jeno has to wake up, and pad over to the other side of the room to shake Jeno awake. That often resulted in a dazed Jeno rushing to get dressed and to get out the door as quick as possible before Hyuck can get a word in.

If it’s the second one, Hyuck takes his time. He would sit on the edge of Jeno’s bed, gently flicking stray strands of hair off his boyfriend’s sleeping face. Jeno’s hair was never kept too long, but in the times he forgets to get a haircut on time, Hyuck relished it. It was nice to twirl his fingers in, and it softened Jeno’s features somehow.

Seeing him actually sleep without anything important to wake up early for was one of Donghyuck’s favorite things. Jeno deserved the rest, every single bit of it, so he never rushed waking him up.

He’d quietly sing to him, just random songs he’d hear over the week. Jeno never woke up with those, and it was nice to just whisper the words to him. Donghyuck would sing to him about everyday and pieces and flowers and rain, fingertips gently running over the planes of his face to commit to memory. After all, who knows when Hyuck will lose him? Who knows when he can’t be allowed to do that anymore?

Jeno would wake after a good morning greeting and a few smooches to his knuckles. Usually, he’d just pull Hyuck in, nearly squashing him to his chest, just to say that he needs a few more minutes. His boyfriend would just go with it, his chuckles buried in Jeno’s shirt.

On the days that they share a bed, limbs a tangled mess and Jeno’s face buried in between Hyuck’s shoulder blades, Hyuck would pat at the hands clasped around his waist. “We need to get up, baby,” he’d say, and Jeno would snuggle in further, mumbling something like, “No we don’t.”

Mornings like that end up rather unproductive, and the heavens know that that’s exactly what they deserve to have.

Most nights, Donghyuck helps Jeno to sleep. 

There’s that point in exhaustion that you just can’t seem to get yourself to rest, no matter how sleepy you are. He knows this well. That restless sort of tired, when he tosses and turns in bed and stares at his ceiling, begging for some way to fall asleep. Sometimes, sleep just doesn’t come.

At the end of long days, Hyuck was grateful for the thin mattress and his pillows. He could just melt into them, drift off and hopefully wake up on time the next day. 

At the end of long days, Jeno usually has long nights. He’d sit at his desk, working on something or the other that Hyuck just couldn’t spare enough braincells to fully comprehend. Donghyuck would pull an all-nighter himself and manage to get some semblance of sleep in, while he was sure Jeno just wouldn’t. Or, he’d fall asleep to Jeno writing a paper and wake up to him finishing a presentation. Most nights it was like that.

And most nights, he’d try to pry him away from the desk, remind him to eat and to rest. Jeno was nearly boneless as he went, sagging against him with all the exhaustion in the world. 

Then, Hyuck would refuse to let him get back to his desk, pulling him into his lap and cradling him as best as he can. Like that, Jeno seemed so small, just a ball of rumpled t-shirt and deep breaths. Hyuck would rub circles into his hair, will him to relax even more in his arms.

He’d sing to him then, too. Soft songs that a part of Donghyuck remembers even after years of not listening to them. Songs that he used to listen to so he could cry. He’d sing to Jeno, wishing that he just get at least a few hours of actual rest, even if it was at the expense of Hyuck not being able to feel his limbs in the morning.

And Jeno would thread his fingers through the necklace around Hyuck’s neck, fiddling with the ring on the chain. He’d hum along to whatever his boyfriend is singing, just loud enough for Hyuck to hear him. It was easy for him to drift off then, letting himself be held and without anymore words in between them.

Some nights, Jeno would willingly stay up with Donghyuck. Even when he doesn’t have to.

He’d make sandwiches with their loaf of bread and whatever spread Hyuck bought for them, munching on them as he checked through his boyfriend’s papers and survey questions. Jeno would highlight parts that Hyuck could improve or change in the morning, and correct some simple errors that Hyuck’s sleepy brain just didn’t register at 2 am.

Or he’d hug him from behind and keep him awake with the occasional tickle and the touches against his belly when he had to cram something. Donghyuck would get little cheers from him as well when he’d finish a part of whatever he was doing, and that was enough to keep him going until he finished it.

Or he’d get on the floor and help in cutting colored paper for an event that Donghyuck was going to have. They’d have a little pile by the time they turn in to bed, with glitter on the floor and their hands and drying glue everywhere.

Or, on the nights when Hyuck just can’t sleep from whatever his brain decides to put him through for the night, Jeno stays awake, sometimes just sitting beside him and playing music for him, sometimes holding him until he can finally fall asleep. Jeno’s heartbeat has always been the biggest comfort, and Hyuck liked pressing his fingertips to it, feel it against his cheek.

Donghyuck thinks that every day just can’t be that bad, not when he has Jeno.

● ●

**[MY mr. perfect]** **  
** **Morning baby** **  
** **My classes for today got cancelled** **  
** **I’ll just be at the dorm, okay?** **  
** **Sending you dog pics for strength!** **  
** **_5 image attachments_ ** **  
** **I kinda wanna get a puppy but where are we even gonna put it….**

● ●

Looking up from typing his third paper of the day, Hyuck takes a moment to just look at his boyfriend, sprawled out on the bed.

When Jeno lies on his tummy on his bed, Hyuck always is tempted to come up to him and cuddle him. That broad, strong back, his feet playfully kicking in the air, the way he looks so cozy even as he scrolls through a document. Donghyuck is merely a weak human.

So he goes over, climbs into the creaky bed, then draping himself over his boyfriend. He hooks his chin over a shoulder, wrapping his arms around his waist. Jeno barely moves from reading, but he does let out a chuckle.

“You’re distracting, you know that?”

Donghyuck smiles against his shoulder. “I’m aware.”

“Are you just bored or do you need a cuddle?”

Humming, he presses closer. “They’re not mutually exclusive.”

It makes Jeno laugh. “Well, you’re gonna have to cuddle while I finish this.”

He nods, snuggling into him. “Got it, boss.”

Even without seeing it, he knows Jeno rolled his eyes at that remark.

For a while, he only toys with the tags on Jeno’s shirt and the hair at Jeno’s nape, not wanting to disturb him too much. From what Hyuck can see, he’s reading what looks like a company briefing, with details on the type of company and their many ventures. He doesn’t understand many of the jargon used, so he just goes back to embracing Jeno.

His boyfriend is honestly his favorite pillow. Sturdy, warm, and sometimes, with a voice that soothed Donghyuck into resting. He always smelled of baby cologne, has smelled like that since their high school days, and he loved burying himself in the scent. It felt like home, one where he would always be safe and sound.

Of all the things he’s thankful for, he is absolutely thankful that Jeno indulges him like this. Lets him cling and touch, without squirming away. Jeno wasn’t the type of person that liked clinginess with most people, but he never minded with Hyuck. He always let him hug, hold his hand, practically crawl into his lap, and he always held him too. It didn’t matter if they looked ridiculous in public, Jeno never complained about it.

It took some time, though, when they had just became boyfriends. Jeno would let him hug him and hold his hand, yes, but the kissing he just couldn’t quite handle. Their first was awkward, as most firsts are, and Jeno looked like he was about to jump away from the contact. A lot of the ones that came after in the first few months were similar, like Jeno was electrocuted every time Hyuck kissed him anywhere.

When he eased into it though, getting used to the smooches to the nose and the pecks to the cheeks and the full-on kisses to the mouth, he started chasing after it. It was funny really, how he went from being wide-eyed every time Hyuck so much as pecked at him to pulling Hyuck in for more kisses. 

Jeno, as Donghyuck has come to learn, liked all sorts of kisses. He liked soft ones to the temples and shoulders. He liked when Hyuck brought his fingers to his mouth and brushed his lips over them. He liked quick pecks to the corners of his smile and his cheeks. He liked gentle ones that never really deepened when they were both too sleepy. He liked the sloppy ones, when they were both too far gone to care. He liked the ones tasting of ice cream and Saturdays. He liked the ones that said “I love you” in a thousand different ways. He liked all of them, and Hyuck let him have it all.

Feeling himself almost dropping off into sleep, he pulls himself up a little higher, pressing his face into Jeno’s neck. He brushes his lips over the skin there, as softly as he can. It makes Jeno hum, the sound reverberating against Donghyuck.

“That’s a little unfair,” he chastises, but his tone is light.

Hyuck presses a kiss onto his spine. “Am sleepy.”

“Bit needy too.”

He presses a kiss to his temple. “Nap with me, baby.”

The breath that Jeno takes in lifts Donghyuck too. Closing his laptop, he has him place it on the floor, and Hyuck complies readily.

With Jeno still squashed beneath him, Hyuck snuggles closer. God, Jeno’s shirts are so nice and soft, and he’s so nice to hold.

“Are you going to let me hold you properly or what?” comes the slightly muffled voice under him. With a chuckle, he gets off just enough for his boyfriend to shift position so he’s facing up. 

Jeno opens his arms readily. “Come here.”

He goes, nestling into him like he belongs there. He does. Jeno’s arms are where he belongs now, and he has no plans on leaving.

Fingers run through his hair, twisting and tugging gently. “We’re not gonna get anything done at this rate.”

Hyuck huffs out a laugh. “Yup.”

“We’re gonna pull all-nighters again.”

“We sure are.”

Looking down at him, Jeno pouts. “It’s not like we ever stopped, huh?”

A grin spreads across Donghyuck’s face. “Why would we?”

Jeno laughs, shaking his head. “We’re hopeless.”

A giggle bubbling out of his throat, Hyuck leans up to kiss him. “Of course we are.”

Choosing not to say anything in reply, Jeno uses a hand to hold Hyuck’s chin while he dips to kiss him, deeper now. Hyuck smiles into the kiss, melting as the soft lips glide over his.

There’s an arm around him, the hand slowly lifting a corner of his shirt. The coolness of Jeno’s fingertips feel nice against his skin. Jeno makes gentle motions, more soothing than anything else, while his other hand is still holding Hyuck in place to kiss him over and over.

Even with them being together for 3 years now, kissing Jeno still made him feel breathless. His heart would beat against his ribs, and he’d feel like his chest was collapsing in on itself. Like he’s holding his breath the entire time, unable to believe that it’s real. His mind would blank out, and he just wanted to get lost in the feeling of steady hands on him and a mouth he just couldn’t get enough of. It was almost addictive, how Jeno was both so gentle and so devastating at the same time, with kisses that made Hyuck feel absolutely boneless.

Jeno didn’t light him on fire. No, Jeno held him close and made him feel like he was a universe being born. All these feelings flood him, enough to make him overflow through his fingers that always held Jeno as close as possible. It was being stitched together, and yet ready to burst at the seams, becoming all the stars in the sky that they were under. 

God, Jeno made him feel like the beginning of something beautiful that neither of them could quite comprehend yet. Every touch, every single time he’s pressed impossibly closer, Donghyuck feels everything as they’re written into the constellations.

The hand on his waist shifts a little lower, passing over Hyuck’s hips and the waistband of his joggers. He laughs into Jeno’s mouth, surprised he can even make that sound after what felt like all the oxygen in his lungs being siphoned out.

“Woah there, Mr. Lee,” he says once he manages to pull away. “We’d have to pull several all-nighters if you’re going to do that.”

Jeno lifts an eyebrow, a gesture of cockiness that Hyuck very rarely sees that he almost keens at it. Goddamn Lee Jeno and that stupidly perfect face. Leaning forward, he captures Hyuck’s bottom lip between his teeth, and Hyuck has to fight down a gasp.

“We both know we’re ahead of our deadlines.”

And Donghyuck would have laughed, would have straight-up guffawed at how his boyfriend now suddenly abandons the work he has to do. If only he wasn’t quickly warming up, if only he just wasn’t so unbelievably turned on by the thought of Jeno, _his_ Jeno being unable to resist even when Hyuck himself was reminding him of the possible consequences.

“You’re evil sometimes, you know that?” He leans up to hold Jeno’s face in his hands. He kisses him, breathing in his air because his lungs seem to refuse taking in oxygen on their own. Jeno’s touch against his waist is warm now, sneaking up into his shirt and pushing it until the fabric bunched. “You’re not that angel people see you as.”

A smirk plays on Jeno’s kiss-swollen mouth. His thumbs are now dangerously close to Hyuck’s nipples, making little strokes just under them. “Do you want me to be good tonight, Hyuckie?”

He doesn’t, so he shakes his head no. The smile that spreads across Jeno’s face is downright devious.

It takes very little for Jeno to sit up and take Donghyuck with him, his hands coming to rest on his hips. His mouth is hot, hungry as he kisses Hyuck again, and if it weren’t for his hands holding him in place, Hyuck might just have not been able to hold himself up.

Soon enough, that mouth is latched onto Donghyuck’s neck, making marks that he knows he’ll have to cover up in the morning. Strong hands have trailed up Hyuck’s back, and he thinks that he just might tear his shirt into shreds if he set his mind to it.

Rocking forward to press closer, it makes the bed creak. For a moment, the thought of the dorm manager knocking on their door makes Donghyuck’s heart rate spike, and he sucks in a breath at the thought of them being walked in on.

“Mmm, you’re thinking,” Jeno coos from where he’s sucking on Hyuck’s collarbone. “Worried we’ll be too loud?”

It takes a solid moment for him to nod in response, the way that Jeno’s throbbing against him a little too distracting. “We almost got caught that one time before, right?”

Jeno smiles, dipping back to mouth at his skin. “I’m afraid you already agreed that I won’t be good tonight, Hyuckie.”

He gulps in a breath at that, wishing that his chest didn’t feel like it would just explode. Carding fingers through Jeno’s hair, he only presses him closer. God, that mouth was sin in itself, and it just might break him.

“Are you still sleepy, baby?” Jeno asks, momentarily looking up. “Want me to wake you up?”

Donghyuck tugs at the locks of hair. “Can you give me a good dream?”

And when Jeno huffs out a laugh then, deep and rumbling and absolutely going straight to Hyuck’s _everything_ , Hyuck has to force air into his lungs again. The smile on his boyfriend’s face is downright dangerous, and he should really start thinking about what he says to him when he’s like this.

“Oh, Hyuckie, I’ll give you something to dream about.”

● ●

They go to the in-campus church on Sundays, right before biking. It’s habit now, after 4 years of doing it.

Donghyuck doesn’t pray anymore, nor does he really believe in a God. He hasn’t in about 7 years. There was once even a time his high school classmates sat him down and asked him why he didn’t believe in God, looking for all the world distressed about it. 

But he respects that people have religions and their own set of beliefs. He respects that people hold onto their faith. Faith was comforting to many people. As long as they didn’t do any harm in the name of their religion or their God, it really wasn’t his concern.

Jeno isn’t absolutely devout, but he still has his faith. He prays, he goes to church when he can, he has a little metal rosary tucked into a pocket of his bag. It’s a part of who he is, and that shouldn’t be taken away from him, even when he’s in a university with a good percentage of people who don’t have their faith anymore.

So they go to church on Sundays, and even though they’re early, it’s almost always packed by then. Families, students, professors fill the seats, and Donghyuck and Jeno have to stay at the back, with the strong fans and the other people crowding around.

The church is beautiful, in its nearly ancient way. It was always dark somehow when they were in it, shrouded by all the stone while the center of the dome-like structure was bathed in light from the windows. None of it was particularly fancy, but it was well-maintained, with everything clean and orderly and just so homely. He thinks of how people have had events here, decorating the aisles with flowers and sashed, and how this might have looked breathtaking in photos.

Hyuck has always liked the older churches and chapels. Although they weren’t brightly lit and sleek, they had much more charm, a character to them. The pews were weathered, dents in the wood from years, decades, maybe centuries of people sitting and kneeling, their elbows on the backs when they prayed. The stone could be chipping in places, or overgrown with vines against the old paint, and there was nothing more gorgeous. 

History was embedded in the walls, in every piece of wood and paintings of the stations of the cross, in the stone bowl at the front with the holy water. Haunting, maybe, the bells tolling echoing against the stone. Beautiful, definitely, in how generations have been going to the same church and adding even more to its history.

Even though he doesn’t believe anymore, Hyuck quite likes mass. The voice of the priest echoing through the church, the songs that he still knows by heart, the scent of holy water and sampaguita flowers and old stone in his lungs. He listens to the homily, as best as he can, and he reacts when the others react. It’s a now-familiar feeling, and it doesn’t really feel wrong.

He remembers his mom practically dragging him to the only chapel in their area, bribing him with ice cream at the end just so he would go. No child really liked mass, he thought, because he surely didn’t, and neither did his cousins. They’d play during the homily, only to be shushed by their fathers when they made too much noise. The only thing Hyuck really liked was the singing, the songs pleasant even when he didn’t understand all of them.

Sometimes, he looks around at all the people here. The little girl that comes every Sunday jumps over the cracks in the floor, her brightly colored shoes landing on the floor with dull thuds. The old couple that comes and goes silently, always placed at the far end of the last row of pews, with their simple clothes and their bowed heads. A few people he recognizes, from classes or just from walking around campus, in their P.E. shirts or their university hoodies. A professor he’d very much not like to see. A father chasing his two-year old across the back of the church. So many people, some of them becoming familiar to him at this point, and so many stories within all of them.

Jeno’s hand is warm when he holds Hyuck’s for _Our Father_. Taking in a deep breath, Hyuck sings the song, ingrained into him that he thinks he won’t really forget it. The voices from everyone fills the small space, quite beautiful even though it’s not always in harmony.

Donghyuck guards their little pocket of space when Jeno goes to the line for communion. The little girl bumps into him a few times, and he steadies her, smiles at her concerned mother, and gently pats her head of braids. 

Every time Jeno comes back after communion, he wonders what he prays for. The last thing Hyuck has prayed for while letting the communion wafer melt on his tongue was for his family to stop being so exhausting to deal with all the time. That was a very long time ago.

After mass, they go to the nearby clearing with all the food stalls. Their favorite one was right at the front, the first one you get to when you come out of the church. Hyuck gets them a round of fishballs and kwek-kwek first, dousing them in sauce and sticking toothpicks into the pile. They stand by the stall, setting down their paper bowls on the ledge for that exact purpose, their direct view the display case with all the food.

“I’ll miss Sundays here,” Jeno muses, popping a fishball into his mouth and chewing. “I feel like I’ll keep coming back long after I’ve graduated.”

Donghyuck bumps shoulders with him. “You’re not leaving yet.”

“I know.” Jeno opens two bottles of water for them. “I’m just...thinking.”

Taking in a deep breath, Hyuck looks straight ahead, and the pile of squidball sticks on display. He bites the inside of his cheek. “Do you think you’ll graduate after next semester?”

For a while, Jeno says nothing, so their silence is filled in by the sound of food frying, people milling about and eating, and parents trying to coerce their kids into not getting soda. Donghyuck just keeps eating, but he’s slowed down.

He had said that he was okay with it. He really is. But he’s been thinking too, about what it would be like once Jeno graduates and moves out. Of course, he’ll still see him, but things just won’t be the same.

“Maybe.” Jeno’s answer is so soft that Hyuck barely hears it above everything else. “If I get all the classes I need, I can graduate already.”

Suddenly, Hyuck’s lips feel very dry. “What are you gonna do after graduating?”

Jeno reaches over to get one of the big sauce bottles, dousing his food in even more. “Mom emailed me about some jobs that I can probably consider going to. Just simple ones, in good companies.” He uses the toothpick to press the fishballs down. “Somewhere to start.”

Turning to him, Donghyuck smiles. There is something like tears welling up behind his eyes. “I’m going to see you in a _sablay_. I think I’m gonna burst out crying.”

The _sablay_ is a sash specially made for graduates of their university. It was handcrafted, unique in its pattern, their school colors woven together. It was long regarded as a way to show that you’ve made it, you’ve graduated, and it was to be worn with pride. The word also meant to assume a responsibility, which was fitting since graduating meant that they were to carry a social obligation even outside the wall of the classroom.

Thinking about Jeno in it was enough to make all sorts of emotions swell up in him. This uni was always a dream between the both of them, a promise to themselves to do well in their studies during high school and working hard to make sure that they can graduate from here. It was all those sleepless nights and stress over papers and crying about exams and cup upon cup of cheap coffee, all of it would amount to them in that _sablay_ , walking up the stage with the brightest smile in the world.

Donghyuck thinks seeing his boyfriend doing just that will make him the happiest man in the world.

For a moment, Jeno stops what he’s doing and reaches out a hand to cradle his boyfriend’s head. “Hey. As you said, I’m not leaving yet. We can’t be sure when that will happen yet.”

He leans into the touch. “I know. Just thinking about it though… It’s a lot.”

Jeno was still a lot more likely to graduate on time than any of them. He wasn’t leaving, of course not, but his presence in the campus and their dorms would be missed. Hyuck hasn’t not been with him while he was still having classes in 8 years. It would be quite the adjustment.

And he knows he’s not the only one who will miss Jeno. Bright, warm Jeno, who was good with his words when needed, who hugged them without question, who would pick them up with a spare umbrella if any of them forgot. Jeno, who did karaoke with them and made them laugh until their sides hurt, who protected them the best he could at any given opportunity. 

“It is.” His boyfriend lets out a sigh, and then letting the corners of his mouth tug up into a smile. “It’s scary, and starting a new chapter of life is even scarier, but it’s okay. I have you, and Jaemin and Renjun and Chenle and Jisung and Mark. I have people I can hold onto, that I can be brave with. I have something that I know I can do well, something I’m genuinely confident in. I’ll be okay. We’ll all be.”

An arm comes around Hyuck’s waist, the hand squeezing him gently. Hyuck smiles back at him. He believes it. They will all be okay.

● ●

Most days, Donghyuck is an unstoppable force of nature (so he’s told).

He’s part of 5 orgs, all of which he’s active in. He regularly does the room-to-room for his orgs, his practiced voice doing him well in getting the announcement across. Other than that, he regularly participates in movements, and he’s chosen as one of the speakers more often than not.

Aside from that, he can finish an average of 5 whole papers a day, given the time and resources. He’s long learned how to (responsibly) bullshit his way through papers, and have enough evidence to back up whatever he’s saying. It’s a talent, really.

In addition, he hasn’t missed a single event, be it something he has to cover, or an org thing, or a little post-exams celebration, or even a Christening in his family. Hyuck can breeze from one place to the next with ease, and still be the life of the party wherever he is.

He can even perform in a packed concert hall right after an emergency meeting. Yeah, he guesses he is a force of nature.

Other days, though, he just closes his laptop, placing it on his desk before coming back to his bed to curl up. He can’t always explain why he feels that way, or how he even got to that point. Sometimes, he can, yeah, but most of the time it’s just a slate full of question marks and way too many bad thoughts. It just happens sometimes, and he needs some time to get back up.

Easier said than done. Even with his frankly terrible mattress, he just doesn’t want to get up on some days. He’d much rather sink into bed, hugging his pillow to himself and stare at nothing in particular. Sometimes, it would take an hour for him to get up; sometimes, a whole day or two.

It’s never quite the same on days like that. There would be times that he’d just have a good cry before getting himself back to work. Other times, he wouldn’t talk to anyone nor register much of anything, and it would be hard to bring him back out of it. On rare occasions, he’d be in that slump for a week with no real explanation he can come up with.

Resting wasn’t always great either. He knew that he needed it, knew that he should take breaks, but sometimes the breaks made him feel worse. Like he was wasting time, even though a part of him knew he wasn’t. He needed the break to feel better, but there would be the guilt that edged it.

So he’d either work to cope, or he needed to distract himself. Both not the best of ideas, but it had to do. 

Today is one of those days, and he feels straight-up like crap.

He doesn’t really know how it started really. Hyuck had just finished his research for a report, and was just scrolling through his social media, and then it hit. That’s the thing. He can’t tell when and where it’ll hit, just that it will at some point. It’s hard to be prepared when you can’t even expect what’s coming.

Gently, he closes his laptop, placing it on the table in between his and Jeno’s beds. He just doesn’t feel like walking all the way over to his desk. Afterwards, he unlocks and locks his phone a few times, not really knowing why. Sighing, he puts that on top of his laptop, face down.

Everything just feels wrong. His hands are tingling, and flexing his fingers is a foreign feeling. For a while, he stares at the motion, focusing on it. It just makes him feel weirder.

So he takes one of his pillows, hugging it to his chest as he turns to face a wall. He breathes in deeply, in and out. A few tears slip out of his eyes, but he doesn’t really remember feeling them until he hears a thump against his pillow.

Maybe it’ll be best if he sleeps. That helps a lot usually. He closes his eyes, breathes in deeply, and hopes that the exhaustion in his bones is enough to get him to rest.

Apparently, he doesn’t fall asleep, because he hears Jeno’s soft, “Do you need anything, Hyuckie?”

Donghyuck didn’t even know that he came in already. His heart feels like it’s twisting, and he tries to breathe through it. “Water...if–if you can.”

He doesn’t hear much of anything else after that, but if he did, he knows that he would have heard Jeno shuffle around the room. Probably place his laptop and phone on the desk, where they’re safer. Get some water for him and pour it into his cup. Maybe get him something to eat. Maybe Jeno already placed the glass on the table, and Hyuck would not have known.

“Just call when you need anything else, okay? I’ll be right here,” somehow gets through the haze.

Whenever this happens, Jeno is extra careful. He doesn’t make any noise (although he already barely makes any), just works at his desk or reads in bed so that he’s reachable. He’d give Donghyuck water and food and an extra pillow, and he’d never pry. On days like this, he’s even more patient, letting Donghyuck go at his own pace. Donghyuck appreciates that.

He falls asleep to the sound of Jeno’s soft typing at his laptop.

He has no idea what time it is when he wakes up, but he does know that he doesn’t feel much better. Opening his eyes, he sees that he didn’t move in his sleep, as he’s still staring at the wall next to his bed. With a hand against the wall, touching softly, he takes in a breath.

It takes some maneuvering to turn in bed. His bones feel like they’re protesting, and there’s the slightest headache at the base of his skull. His eyes feel dry and warm, like he’d been crying. 

As he turns, he registers that Jeno is now in his bed, horizontal as he reads his copy of their readings in a class. His lips move just a bit as he reads the words. 

“Jeno,” Hyuck manages, but it doesn’t sound much above a whisper. His boyfriend looks over at him though, eyes wide in question.

“Yeah? Do you need anything?” He puts his readings down onto his stomach.

For a few seconds, Hyuck only thought of what he could possibly want. After those few seconds, he nods. “Can you come here?”

Jeno moves quickly, setting aside his papers and instantly appearing by Donghyuck’s side. He gently sits down on the bed, careful not to touch him yet.

“Do you want me to hold you or just to stay here?” he asks gently. His glasses make his eyes look even wider with concern.

With his hand, Donghyuck reaches out to touch the sleeve of his hoodie. “You can hold me.”

Slowly, Jeno climbs into the bed, minding all of Donghyuck’s limbs. Donghyuck shifts to make space for him, watching as his boyfriend squeezes into the tiny bed. Arms wrap around him, and even though it’s initially a little awkward, Jeno adjusts so that he’s pulled into a proper embrace. There’s enough space for him to move around, but he still feels secure. The pillow is in between them, and he’s thankful for the softness where he feels like his ribs just might break.

“Okay?” Jeno’s voice is just a whisper, and his breath is warm against Hyuck’s skin. Fingers tangle in Hyuck’s hair, and a distant part of his brain tries to think if he’s showered yet and if his hair is disgusting, but a bigger part of him just doesn’t care at this moment.

He nods in response, closing his eyes. They feel like they burn, but there are no tears. 

“Rest for now. I’m not going to leave.”

Donghyuck nods again, and he feels a singular tear slip out of an eyelid. “Thank you,” he breathes out.

The fingers in his hair make soothing circles. He doesn’t fall asleep to it, not quite, but it somehow makes his lungs feel less like they’ll collapse into themselves.

They’re quiet for what feels like hours and minutes at the same time. Hyuck wonders if Jeno can feel his heartbeat even with the bit of distance between them, because he sure as hell feels it. It buzzes under his skin, in his ears, and it almost hurts. Like it’s breaking, and he doesn’t quite know why.

Jeno doesn’t ask questions, doesn’t continually ask if he’s okay. He just lets him breathe it out, do what he needs to do. If he talks, then he talks. If he doesn’t, it’s okay. Jeno would never push him to it.

It’s how he is, caring without wanting to force it unto anyone. He respected everyone’s pace, everyone’s way of dealing, unless he saw that it harmed them. It wasn’t for him to interfere.

Hyuck reaches out a hand to trace the shell of Jeno’s ear. “Do you...do you think I’m annoying?”

His boyfriend’s glasses are a bit askew from lying down. “No. No, because you’re not annoying.”

Tears prickle at the back of his eyes. “Sure? I’m not...too much?”

“No. Never. Do you feel that way?”

Donghyuck bites the inside of his cheek. “Sometimes.” _A lot of times_.

The hand in his hair cradles him now, just so. “You can tell me about it, if you want. If it’s too much, you don’t have too.”

He only smiles up at him. Jeno makes him want to tell him everything, if only he knew how to express how he felt. The human mind was weird that way, in that you can feel all these things and yet not have the words for them, even though the mind recognizes them.

“I just.” He takes in a deep breath, and he can smell Jeno’s fabric softener through how blocked his nose is from the tears. “I feel like I’m too loud. Too talkative. Too… I feel like people can’t handle me.”

Jeno’s eyes search his face for a long moment. “That doesn’t make you annoying. People love listening to you, your stories, all the stuff you have to say. You’re energetic, you go from one place to another without even taking a pause, you practically bound up with all the life in you. You’re passionate about a lot of things. You love doing those things and you have every right to be proud of what you do. You want to see change in the world, and you _will_ work to get to that. You have emotions and thoughts and doubts and dreams, like everyone else. If people can’t handle you, that’s on them, not on you.”

He’s not sure if he’s crying, but he’s sure that his throat feels like he is. Donghyuck thinks he can see his hand tremble just by the side of Jeno’s face. He’s not sure he can respond verbally, so he just nods again, doesn’t look away from him.

“Not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. Let them, because they don’t matter. What matters is those of us who love you, every bit of you. Your stories, your laugh, your energy, your emotions, your dreams. We don’t think you’re annoying, or too much, or any of that. We think you’re _everything_. That’s what you are to us, Hyuckie. Everything, and that’s never too much.”

There are thumbs wiping at his cheeks, so he can safely assume that he is, in fact, crying. He lets himself cry, let out these feelings that make him feel like he’ll splinter any time soon. Jeno holds him through it, all soothing hands and his steady presence.

Donghyuck doesn’t say anything more, because he doesn’t need to.

● ●

The first time Jeno said “I love you” to Donghyuck, they weren’t in the best of places for a confession.

It was finals month (a.k.a hell month), and nobody really had solid plans on sleeping. Mark had told them about this place where they could study all night, and had free-flowing coffee, as long as they brought their own mug. All of them were in.

Two hours into the study session where barely any of them talked other than to pass snacks, Chenle was already asleep beside Renjun. Somebody’s jacket had been draped over him, and they just let him sleep.

Donghyuck studies by typing out a reviewer from his notes, with the aid of whatever reading materials he got during the semester. It let him see where he missed out on a detail, or where he noted down a little extra info during the class. He would blast one song repeatedly for each subject so he can retain it better. For his History class, he chose _Supercut_ from the masterpiece that is Lorde’s _Melodrama_.

Halfway through typing out the beginning of the Spanish occupancy, Jeno, who had been sitting across from him, slid his mug towards him, refilled with coffee. Hyuck had mouthed a thank you, and Jeno only smiled at him.

At some point, Jaemin had slumped over the table, forehead down on his notes. Donghyuck gingerly poked at him with one end of his ballpen, taking out his own earphones.

His friend had grumbled in response. “Why do I have to study? We’ll all die someday anyways. If this test doesn’t kill me first.”

Hyuck had heard shuffling, and Jaemin’s small sound of pain. He hissed at the boy in front of him. It seemed like Renjun kicked him. “Your Philo I exam won’t kill you.” He threw the plastic bag with the half-gone loaf of bread at Jaemin. “Come on, we have to study for our major too.”

Scowling, Jaemin had stuffed an entire slice of bread into his mouth before straightening up and going back to reviewing. When Hyuck turned away, he saw that Jeno had been watching them too.

A message popped up on Donghyuck’s phone screen. He clicked on it, letting it redirect him to the messaging app. 

**[mr. perfect]** **  
** **They’re like a married couple sometimes…**

Hiding his snickering, Donghyuck had texted a reply.

 **[duck duck duck]** **  
** **they would BE a married couple** **  
** **if they weren’t such idiots**

 **[mr. perfect]** **  
** **When will they learn huh**

 **[duck duck duck]** **  
** **hopefully soon bc i hate this** **  
** **why must they just pine over each other like this** **  
** **what does it Achieve**

He had tried to bite down the thought that he was doing something similar, because, well, it wasn’t about him.

 **[mr. perfect]** **  
** **Haha nothing**

 **[duck duck duck]** **  
****exactly!**

 **[mr. perfect]** **  
** **It’s just painful to watch** **  
** **They CLEARLY like each other** **  
** **What, should they just give up on it like that?** **  
** **Because one thinks the other doesn’t love him back?**

For a long moment, Donghyuck had just stared at his screen. His breath had caught in his throat, and his mind pretty much blanked out.

Did Jeno just…

No.

Before it could become awkward because Jeno had _definitely_ seen Hyuck read the message, he had stood up to get more coffee for himself. Hyuck had let himself breathe, then.

He couldn’t have meant that in that way. Why would he? They had been talking about their two friends, not at all them.

Chenle had woken up then, looking blearily around with parts of his hair sticking out. Donghyuck patted them down, then gently guiding his head back to the table. The younger boy really did not need to see any of the possible upcoming mess.

Jeno had returned not long after, sipping on his caffeine. He didn’t seem to mind that Hyuck hadn’t replied yet, just going back to reading a page of his huge textbook.

Taking a deep breath, Donghyuck had opened his messaging app again and typed a quick reply, just to get that out of the way.

 **[duck duck duck]** **  
** **idk they both need to Talk**

 **[mr. perfect]** **  
** **I agree**

Jeno didn’t follow that up with anything, which had been a relief. They both went back to their reviewing, the faint voices of Renjun and Jaemin debating on which subject they’d prioritize filling the silence.

It was nearing midnight when Chenle had woken up and downed a whole tumbler of coffee in one go, flipping through his workbook to get to the page he needs. At that point, Renjun was the one whose head was now on the table, and Jaemin rested his own head between Renjun’s shoulder blades.

Taking a break, Donghyuck did some stretches. He had been studying for around 4 hours at that point, and he deserved it.

As he did, he couldn’t help but look over at Jeno, his perfect nose practically in the book. He had been studying the tome the whole night, and Hyuck had no idea how much longer he was going to.

Donghyuck had been thinking about that day, when they were rained on and he was dripping all over the floor of Jeno’s dorm building lobby. The day he said what he had felt, and didn’t get the response he wanted, but the response he expected.

He didn’t want to think about it too much. After all, it didn’t change anything about them. They weren’t distant, or avoiding each other, or awkward, or anything like that. It was like it hadn’t happened in the first place.

But it did happen, and even though he couldn’t see a change, doesn’t mean there wasn’t one. He just didn’t know what it could be.

He didn’t want change. Not like that. Not when he had fallen into a routine with Jeno, had become synced like clockwork. It just wasn’t something he knew how to handle.

Donghyuck understood why Renjun and Jaemin just wouldn’t talk, those stubborn bastards. It wasn’t an easy thing, would probably never be. Not when he risked losing someone that’s become a part of him.

Because Lee Donghyuck has always had words, he’s always been good at them, and Lee Jeno has the ability to rob him of all of them. Donghyuck looks at him and it just feels like it should fall into place somehow, like how he can easily weave stories out of a singular idea. He feels like it should work, even though it doesn’t.

He looks at Jeno and he knows his words won’t be enough.

Truthfully though, he’d promised himself that he’ll let this go, for the sake of both of them. A deeper, stupider part of him wanted to hold onto hope, especially when Jeno smiles at him like he personally put the sun in the sky. He had known that he meant a lot to Jeno, but just not in that way. It’s a fact he had come to accept.

There’s a lot of facts about Jeno that he’s accepted. Lee Jeno is talented and ridiculously intelligent and unbelievably drop-dead gorgeous and everyone had a crush on him whether they admitted it or not. Lee Jeno is allergic to cats but he can and will pet every single one he sees, and he even has 3 back at home. Lee Jeno would rather study this course than the course he really wanted to get into, just because he knows this will be easiest for him and his family. Lee Jeno is a better man than most of them can hope to be. 

Lee Jeno is Lee Donghyuck’s best friend, and nothing more.

Hyuck had willed himself to go back to his reviewer, telling himself that his break was over. At that point, he still had to try to study at least one more subject before turning in for the night.

When his phone screen lit up with a message notification, he barely looked at the time. He had only stared at the words.

 **[mr. perfect]** **  
** **Do u wanna talk?** **  
** **Okay, I know, bad timing** **  
** **But I’m just** **  
** **Asking** **  
** **If u want to**

He had felt his heart hammer in his chest, and it was starting to get difficult to breathe in the studying area.

 **[duck duck duck]** **  
** **talk about what?**

 **[mr. perfect]** **  
** **You know** **  
** **The stuff we should talk about** **  
** **Like the other day…**

 **[duck duck duck]** **  
** **you can just forget about it** **  
** **sorry about that** **  
** **it was weird**

 **[mr. perfect]** **  
** **Hyuckie.**

He had looked up, then, straight at Jeno, who also looked up. Their eyes locked, and Donghyuck typed a response without even looking away.

 **[duck duck duck]** **  
** **yeah?**

 **[mr. perfect]** **  
** **I love you too, you know**

Donghyuck’s phone fell to the table with a loud clatter, and everyone nearby had turned to look at him. Not like he had anything in him to feel shame anymore. Renjun and Jaemin had stared at him, and Chenle only wordlessly handed his phone back to him.

 **[duck duck duck]** **  
** **what** **  
** **WHAT** **  
** **run that by me AGAIN**

 **[mr. perfect]** **  
** **Maybe we should talk outside, yeah?** **  
** **I don’t think this is the best place for this** **  
** **And texting you this feels weird**

Numbly, Donghyuck had nodded, then following Jeno out the door. Their friends had barely spared them a glance, either forcing themselves to focus so that they wouldn’t feel embarrassed, or they really were too into their studying at that moment. 

Hyuck had guessed it was the first.

Outside the building, it had been dark, only illuminated by a smattering of streetlights. Insects droned in the trees, and Donghyuck didn’t know how to breathe.

Jeno had kept a safe distance away, not wanting to crowd into his space too much. Hyuck had appreciated that greatly.

“I’m gonna do what you did and repeat myself,” Jeno had said, drawing out his words. He had sounded like he was out of breath, and Hyuck wondered if he was as nervous as he was. “I love you too, Hyuckie. This is not me joking or anything. I love you.”

The world was spinning and Hyuck needed to sit down. He had managed to plop down onto the edge of the sidewalk, looking up at his best friend illuminated in the shitty streetlamps.

“How–why’d you–Fuck.” He had gripped at his knees trying to ground himself. “Jeno, when did–”

Jeno had taken a deep breath, then. He sat down next to Donghyuck, still some distance away but close enough to reach out to.

“I just...I realized it one day. God, I don’t even remember what day it was. All I knew was that I saw you and I heard you say my name and I realized that I was in trouble.” He had laughed, bitterly. “I wish I knew what to do at the time. I wish I knew how to handle it. Because I sure as hell did not handle that well.”

Slowly, carefully, Donghyuck scooted over closer. “What did you do?”

Pressing his lips into a thin line, Jeno had fiddled with the bracelets on his wrists. “Stupid stuff. Trying to get with other people, kissing them, telling myself I should have never let myself fall in love with you. It just...never worked out.” His breath was shaky as he said that.

“But it’s hard, you know? Because how can you stop loving someone who you miss even though you see each other every single day? How can you stop loving someone when they make you want to actually live life, make you want to do more to actually be happy? How, when they hold you like nothing will ever be able to hurt you any more?”

Jeno’s eyes had been bright as the stars that night. Something in Hyuck’s chest collapsed at the sight. 

“How, when all this time, you only look for them? When something good happens, you look for them. When something bad happens, you look for them. When you feel like tearing your own heart out, you look for them. How?”

Donghyuck thought he saw tears in his eyes, but he couldn’t even get himself to reach out and wipe them away. He was frozen in place, gulping down air because apparently that’s all that he knew how to do.

“Hyuckie,” Jeno’s voice had wavered. It had sounded so close to breaking. “There’s no one else that I’d look for. No one else that makes me feel like sunlight can reach all those places I’ve locked away. No one else that has made me feel like I don’t have to run and hide anymore.”

Finally, Hyuck had at least been able to reach out and hold his hand, clutch it tightly in his. All he could do was listen.

Jeno had smiled at their linked hands. “There were so many things that I’d do to keep this. And I kept thinking that it wasn’t mine to keep, you know? How could I, Lee Jeno, keep something as beautiful as this?”

He was crying when he turned to face Donghyuck. On the verge of sobbing, but he still tried to give a smile. “And that day, when you said you loved me, I just didn’t want to believe it. I thought it was some sort of dream I’d wake up from and be tormented by. I didn’t want such a good thing to be taken away from me. But it’s real, it’s real.”

Hyuck had cupped his face with his other hand, swiping the tears away. “It is real,” he said, for the both of them. All of it had been real, that and this, and they had to believe it. “Me loving you is real.”

And when two tears rolled down Jeno’s cheeks, Hyuck kissed them away. God, he loved him so much. It felt like it would tear him to shreds, but the way that Jeno held his hand made sure that he wouldn’t break.

“I’m sorry,” Jeno choked out, hiccuping on his tears. “We’re both sleep-deprived and stressed and I have no idea if I’m making any sense anymore, but I would just want you to know. What I said is true, every day, every single minute. It’s true, all of it. And this is possibly the worst confession ever because we both have finals and we’re sitting on a damn sidewalk, but I just thought that you should know. That I love you, before, now, and onward.”

Donghyuck was crying too, making kisses on Jeno’s forehead, nose, and cheeks. He had pressed their foreheads together, holding him as close as possible.

“I love you too,” he had said, and it sounded like a prayer that Donghyuck hasn’t prayed in so long. “I loved you when you had all those superhero notebooks. I loved you when you stayed with me to wax the floors. I loved you when you went straight to us after a game. I loved you when you greeted me good morning every day we met. I loved you when you read every weird, self-indulgent thing I’ve ever written. I loved you when you cheered for me out of the blue at graduation. I loved you when you hugged me right before the college entrance exam and let me cry into your shoulder right after. I loved you when you got lost with me the first few times we rode the jeep inside the campus. I’ve loved you, always, and I’ll love you always, too.”

They had hugged then, chests heaving with sobs as they did. That was the first time that Donghyuck felt their heartbeats sync, and it felt like a revelation. He knew then, that he could keep feeling that.

After a while, Jeno had pulled away, just enough to see Hyuck’s face. He had looked like a mess, and Hyuck had no doubt that he did too.

“How are we going to go back there looking like this?” he asked, laughing the best he could with his raw throat. “How do we explain this to the others?”

Donghyuck had only smiled, shaking his head. “We’ll think about once we’re there.”

Jeno had pouted, just a bit, but nodded. Soon, they were embracing again, no more tears, just their breaths and the feeling of Jeno’s damp cheeks pressed against Donghyuck’s skin.

● ●

**[MY mr. perfect]** **  
** **Morning baby** **  
** **Got u some sopas!** **  
** **Hopefully it’s still warm when u wake up** **  
** **Love u**

● ●

Surprisingly, the first one to greet Donghyuck when he wanders into Jeno’s org room is Renjun. Huang Renjun, who isn’t even in this org.

“Duckie?” Renjun is sinking in the old, slightly broken sofa, but he doesn’t seem to mind. In his lap is an open bag of sweet potato chips. “Why are you here?”

Donghyuck fixes him with a look, and Renjun starts laughing. “Okay, yeah, that same question should be asked of me too.” He pats the space beside him. Donghyuck goes around the coffee table to sit.

“You looking for Jeno?” The bag of chips is thrust in his direction, and he takes a good handful. “They went to the comfort room over at Econ. You know how shit the comfort rooms in this building is.”

Snorting, Hyuck munches down on a chip. “You’d think one of the biggest colleges with some of the most successful graduates can afford to make sure their toilets flush.”

Renjun pulls his legs up onto the sofa. “Apparently that’s not how the world works.”

The org room is a little stuffy, but after hanging out here about 3 times a week, it’s not so bad. They have working electric fans, and a seemingly endless supply of snacks stored in one of the cabinets (including the red velvet crinkles that both Jeno and Jaemin sneak to him), so he can survive here, no problem. Not to mention, nearly everyone here already knows him, so it’s not awkward to stay.

Renjun’s the same. He’s been hanging out here because of his eternally weird schedules, and he’s practically become a member too. The guy has even been to some of their meetings. Hyuck thinks they’ll be given honorary member certificates by the end of this year.

Looking over at his friend’s open iPad, he sees the beginnings of an illustration, in that style that Renjun uses almost exclusively for the publication he’s part of.

“Another cover?” he asks.

Nodding, Renjun pulls the iPad to his lap. He zooms it out so that the full illustration can be shown. “Gotta fix the colors still, but I can be done pretty soon.”

The way that Renjun draws has always been something that he’s admired. He can go from something dreamy and muted to clean, strong lines and striking colors. Renjun has had a talent for it for longer than Hyuck has known him, and he only seems to get better with time. 

“It’s beautiful, Junnie,” he tells him, giving him a genuine smile. “No one does it like you.”

His friend flusters under the compliment, and he scrunches his face to hide the little blush. “You’re just biased because I’m your friend.”

Hyuck pokes him at the side, where he knows he’s ticklish. “Just accept the praise.”

Giggling, Renjun concedes with a “Fine, fine.”

They chat about publication work and their deadlines while they wait for the two to come back. Donghyuck tells him about the new members they oriented, and how they’re all so shy whenever they’re in the office. Renjun laments about their dwindling layout team, and how he might have to do the layout for a whole issue because the rest of them also had other layouts to do.

It’s great like this, sitting down and just talking. Both of them have become increasingly busy, and with their buildings so far from each other, it was hard to actually find time to meet up and do what they used to do. He’s missed Renjun probably the most, with his expressions and his calm words and his occasional teasing. Now, he’s a little ray of light in the otherwise gray day.

Even though he told himself he wasn’t going to think of it much, he still thinks of what it’ll be like once they graduate. That won’t be for at least a year from now, though, but it’s still something that nags at the back of his mind.

How much would change, exactly? They’d all need to find jobs, and the chance of their jobs intersecting somehow was slim, but not impossible. Donghyuck might have to go back to Masbate. Renjun and Jaemin had a chance to work overseas. Jeno would probably stay in the metro, but maybe not for very long. Chenle might go home to Cebu and work there. Jisung would probably also be travelling. It would be hard to see all of them at once, to meet up and talk like they used to.

Would Jaemin go and open up a restaurant, like he’s so casually mentioned wanting? Would Chenle take over his family’s company, or would he go on to create a brand of his own? Would Renjun really take a year off, travel, and see where it took him? Would Jisung go and pursue dance? Would Jeno go through with an office job in one of those high-rise buildings they marvelled at? Would Donghyuck make it to a broadcasting station, and be able to help his hometown have more access to information?

Would any of them still meet again, and not just talk to each other through screens?

Would he still be able to hear them laugh, feel their embrace, poke at their cheeks?

Would they come back here, to their uni, and re-experience the things that are just daily occurrences to them?

He wonders about so much.

Looking over at Renjun, he realizes he hopes for so much too. He hopes Renjun does get to travel, discover all those new places and new food and new people. He hopes that more people will come to appreciate his friend’s art and his talent, and may it give him happiness. He hopes that Renjun will come back to this country, with a smile and skin freckled from the sun, and be able to decide where he wants to be and what he wants to do.

He hopes that Jaemin gets that restaurant, and that Hyuck would be able to visit it and get to watch him create magic in the kitchen. He hopes that Chenle gets to have his own brand, work on something he can actually call his own. He hopes that Jisung can go and pursue dance, that he can watch him perform on stage. He hopes that Jeno is happy, wherever he is and whatever he does.

Donghyuck doesn’t even know if they’ll actually march together, but he knows that even if they won’t, each step they take, the others are with them. It’s a comforting thought.

And he thinks, it’d be nice to march with Renjun and Jaemin, if he really can’t march with Jeno. It would be nice to have his friends there too, and hold their hands as they closed off a chapter of their lives together.

Jeno and Jaemin arrive after a while, with plastic bags that smell of pancit canton. Jeno’s eyes widen upon seeing Donghyuck on the couch.

“Hi. When did you get here?” he asks, taking out his paper bowl of noodles and twirling some on the plastic fork for his boyfriend. “I thought you had a class.”

Hyuck opens his mouth for the food. “Not that long ago. Decided I would skip, we aren’t doing anything for today anyways.”

Pouting at this, Jeno makes a bite of noodles for himself. “Okay. Are you gonna stay here the whole day? I’m gonna be in a few meetings, plus class.”

“It’s alright.” He slings an arm around Renjun’s shoulders. “I have Renjun.”

“I’m gonna go to class in two hours.”

“Correction: I have Renjun for now.”

Jeno chuckles, reaching out to squeeze Hyuck’s knee. “Okay. You can stay here as long as you want. Don’t scare the new members away, either.”

“What, me?” Donghyuck grins at him. “I’d never.”

His boyfriend squints at him in suspicion, and Donghyuck bursts out laughing. “Okay, okay, fine. It was _one_ time!”

From beside Renjun, Jaemin seems to want to say something, before a look from Renjun shuts him up. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t while I’m here,” Renjun tells Jeno.

“Thanks.” He offers another bite of food to Hyuck. “Do you have any org stuff later?”

Chewing on the noodles, Donghyuck thinks about it. “Just practice in concert chorus.”

Jaemin bounces up from where he was leaning against the back of the sofa. “Oh! When’s your next event?”

“Mid-October! But it’s not in the campus, kind of an exclusive event for this charity.” He rifles in his bag for the flyer. “I’ll try to get extra tickets if you want. It’s on a Sunday, by the way. Jeno’s coming.”

Renjun takes the flyer from him, scanning all the details quickly. “PICC? You’re going to perform at _the_ PICC?”

Shrugging, Donghyuck offers a smile. “Oops. Didn’t I tell you before?”

For a moment, Renjun and Jaemin just gape at him. “No, you didn’t.” Renjun hits him with the flyer. “ _Oops_.”

He’s laughing now. “Okay, sorry, I forgot! There’s so much stuff I have to think about, you know.”

Curling an arm around Renjun’s waist, Jaemin says, “Well, Hyuckie, you have to find those extra tickets soon, because I don’t think Junnie over here would be fine with not being there.”

“Of course not! I _refuse_ to miss it.”

Jeno huffs out a laugh. “Don’t worry, he’ll find them. Mark is gonna drive us all to there, too.”

This time, it’s Jaemin that exclaims. “Mark? As in, _our_ Mark?”

Nodding, Jeno finishes his food. “Yup. He’s got a bigger car and all. Said he wanted it to be a bonding moment for us.”

Renjun slaps Hyuck on the arm. “Are we the last to know? Oh my god, what else don’t we know? That you’re a candidate for EIC?”

“Well…”

Donghyuck was joking, but Renjun tackles him anyway.

He wishes it could last like this, or that at least he’d be able to experience it again, months, years from now. It was free to wish, after all.

● ●

In reality, he already has the tickets.

Donghyuck tucks them into yellow envelopes and puts a sunflower sticker on the flap. Their excited smiles are his favorite things.

● ●

“You’ll have a...what?”

“A-a sexy photoshoot.” Jeno offers a weak smile.

Renjun almost throws his iPad in shock. “A what?”

“It’s a sexy photoshoot. In a hotel,” Jaemin says simply, picking up a cheesestick from the little carton.

“Where?!”

Jaemin curls an arm around his boyfriend. “They got a room at this nearby hotel and then we’re going to do this sexy concept shoot for the posters of an event we have coming up,” he explains, already sounding like he was prepared for this. “Just org members and a camera and a big hotel bed.”

Raising an eyebrow, Hyuck says, “Jaem, that sounds like a porno.”

“It’s not! Well, okay, to be fair it does sound like that…”

“You can come along if you want,” Jeno says, pushing Hyuck’s long bangs out of his eyes. “It’ll just be us goofing around half of the time, I know.”

Donghyuck looks at him for a long moment, trying to read his face. “Are you alright with this whole...shoot?” he asks the both of them.

Jaemin nods enthusiastically. “Just some tastefully unbuttoned shirts and some messy sheets. Maybe a little smeared lipstick? I won’t be the shirtless one or anything.”

That statement hangs in the air for a moment, before they all turn simultaneously to look at Jeno. Raising his hands, Jeno has his eyes wide.

“I’m not shirtless either! I-I think.”

“Oh my god.” Renjun gapes at Jaemin. “Oh my god, Jaem.”

Squeezing his knee, Hyuck holds his boyfriend’s gaze. “Are you going to be okay with it?”

He knew Jeno wasn’t one to just openly show his body in a sexy way like that, not in a whole photoshoot that will be used as a poster that will be posted online for thousands to see. Jeno was confident about his own body, but he wasn’t particularly fond about showcasing it.

A warm hand comes to rest on his. “Yeah. I think it’ll be fun.” In his eyes is a bit of hope, and Hyuck knows that he’s sincere. “I do want you to be there, though, if that’s okay? I don’t want other people smearing...stuff onto me.”

Laughing, Hyuck makes a playful slap against his arm. “God, baby, don’t make it sound like a porno, please.”

● ●

Well. Donghyuck might just have seen this hotel room in one of the _videos_ he’s watched before. Great. It really might be a porn shooting place.

Renjun is perched on the desk, styling Jaemin’s gelled hair. Jaemin is looking up at him with absolute awe, like Renjun just put the sun in the sky by making him look like a mussed-up, just-banged version of himself. Hyuck supposes Jaemin always looks at Renjun like that.

In the makeup chair beside him is Jeno, who is currently sipping on an orange Slurpee. Hyuck did his makeup himself, highlighting the angles of his face and making his eyes look heavy-lidded, along with a flush that made him seem like he’s just been doing some unmentionable things just a few moments ago. His hair is tousled too, less wet-looking and more like he’s been rolling around in bed. The dark shirt on him looks great buttoned all the way up, but a good number of those buttons are coming undone soon.

On the queen-sized bed is another senior, a girl whose name Hyuck never really got. She’s in a silky top, which looks like water on her frame. She poses like an expert, although she breaks off into laughter every now and then when she realizes how ridiculous the whole thing is.

It does feel pretty relaxed, with 7-11 rice bowls everywhere and people laughing and talking as the shoot is going on. Somebody is playing a hoe anthem playlist over portable speakers, and Hyuck bops his head to the beat. Even though they’re pretty cramped in the hotel room, it’s not so bad.

If he were to be honest, he just was trying not to look at Jeno too much. He looked too good, and it was a crime in itself. God, he looked like he just made out with someone. Hyuck is trying not to have _thoughts_ with all these other people in the room.

He’s brought out of his thoughts when Jeno squeezes his hand. “You look more nervous than I am.”

Hyuck looks at him then, pushing down the urge to suck in a breath. “Well. I never thought I’d see the day that I would watch you have a sexy photoshoot. I don’t think I could have been prepared for that.”

Chuckling, Jeno presses kisses onto his knuckles. “It’s still me. Just...tousled and uh, a bit indecent in a few minutes..”

“Tell me about it.” Donghyuck twirls a lock of Jeno’s hair around a finger. “Sometimes I hate that you look this good. It’s not fair on my heart.”

With a smile, Jeno leans up to press a quick kiss to Hyuck’s mouth. His lipstick tastes like chocolate. “Glad to know I can still make your heart beat a little funny.”

 _Always, Lee Jeno,_ Hyuck thinks. _You always make my heart beat a little funny_.

Jaemin goes first, and he settles on the messy sheets naturally. Renjun looks like he’s about to go into a conniption beside Donghyuck.

Their resident makeup-artist-slash-stylist adjusts Jaemin’s shirt, popping the first couple of buttons and opening the collar a bit more. Leaning languidly against the sheets, with his throat exposed and his eyes closed, Jaemin looks like he was made to do this. Even Jeno lets out a low whistle at the sight.

The thing about Jaemin is that he’s normally this huggable, soothing presence, all sunshine and the scent of baking. And then, occasionally, he turns into _this_ , sin incarnate. Renjun is trying not to combust on the spot.

Halfway through, Jaemin looks past the camera right at his boyfriend, cocking his lips up into a smirk and even winking at him.

Renjun turns to Hyuck, grabbing at his sleeve calmly. “Duckie, stop me now or I swear I’ll wipe the smirk off his face.”

Donghyuck only laughs.

They do call Renjun over at some point, saying that Jaemin needs a little break and maybe a little inspiration. Jaemin’s face morphs from that devilish grin to his usual warm smile, his arms opening and his eyes lighting up at the sight of his boyfriend approaching. 

Pulling Renjun into his lap, Jaemin makes kissy faces, which Renjun pushes away. There’s no real force to it though, since Jaemin is able to sneak in a few smooches.

“I’m not kissing you here, Na,” he tells him, and Jaemin pouts like a child at him. 

“I will help you though,” Renjun says. One of Jaemin’s perfect brows shoots up in a question, and he tilts his head a bit to the side as his boyfriend leans in to whisper in his ear.

Judging by the growing smile on his face and his other brow raising as well, Donghyuck knows exactly what Renjun is doing.

Jaemin is even better once Renjun clambers off his lap and goes back to perching on the desk. Gently, Hyuck traces the pinking shell of his friend’s ear.

“I’m not even gonna say anything,” he tells him, feeling the heat under his fingertips.

Renjun’s voice is a little rough when he says, “That’ll be best.”

When it’s Jeno’s turn, Donghyuck _feels_ his heart drop. He must have made a face because Renjun’s hand is making soothing pats against his back.

Against the blank wall, Jeno positions himself according to the photographer’s directions. The lights are red and blue against his skin, his eyes darkening. The stylist comes over to gently ask him to unbutton, just a few at the top first. Jeno follows, and the way he does it seems like this sort of thing is second nature now.

Even from the side, Donghyuck can see how his boyfriend is staring straight into the camera in that way that is bound to make his knees weak. The photographer is hyping him on, along with a good handful of their members, and Jeno is trying his hardest not to smile at the praise.

When he’s asked to transfer to the bed, Hyuck considers praying. Just considers it, because he can’t really move himself. Renjun nudges him.

“You okay there?”

“Nope.” He huffs out a laugh, shaking his head. “I think you’re gonna need to revive me after this shoot.”

The girl from earlier is by the desk now, taking a steamed bun from the paper bag. “Hey there. Donghyuck, right?”

He nods. Her lipstick smears when she takes a bite, but she doesn’t seem to care about it. 

“What’s your course?” She plops down into one of the makeup chairs. “I’ve always seen you around, but I realize I haven’t talked to you much.”

“Communications Research,” he answers. “Sorry, I’m not much of a talker either whenever I go to wherever your org is.”

She exhales a laugh. “Ah, that’s why I don’t really see you around outside of the org. And that’s okay. I think you’re pretty cool, even though this is like, our only actual conversation.”

“Yeah?” He glances over to his boyfriend momentarily, watching as he’s directed into a different pose. “I don’t get that often.”

“You _are_ cool.” She finishes off the bun easily, reaching for a Coke next. “You don’t tolerate bullshit and you look like generally a great person to be with. I love that.”

Hyuck chuckles. “Ah, thank you. You saw the…”

The girl takes several gulps of her Coke. “Mmhmm. I’ve always liked you, but I liked you even more after that. All of us are grateful. Glad to be rid of a disgusting creep anyday.”

Nodding, Donghyuck looks at his hands, then straight ahead. He doesn’t say anything about how there might still be even more shitty people like that guy in this org, and in many other orgs, but he feels like she knows that too.

“Maybe you’re thinking that it’s not much,” she says, using the Coke bottle to gently nudge at his knee. “But you’ve made a change, and it’s going to help in making more changes. We can’t eradicate shitty behavior overnight, but that doesn’t mean that what you did isn’t a step in the right direction. At the very, very least, you’ve made someone immensely happy that you did it.”

He looks up at his boyfriend, who is looking at the shots so far and nodding along to what the photographer is saying. She’s right, and he’ll willingly do it every single day if he has to.

“Thank you,” he breathes out. The girl is smiling at him as she stands up.

“No prob. I need to get going, I have to check all the shots and start the photo processing. Hope I get to see you again soon, yeah? I wanna know how you made Jeno over there look like _that_.”

He laughs again, waving her a little goodbye. She goes out of the room, saying that she’ll just be in the adjacent one to edit.

Turning back to his boyfriend, he finds that the shirt is now untucked, a handful of buttons from the bottom undone. It’s all held together by a singular button at this point, which is, well, very dangerous.

Doesn’t help either that he’s sprawled out against the sheets now, his hair even more mussed up and his lips just ever so slightly apart. Hyuck is going to die in this hotel room.

Renjun elbows him in the ribs. “Rein it in, he has a lot more shots left.”

Jaemin appears next to them, his hair already washed free of the gel. His boyfriend tugs on the damp strands. “You holding up okay there, Hyuckie?” His smile is wide, his mouth a little red from wiping off the lipstick.

“Bold of you to assume I’m holding up at all.” He takes a long sip out of Jeno’s orange Slurpee.

Laughing, Jaemin takes a glance behind him to see how Jeno is doing. He hums, nodding in approval. “I see Jeno’s still the heartthrob, even all these years after high school.”

It makes Hyuck snort. True enough, almost everyone in the room is watching him, either in absolute awe or cheering him on. Hyuck is again reminded of Jeno’s...fanbase back in high school.

The photographer pauses to tell him something, and Donghyuck sees his eyes widen before he nods, saying “Oh yeah, sure, I can do that.”

When his hands hover over the last remaining button, Hyuck knows both his friends have turned to look straight at Hyuck.

And there, well, Jeno undoes the last button. Just great. Yup.

“Are you praying?" Jaemin asks him, a laugh edging his voice.

Donghyuck looks down at his hands, that have apparently clasped together at some point. “Oh, I don’t think praying is gonna save me from this,” he answers, monotonous.

He at least survives the rest of the shoot (somehow, by some miracle). Once it’s done, Jeno practically bounds over, tackling him into a hug that makes the desk hit the wall. Hyuck doesn’t know if he’s short of breath from the shoot or the impact, but he laughs breathlessly as he hugs his boyfriend.

“Did I do well?” Jeno asks, eyes bright. It’s a little ridiculous, how fast he can switch from the next candidate for a Men’s Health cover to something akin to an eager puppy. Hyuck threads his fingers through his hair fondly.

“You did amazing, honestly.” He watches as the smile grows on his face. “I don’t know if I can handle another shoot like this though.”

“Why?” The question is genuine, and Jeno slides his hand into his. 

Donghyuck fixes him with a look. Lets his eyes glance down for a moment while he makes sure that Jeno follows the motion.

The laugh that bubbles out of Jeno is downright mischievous. An arm loops around Hyuck’s waist, nearly lifting him off the desk. “Is that so?”

Renjun hits Hyuck on the arm with an empty Coke bottle. “Oh my god. Take the spare room. I can’t believe you said _we_ were disgusting when you do stuff like that in public.”

“Well, Junnie, we _can_ do that too if you want...”

As Renjun makes a face at his boyfriend, Donghyuck laughs, slinging an arm around Jeno’s neck. Jeno goes, letting himself be pressed against him. A kiss is pressed onto Donghyuck’s temple, and Donghyuck can feel the smile against his skin.

● ●

The thing about the human body is it can only take so many consecutive sleepless nights. 

He knows it too well. There’s only so many nights he can do it before inevitably becoming sick and having to stay in bed for a good portion of a week. Exhaustion and his apparent tendency to forget to eat all adds up to a very terrible headache and a very possible fever.

So when Jeno crumples to the floor the moment he steps into their dorm room, Donghyuck knows. And he understands, he does, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less of a bad thing.

On most things, Jeno would give in. He’d give in to an invite to go out. He’d give in to giving the rest of his food to a stray cat. He’d give in to let someone be in front of him in the line during enrollment. 

But he rarely gives in to his own tiredness, choosing to keep working, keep studying. There’s not much that Hyuck hates more.

Somehow, he manages to bring Jeno to the university health service. It took some effort, some calls, and a whole lot of worrying. Normally, the health service wasn’t the best of places, but they’re efficient as they check him over and attach him to a drip.

They tell Hyuck that it’s overexhaustion. He already knows this. Chewing on the inside of his cheek, he takes in a deep breath. _Dammit, Jeno, listen to me on this one thing_.

He stays there as long as they’d allow it, sitting awkwardly on the monobloc chair and staring at his boyfriend in the hospital bed. Jeno’s skin was pale, and his cheeks were a little hollow. Dark circles were under his eyes, and Donghyuck tries to think of the last time he remembered Jeno actually sleeping. Must be more than a week ago. He sighs.

Other than how much he hates that Jeno pushed himself, he hates that they were given that load of work that was unmanageable, and that they were pushed to this point. He hates that for them to pass, they have to work themselves to the bone, let themselves fall sick and sacrifice so much. Just for a damn passing grade.

Because no matter how many people say that grades don’t matter, it will not erase the fact that grades almost always guarantee a good job, a better shot at life. Opportunities were given to those that were excellent during their years in school. Add to that the fact that if you were richer, if you had access to more resources, if you had nothing more to worry about than your education, the better chance that you’d have higher grades. The world wasn’t fair that way, when has it ever been?

Undoubtedly, Jeno wasn’t the only one like this. How many were surviving purely on caffeine and whatever remains of their willpower? Donghyuck doesn’t want to know.

As testament to that, Donghyuck has to do homework while he’s at the health service. He didn’t even really bring anything with him but his wallet, phone, keys, and an umbrella, but that doesn’t mean that life stops. Life never stops, especially not for a college student in their 4th year. So he does the research for his homework on his phone, opening the tabs and typing on his Google Docs app. It would be subject to heavy editing, but that was for him to worry about later.

When they had arrived here, he had texted everyone, just so they knew. They were in their classes, he knew, and he was supposed to be in one in a few hours. The first one to reply is Chenle.

 **[baby angel]** **  
** **WHAT** **  
** **WHEN** **  
** **HOW** **  
** **SHOULD I COME THERE** **  
** **I’LL BE THERE IN 10 ONCE THIS CLASS ENDS I SWEAR**

 **[choco ball hyung]** **  
** **yeah, you can come here** **  
** **i’ll explain once you get here, okay?** **  
** **focus in class, lele**

Even though Chenle was obviously shocked at the news, the thought that he could have someone here with him to worry too was comforting. He didn’t want to look at Jeno’s passed out form too much.

Donghyuck has always thought of him as the stronger of the both of them, the one who just didn’t falter. But Jeno is human, and no human should be able to withstand the amount of stress and exhaustion he put himself under.

It just wasn’t right.

Chenle arrives pretty quickly, a flurry of blonde hair and his quick-moving limbs. A nurse stops him, asks him where he’s going, when he sees Hyuck by the door. He tries to explain, and he looks so worried that the nurse eventually lets him through.

“What–how–” he begins, but he can’t seem to find the right words. Donghyuck pulls a chair for him, asking him to sit down. He rubs a hand soothingly on Chenle’s back.

“He collapsed this morning,” he explains. “He hasn’t been sleeping much, and I don’t know how often he’s been eating or drinking or resting. He’s been so stressed about everything. It was just too much for his body to handle.”

The younger boy looks over at Jeno, asleep and looking too much like death. “God, didn’t we tell him that he should at least get some sleep in? We know he keeps pushing himself to the limit and he never complains but it’s going to break him–”

Pulling him into a hug, Donghyuck hopes that Chenle calms down. He understands the worry, the fear of what might happen. But this wasn’t going to help anyone, either.

“I know. I tried too, you know?” He sniffs, holding the boy closer. “But it’s hard. It’s hard to get to him sometimes. I hate seeing him like this too, and I want to do everything to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

Chenle slumps in his arms, his hands clutching the back of Hyuck’s shirt. “Okay, okay. I’ll...I’ll try too.”

When they pull apart, he can hear their deep inhales. They’re both trying to keep it together, he knows.

For a while, they only hold hands, and not say anything. A nurse comes in to check, makes sure the drip is okay and that Jeno wasn’t getting a fever. A bucket was placed nearby, and Donghyuck knew that it was for the possibility that Jeno throw up from hyperacidity.

He doesn’t know how to deal if this is something he’s going to keep seeing for the rest of the school year. Seeing Jeno like this, weakened and a shell of who he is, it was a bit much. He wishes he could take it away somehow, make sure Jeno would never be tired like this again, impossible as it may be.

At 2 in the afternoon, he really has to go. Donghyuck would stay if he could, but he can’t miss his class. Jeno wouldn’t want that, either.

Chenle volunteers to stay, already texting Jisung if he can stay after him. The younger boy promises to report to him if anything happens, and Hyuck trusts him with that.

Before he leaves, he goes over to the hospital bed, presses his fingers to Jeno’s forehead. He breathes in, and wishes for him to be okay.

● ●

Thankfully, he doesn’t have to stay at the health service for too long, but he still needs a lot of rest. Donghyuck has straight up forbidden him from working until he’s fully recovered, and thankfully, Jeno is too sick to really complain.

He brings him porridge and bread before he has to leave for class, and always leaves a glass and a pitcher of water on the bedside table. He’s set the alarms for the medicine, and he hopes that Jeno takes them even when he’s gone.

By the third night, Jeno seems so much better, but Donghyuck doesn’t let him get near his laptop yet. He pulls a pouting Jeno into his lap, and lulls him to sleep. It was better to keep him like that, until he was really better.

On the fourth night, Jeno’s head is pillowed in Donghyuck’s lap, and he’s drifting in and out of sleep. Hyuck thinks it may be the medication, or just all his exhaustion catching up to him.

“Why’s my name in your phone like that?” he muses, reaching a hand out to touch Hyuck’s cheek. “Mr. Perfect. Why?”

Donghyuck smiles at him, gently massaging his temples with his thumbs. “You’re not gonna remember if I tell you now.”

“That’s okay. I’ll ask again.”

Taking Jeno’s hand, he presses his lips to the pads of his fingers. “When I met you, I just thought you were perfect.”

Jeno chuckles, eyes closing. “That’s so cheesy, Hyuckie.”

“It’s true though.” He kisses Jeno’s knuckles. “I looked at you and I thought, ‘That’s one perfect guy.’”

“Why’s that?”

He sighs. Jeno’s eyes are open now, shining in the faint lamplight. “You were just so... gentle? Like nothing you touched could ever break.” He shakes his head. “You had gentle good mornings. Gentle lines on oslo paper. Gentle smiles. You moved like no human I’ve ever seen before.”

Jeno’s full on looking at him, and even in his sleepy, medicine-laden haze, he seems to be trying to read Donghyuck’s face.

“And when you talked, it’s like you just couldn’t say anything wrong. Like your words were so careful, so mindful. I was willing to hear you talk for hours at a time, and it didn’t even matter about what.”

Poking at Donghyuck’s cheek, Jeno says, “You were already in love with me then?”

Hyuck laughs. “Maybe. Maybe I just didn’t know. Looking back, I might have been.”

“That’s cute, Hyuckie.”

He grins at him, taking in a deep breath. “And then you did everything so well. Best in all the subjects. First honor, through and through. Varsity, and then everyone’s favorite dancer. You were everything.”

Jeno brings down their hands, repeating Donghyuck’s motions. “I’m not perfect, Hyuckie.”

That’s when Hyuck kisses him, just on the forehead. “I know. I came to learn that. And I loved you even more.”

His boyfriend smiles at that, eyes fluttering closed. “I want to kiss you, but moving hurts.”

Donghyuck laughs again, smoothing hair off of Jeno’s forehead. “Get better, and I promise you can have all the kisses.”

That seems to appease him, and Jeno nods. He’s asleep soon after.

● ●

**[MY mr. perfect]** **  
** **Okay don’t kill me for texting you when i should be resting** **  
** **Good morning baby** **  
** **Quote of the day: “My soul’s too lit to give a shit.”** **  
** **Wow that’s so inspirational i teared up a bit there** **  
** **Love u have fun over at the Huang-Na residence!** **  
** **(pls ask jaemin if he can make soup for me ;_;)**

● ●

“Hm. Maybe a little to the left?”

Jaemin moves the fabric pompom a centimeter.

“That’s great!”

They’re in the Huang-Na dorm room, doing a trial of the setup that they’re going to present. It’s apparently for a kiddie party, and they’re trying to make it look as cute and appealing to the kids as possible.

Donghyuck is on the cold tile floor (they never really got a rug, and he wonders why), cutting out the paper triangles for the banner. He’s already gone through one pack of the patterned paper, and he still has two more packs to go.

He feels a little guilty about leaving Jeno at the dorm when he doesn’t have classes, but Jeno had insisted that he would be fine. Jeno even promised not to go near his laptop and books, and that was enough of a consolation. Besides, Hyuck can come back anytime, and with luck, maybe even bring food to him.

Renjun takes out the tablecloths they had done, and a box of pins. They had been able to get a small table from the lobby to practice on, and they had been saying their thanks to their dorm manager over and over. It wasn’t going to be to scale to the tables they’ll actually use, but it would do for now.

The two have a discussion on how to pin the cloth in a way that was fitting for the theme, and it’s a little hard to follow. There’s some trials, some frustrated noises, and then eventually, both of them plopping down onto the floor to look through Pinterest.

Truthfully, he thinks the two make a pretty good team, as both a couple and as possible business partners. Renjun has loads of ideas, and Jaemin is willing to go along, making suggestions to better it. They tried and tried until they got it right, and they calmly resolved problems. As calm as it could be, with Renjun throwing the tablecloth straight at Jaemin’s face at some point. Not too bad, really.

When Hyuck arrived, they had already started to assemble the photo backdrop. It was a huge wooden board painted white, decorated with pompoms and paper flowers and foil stars. It looked dreamy, even when only half of it was done when he had come to their dorm.

Not having balloons proved to be challenging, as they tried to make something that appealed to kids AND screamed kiddie party while not using them. They were even going to try to make a version of the foil letter balloons with something else, but what, they weren’t entirely sure yet.

Donghyuck volunteered to help because 1. He loves crafting and 2. He loves Renjun and Jaemin. So now, even with his fingers starting to cramp because of all the cutting he has to do, he doesn’t mind it. It’s also quite fascinating to watch them work to create this party setup with what they have. He’s never seen this sort of thing before the party proper, and he didn’t think that the process included so much planning and just trying stuff out until it looked good.

By the time he’s starting on his third pack of paper, they seem to have decided on something, gathering up their sketches and going back to the table. They start to work on it, their movements looking more sure than they were just a while ago. That’s good to see.

Across from Hyuck is a printout of their menu options. They had 4 possible menus, and they were going to pick the most doable, and best combination that was both a twist from the usual kiddie parties, and familiar enough to bring nostalgia. Donghyuck didn’t know that their classes were quite this creative.

After some more trials, the pair seem to have gotten the table down. They call over Hyuck to ask his opinion, and Hyuck is, frankly, amazed. 

A white tablecloth is their base, layered with a pretty pale pink one. Over the pink one is blue and pink tulle, bunched up in an artistic way and showing peeks of gold ribbons and stars underneath. It’s as dreamy as their backdrop, and a perfect complement to it.

When he gives them his sign of approval, they both look pleased, then taking photos of the setup so they can replicate it on the day.

Jaemin comes over to help with the banners, while Renjun wants to start on the letters.

While he secures the triangles of paper onto the string, he asks, “How is he?”

Hyuck is measuring another length of string for the next batch of triangles. “He’s pretty okay now, but I told him to keep resting.”

Huffing, Jaemin says, “He deserves the rest.”

“He sure does.”

A socked foot nudges at Donghyuck’s knee. “Are you getting rest, too? I don’t want you to be the next one to end up at the health service.”

He nudges him back with his own foot. “I am. I promise. I’ve been getting more sleep now, actually, because getting Jeno to sleep and eat often means I sleep and eat too.”

Jaemin’s smile is small, but warm. “That’s good.”

They work to Renjun’s playlist of High School Musical songs interspersed with indie bands. Jaemin and Hyuck finish the banners, and even the silver and gold star garlands, so Jaemin decides to flop down on the floor as his break. Renjun is frowning over his drawings of the second batch of letters, and he keeps erasing at them. Hyuck digs in their stash of snacks for something to eat, finding a bag of fish chips somewhere in there.

He opens it and gives one to Renjun, who’s still engrossed in his work. “Is it really just the two of you working on this?”

His friend hums to Sharpay Evans’ _Fabulous_. “You know how it is.” Renjun straightens up to stretch his back. 

Donghyuck does know how it is. He picks up the letters that Renjun has already drawn, waving them to ask if he can cut them. His friend nods.

“Hey. Thank you for being our best groupmate ever,” Renjun tells him, momentarily glancing up from his work.

Hyuck snorts. “No prob, Junnie.”

“I can get you fried chicken later, I promise.”

“No need,” he says. He gets his scissors, and starts to cut the cardboard. “On second thought though, can I ask for soup?”

● ●

Prom had surprisingly been one of the most stressful events of Donghyuck’s high school life.

He was on the events committee (courtesy of his adviser), which meant that he would call suppliers and caterers and arrange for the venue to be reserved. It was quite a lot of work thrust unto him, and he had no idea how to do most of it at first.

The rest of the committee (Jeno and Renjun, with Jaemin, Chenle, and Jisung volunteering) had to plan the decor, how the tables would be arranged, the photobooth, and the program. At times like that, Donghyuck really wished they hadn’t been active in all that extracurricular work that resulted in them being viewed as responsible and perfectly capable of planning a whole event themselves.

During the two-month period they were given, they had spent several sleepless, stressed nights contacting suppliers and caterers, planning out the decor they’d do with the budget they were graced with, and just agonizing over the program script. None of them had done that before, but they had to do their absolute best at it. People were expecting a good prom.

So they worked together after their classes, planning out everything and making sure that it all abided by the limitations the school set. No alcoholic drinks, no overly suggestive songs, a nice, simple theme, and a good program. It was hard to keep all their plans a secret, only releasing the invite with all the details once they were absolutely sure about everything.

The only advantage was that they knew the theme, so they could prepare for it before anyone else. That had meant shopping for suits was so much easier.

So, Donghyuck and Jeno had gone to Divisoria, a huge assorted goods market, to get some of the stuff for the decor and also look for suits. Jeno’s mom had driven them there, excited to get to talk to Hyuck a bit more, after years of him and Jeno being best friends.

The market had been as cramped and weirdly damp as Hyuck remembered from his trips with his relatives. Mrs. Lee had taken them to the clothing area first, saying that it would be best if they weren’t lugging around too much when they had to go for fitting and all that.

The formal clothing area took up quite a large portion of the place, with its dizzying amount of stalls and all the silky fabric and sequins glimmering in the light. Everywhere they looked, they would be met by more gowns and suits and barongs and dresses, and it just seemed to stretch endlessly.

Jeno’s mom was quite enthusiastic. She had taken them to every possible store, trying every suit that fit the color scheme. Most of them weren’t tailored for either of their measurements, but that was remedied by the salesperson making a few pinches here and there.

She had wanted them to match somehow, saying that she had always wanted another boy to match with her son. Donghyuck guessed that she meant that she wanted a brother for Jeno, but it didn’t really happen.

The color scheme was blue, gold, silver, cream, and purple. When Jeno was in a sleek navy suit with silver accents, Donghyuck would be put in a gray one with blue accents. When Jeno was in a deep, gorgeous purple, she’d make Donghyuck try the exact same one in navy. It was the system that she had somehow established during that shopping trip.

It had taken several rounds, and trying suits on from every single place until they had to circle back and try more from the ones they had already gone to. At some point, Jeno had just slumped into one of the stools, Donghyuck plopping down on the floor, and yet Mrs. Lee seemed as alive as ever.

At the last one, the biggest stall of them all with an actual curtained-off dressing room, Jeno’s mom had smoothed the fabric over the shoulders of her son. 

“You’re so handsome,” she had told him, beaming. “My baby’s all grown up now, huh? I can’t believe you’re gonna graduate soon.”

Jeno had pursed his lips, squirming under the attention. “Mom, not here.”

She tutted, turning him around so he can face the mirror. A sigh had left her mouth, her eyes turning glassy as she looked at their reflections. “You look just like your dad.”

Donghyuck had tried not to stare at his best friend, then. He was in a dark blue suit that actually fit him, and something like little stars decorated the jacket of it. Underneath was a white shirt, not quite pressed, but a nice contrast to the blue. Even without a bowtie, it had looked great on him, and it wasn’t difficult to imagine him in it on the day itself, with his hair pushed back and his stance confident. God, he would look devastating, and Hyuck didn’t know if he could handle it.

By the time they were done with all their shopping, both Donghyuck and Jeno didn’t know if they could get out of bed the next day from exhaustion. Mrs. Lee got them toasted siopao for strength, patting their heads gently as they walked back to the car.

After they were buckled in, she had started the car, letting the engine roar gently to life. She looked into the mirror, straight at where Jeno was sitting right behind her in the backseat.

“Do you know who you’re gonna dance with, honey?” she had asked sweetly, backing out slowly into the street.

Jeno had hummed thinking. “Oh you know. Hyuckie, Jaem, Junnie. The usual.”

“Dance with girls too, okay? Don’t want people thinking ridiculous things.”

It was then that both the boys fell silent. Donghyuck had clutched at the handle by his side, and he didn’t know what to say. Jeno had paled then, mouth opening and closing like a fish.

“What-what do you mean, mom?”

“Oh you know,” she had answered so casually. She was already steering the car into the right position. “As long as they’re just your friends right? Jaemin and Junnie and all that. Nothing more, yeah? People might talk, you know.”

“Talk about...what?”

“Rumors.” Hyuck had seen her furrow her brows. “We don’t want rumors, right, baby?”

Jeno hadn’t said anything more after that, didn’t look like he wanted to. He had only pressed his mouth into a thin line, nodding as he leaned back in his seat.

It was the first time Donghyuck’s heart broke for him.

● ●

The Pride March at their uni is one of Hyuck’s favorite events of the year.

He goes to class with his favorite Pride shirt tucked into high waisted shorts that show off his legs (toned from four years walking from one building to another, thank you very much), his rainbow striped socks peeking out of his white sneakers. His classmates compliment him, and his grin is wide as he goes up to the front for a group presentation.

Although not quite as big or grand as the pride parade in the metro, the university Pride March still held its own. The colors, the energy, the sheer comfort in marching with all these people, it wasn’t like anything else. Hyuck hasn’t missed it in the 4 years he’s been in college.

There were also booths that have been up the last two weeks, just that Hyuck hasn’t had enough free time to go to them yet. Later, he promises himself. He can visit them later.

Ryujin, who’s in one of the classes for his major, bounds up to her seat beside him. She opens her denim jacket to show him what looks like a hand-painted drawing of two girls kissing on her shirt.

“Like it?” The smile on her face is infectious, sunny despite how gray it’s looking outside. “Lia painted it for me.”

“That’s so good? Wow.” Hyuck looks at the nice lines, and the beautiful blend of pinks and oranges and yellows used. “You’ve got a really talented girlfriend.”

“I know.” Ryujin’s grin never leaves. “It’s our first Pride March later. First together, I mean. We’re kinda nervous, but lots excited!”

Reaching over, he squeezes her shoulder. “Hey, I’m so happy for you! I’ll be there later, you can come find me anytime, okay?”

She nods, her newly dyed blue hair bouncing with the motion. Ryujin reaches into her bag, pulling her notebook binder out. Turning it to face Hyuck, she shows him the new stickers on them.

“She made these too,” she says, pointing at them. They’re glittery and colorful, hearts and flags and rainbow arches. One of them is even says “Pride is a Protest” right in the middle of Ryujin’s binder. “They have a booth over at the Fine Arts building, if you wanna go.” Her eyes widen just a bit.

“I’ll go.” He smiles at her. “I’ll bring my friends! They love stickers.” Renjun and Chenle were sure to buy at least a set, and Hyuck can get a few stickers for Jisung, too.

The younger girl’s grin turns pleased, and she places her binder on her desk, running her fingers over the stickers in appreciation. There’s a glow to her, and he knows that she is genuinely, truly happy.

It’s so nice to see it with all these people today. Hyuck thinks that nothing can quite compare.

● ●

“Chenle, how many have you bought already?”

The younger boy’s face blanks as he thinks about it. “Dunno. Just been to like 3 booths, and I didn’t really count.”

Renjun waves him over to where they’re plopped down in the lobby of the building. On the floor are Renjun’s purchases so far, which are two packs of stickers from Lia, several postcard-sized prints, and a tiny button pin with a rainbow on it. Donghyuck has gotten a variety of stickers as well, and a keychain to put on his bag. Chenle sits down with them, taking out the envelopes and little plastic baggies of his purchases. He’s clearly bought a lot more, but Chenle just really gets excited at art fairs.

The College of Fine Arts is buzzing with people, visiting the booths and talking with friends. Hyuck is trying his hardest not to look at that pretty holo jacket from one of the booths.

“I’ve gotten 15 items so far,” Chenle announces. He picks one of the prints up, marvelling at the gold foil shining in the sunlight. “I’m gonna put this up by my desk.”

Both his friends are already dressed and ready for the parade later, too. Renjun has his shirt with all the hex codes for the colors of the rainbow on (because of course, how else would Huang Renjun do a Pride shirt), a rainbow heart he’s painted himself on the back of his denim jacket, his now honey-blonde hair styled pretty well. Chenle is in all-black, as he usually is, with the holographic foil on the front of his shirt spelling out “LOVE”. His hair is freshly dyed a pastel rainbow, the testament to how recent he just dyed it is his orange and blue ears, and the green on his fingertips.

While placing the pin he bought onto his tote bag, Renjun asks them, “Will you guys go to the HIV testing booth later? Jaem and I are going.”

Oh yeah. Hyuck has forgotten that they had a booth like that. He’d been meaning to go the previous year, but was too swept up in a prior engagement that he had to skip out on it. Actually, he realizes, he hasn’t been tested at all.

Chenle makes a small shrug. “I could, after my last class maybe. No harm in it.”

Taking his phone out of his bag, Hyuck sends a quick text. “I’ll go, too. It’s one of those quick ones, right?”

Renjun nods. “Mmhmm. We can go eat while we wait.”

“How is it?” Donghyuck asks, fiddling with his new keychain. 

His friend shrugs, putting his prints into a file case. “You barely feel it. Just a little prick. It’s nothing scary, trust me.”

Both Donghyuck and Chenle nod. “How often do I need to get tested?”

Pursing his lips, Renjun thinks about it. “I dunno. I mean, once a year is fine I guess, if you just have one partner. Maybe a bit more often if you have more partners, or if your partner has it or may have it. Just to be safe. Knowing is better than pretending it won’t happen to you.”

Hyuck smiles at him. Renjun was always the one with comforting life advice, combined with his surprising amount of knowledge on medical stuff and food stuff. He trusts Renjun with his life.

While Renjun and Chenle fall into conversation about that one accounting class they both hate, Donghyuck’s phone vibrates with a message.

 **[MY mr. perfect]** **  
** **Later? Oh yeah, I can come there** **  
** **Just text me where I should go**

● ●

The test really did feel like nothing. It was over quicker than Hyuck could even feel his blood coming out of the tiny prick on his finger, then a cotton ball was put over it along with tape.

It’s Chenle’s turn when Jeno arrives, panting a little from his jog from his college building. Jaemin waves him over, pulling him into a one-armed embrace once he’s close enough.

“Just in time, Jen!” Jaemin tells him, nudging him towards the line. “Once you’re done, we can all have lunch.”

There are a few people after Chenle, so Jeno falls in line. Donghyuck holds his hand the entire way, squeezing a little.

“Nervous?” he asks, searching Jeno’s face. His boyfriend offers a small smile.

“Yeah, a bit.” He looks straight ahead, at a point that Hyuck cannot see. “I mean, I know I shouldn’t be scared or anything, but I’m just...yeah.”

Donghyuck nods, then swiping his thumb over the back of Jeno’s hand. “It’s okay to feel that way. But I just want you to know, I’m here. We’re all here, and it’ll be okay. None of us are leaving, no matter what.”

Jeno’s smile widens.

Once he’s done, they all walk to the Zoology building to get lunch. Even though he’s still holding onto Hyuck, it’s like Jeno’s step is lighter somehow. 

● ●

All of them tested negative. 

Donghyuck relishes in the tight embrace that holds him, and the smile against his shoulder.

● ●

A fabric rainbow is across Quezon Hall’s facade, bright even with the impending rain. Donghyuck feels his heart swell at the sight.

They’re sitting on the huge steps, waiting for more people to come. Eunsoo has given all the members of their publication (plus all of Hyuck’s friends) printouts of calls to hold up during the march. Hyuck has gotten the “Resist Together” one. 

Beside him, Renjun is helping Jaemin put a temporary tattoo on his wrist. Jeno has one too, a heart on his cheek. In front of them, before the steps, Chenle is using safety pins to secure Jisung’s flag of pink, yellow, and blue.

There are cameras everywhere, either from campus pubs or people taking photos of their friends against the rainbow backdrop. Everyone seems genuinely happy to be here, like the burden of whatever they had to go through during the week melted away with their friends here, about to march with them. 

Songs are playing on a speaker somewhere, and almost everyone joins in on the singing. It reverberates through them, the words filling the air with love.

 _Kay tagal ko nang nag-iisa_ _  
_ _And'yan ka lang pala_

Ryujin finds Hyuck in the growing crowd. She has the colors of the lesbian flag painted on a cheek, and her girlfriend has a matching set. Her smile alone could probably chase away the rain clouds, and when she hugs Hyuck, she’s as warm as sunlight.

It’s her first Pride March in the uni together with her girlfriend, and Donghyuck doesn’t hesitate holding Ryujin’s hand when they start to march. He’s so proud of her that it feels like it’s spilling out of his heart to color the sidewalks all the colors. Jeno is right beside him, flag fluttering behind him and holding an umbrella over his head.

 _Mahiwaga_ _  
_ _Pipiliin ka sa araw-araw_ _  
_ _Mahiwaga_ _  
_ _Ang nadarama sa 'yo'y malinaw_

It does rain, but they march on. Ryujin and Lia go ahead, squeezing under a bright pink umbrella too small for the both of them. Renjun is now carried on Jaemin’s back, his laughter ringing as he tries to hold the umbrella steady in one hand and wave a little flag with the other. Somewhere to the side, Jisung and Chenle are jumping in the puddles like a flurry of colors together.

 _Higit pa sa ligaya_ _  
_ _Hatid sa damdamin_ _  
_ _Lahat naunawaan_ _  
_ _Sa lalim ng tingin_

And Jeno. Jeno’s arm is around Hyuck’s shoulders, holding him close as he and the other members of their publication chant the calls together in harmony. They smile for their resident photographers, and even slightly drenched, Donghyuck can see that all of them are glowing.

His boyfriend never leaves his side, a steady, warm presence. Hyuck looks up at him, looks at the boy he loves with everything he has, and he knows that the world may not always be the safest place, but he’s safe here.

 _Mahiwaga_ _  
_ _Pipiliin ka sa araw-araw_ _  
_ _Mahiwaga_ _  
_ _Ang nadarama sa 'yo'y malinaw_

● ●

When Jeno kisses him, glitter and rain and all, Hyuck almost feels his knees buckle. It’s a good thing that Jeno’s hold on him keeps him up, pressing him closer until Jeno’s heartbeat feels like his own. He breathes him in, the scent of makeup and storms and Jeno. God, he wants to inhale him like oxygen.

They somehow find their way to a bed, but which one, Hyuck isn’t sure. It doesn’t matter though, when Jeno’s strong hands are on his waist, warm even through the university jacket on him. Looping his arms around him, Hyuck pulls him in closer, almost making Jeno crash against him. For a moment, his boyfriend pulls away, laughter bubbling out of him.

Even in the dark, stormy night, Hyuck can see his face, that stupidly gorgeous face. Hyuck’s glitter gloss is smeared across his mouth, and his now-long hair is mussed up. With what little light they have streaming into the room, the holographic letters spelling out _Love is Love is Love_ on his shirt shine. 

Fuck. Donghyuck is so, so in love with him. 

He sits up, kissing his still-giggling boyfriend. He can feel the smile against his mouth. Slowly, he runs his hands up and down the strong arms, the arms he’s always known, his mind distantly registering the hand where Jeno was pricked for the test earlier. He holds onto that hand tightly.

Hyuck loves him so much.

When they break the kiss again, Jeno is still smiling. Hyuck can’t resist smiling himself.

Jeno kisses the corners of his mouth. “Happy Pride, Hyuckie.”

Donghyuck draws him in closer, tasting the peach of his gloss on Jeno’s tongue. He feels like his heart will beat out of his chest any moment now. It’s louder than the rain that beats down outside, filling Hyuck’s ears and mind.

Jeno catches him, even when he isn’t aware that he was in any way falling. That’s the thing. Jeno always catches him.

 _Happy Pride, mahal_.

● ●

**[injunnie baby]** **  
** **you better be decent in 20 mins** **  
** **jaem and i are coming there with food**

Rubbing at his eyes, Donghyuck stares at the text message. He groans, loud enough to make Jeno shift in his sleep.

He sits up, scrunching his face. It’s already nearing 11, so he can’t really say it’s too early for the two to come barging in. The sunlight streaming through their lone window is too bright and hot, so he gets up to close the curtains.

Sitting back on his bed, he winces at how it groans under his weight. Jeno moves again, flopping over on his back. His features are askew, obviously not pleased at the disturbance.

“Hey,” Hyuck says, tracing a finger over his boyfriend’s collarbones. “Renjun and Jaemin are gonna be here soon.”

Something like a cry comes out of Jeno’s throat. “It’s so early,” he whines. He covers his eyes with a hand, even though there isn’t much light in their room right now.

“Baby, it’s almost 11.” Even as he says it, though, Hyuck’s tempted to just flop back down on the bed and sleep the rest of the day. “We need to get up.”

Groaning, Jeno raises an arm, wordlessly telling Donghyuck to come closer. He complies, letting himself be pulled close. Sleepy kisses are placed on his forehead and mouth.

“Fine, but we’re shooing them away by 4.”

Hyuck laughs, and kisses him again.

● ●

He doesn’t even have to look for his friends in the crowd after his performance. Renjun and Chenle are jumping, waving bouquets for him and yelling his name. Any other circumstance, he might have been a tad bit embarrassed, but he’s far too happy now.

Reaching them, he’s nearly tackled to the ground with the force of their hugs. He’s not even sure who reached him first, just that now, they are this big human bundle of giggles and hugs in the middle of the convention center.

When they pull away, the last one to peel off of him, the first one that got to him apparently, is Chenle. He ruffles his hair, laughs as the younger boy rambles on about his performance.

“Holy shit, you were so good? I got actual goosebumps watching you, what the hell!”

Donghyuck hugs him back. “Thank you, Lele. Now, stop it before I start blushing here in front of all the others.”

Once Chenle steps away from him, he’s swept into another hug by none other than Huang Renjun. He hears the plastic wrapping of the bouquet crinkle by his ear.

“Don’t forget about us when you have sold-out concerts in Europe and the States, okay? We’ll never be able to afford your tickets soon, I bet.”

He playfully slaps at Renjun’s arm. “Oh, shut up. You know I’d give you front-row seats at every show.”

It takes quite a while for the rest of them to hug him one by one, telling him praise or just embracing him until his ribs hurt. The last one is Jeno, holding the biggest bouquet out of the three bouquets. He curls his free arm around Donghyuck, pressing a kiss onto his forehead and whispering a simple, “I’m so proud of you.”

They get their pictures taken by some of Donghyuck’s chorus friends, using pretty much all the phones plus Jaemin’s cameras. They go through a whole pack of polaroid film, and Donghyuck gets to keep all of them. By the time they finish, Donghyuck is a little winded, but his friends seem ready for more.

All of them get to eat at a nearby restaurant, a treat by one of the seniors in the chorus. Donghyuck’s table is full of excited chatter and cooing over the photos, Jisung showing him the videos he took of the performance and Mark talking about how he was worried that they wouldn’t get to the venue in time because his car was acting up.

Later, squeezed between Jeno and a sleeping Renjun, each of them with a bouquet in their laps, Hyuck rests his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder, watching as the lights of the city blur when they pass by. Jeno is humming to the song playing on the radio, his fingers circling the wrist with its _barong_ cuff.

It feels like home, in this SUV with the new car smell and the snores of his friends, his hand warm in Jeno’s own.

● ●

They’re both too busy to go home for _Undas_. It’s a yearly event wherein families pay respect to those who have passed, and it’s often a time for people to gather together and pray over their loved ones.

Upon calling their families, they’ve confirmed that there wasn’t a big gathering happening anyways, and they were allowed not to come home. Most people had already left for the three-day break, but Donghyuck and Jeno remain at their dorm.

It’s not so bad, having the uni practically to themselves. Everything was just quieter, so much more peaceful, and it was a nice change. Add to that the treat of being able to sleep in and just laze around, while everyone else was far away.

Admittedly, though, Donghyuck misses the sea by his house. Often, his family would go swimming before they had to all go back to school and work. It was a tradition, and missing out on it this year feels quite strange.

Instead, he swims in the sheets of his bed, too lazy to get up when they feel so cool. The -ber months were coming in nicely, with a smattering of rain and the drop in the temperature. Snuggle weather for many people. Anime marathon amongst the blankets for him and Jeno.

Apparently, staying back means that Hyuck can feel Jeno’s cold feet press against his leg and he then can be allowed to shove him off the bed the whole day. Life’s great.

Somehow, they survive on convenience store food and copious amounts of taho. When Donghyuck chews on his fried siomai over his rice soaked with soy sauce, he thinks of the tapa that Jeno always brings back whenever he comes from his home. He misses that too.

He doesn’t really miss everyone coming to their house to “pray” but are only really there for the food. He’s tired of their gossiping and their shit-talking as they eat up all of the pancit he cooked himself.

He doesn’t miss the cemetery either, with its narrow walkways and the graves stacked one on top of the other. It was his least favorite part of the whole thing, and it was the main part, so it wasn’t like he could just escape it.

Donghyuck just misses his family, their stories over bites of warm bibingka. He misses his uncles playing cards and letting him join, betting whatever coins he has in his pockets. He misses his mother turning on their videoke machine and passing the mic until the neighbors told them to shut up.

Still, though, this one time doesn’t hurt.

They go to church, and Jeno prays. He prays for those that he has lost, even the ones he never really knew.

Hyuck doesn’t pray, but he wishes for all the souls to have their peace. Everyone wronged, everyone taken too soon, everyone who couldn’t be found anymore. He wishes them all the peace, and lights a candle for them.

● ●

He likes Christmas for a lot of reasons. One: he has an excuse to look at all the pretty Christmas decor. Two: it’s very valid to eat 2 bibingkas a day, it’s the season for it. Three: he can sing all the Christmas carols without fear of being necked.

So really, Christmas is great.

Leaving for home, though, not his favorite thing. He misses home, of course, but what he has to go through to get there? Ugh.

Well, it could be worse, obviously. At least he can get on the bus that has a toilet in it. That was nice.

Often, though, the bus rides were tough on him. Bumpy roads, lowkey reckless drivers, dizzying turns, shitty movies on the little screen, airconditioning sure to freeze his bones, somebody’s bag flying out of the overhead bin and hitting him in the face. All part of his trip home, and that was just the bus part.

Jeno is with him today. The bus station is by a mall, so they do a little strolling around before Hyuck has to go. Hyuck buys slippers because the ones he had at the dorm were not salvageable after a dog had somehow found them and chewed them out. He also gets a few light gifts for his family, and pretty much no one else back at home. 

They have a quick lunch at the foodcourt, Donghyuck pretty much inhaling the food and trying to imprint it in his memory. As greasy as most food in the metro was, he was going to miss it in the three weeks that he was home. Jeno chuckles at how fast he’s eating even though they have two hours until he has to board the bus. He buys Hyuck a Dairy Queen ice cream, because he knows full well he’ll miss that too.

The day after, Jeno would be leaving to go to his hometown too. It took less than half a day to get there, so there wasn’t really any rush for him. Whereas with Hyuck, he had to go through the 16-hour trip. Bit unfair, really, but it’s not like there was another way that he could do.

In the foodcourt lighting, his boyfriend almost seemed to have a glow about him. Must be the fact that their semester is over and he can actually, truly rest now. His glasses are pushed up his nose, his hair a bit messy still from their jeep ride to here. One of his uni hoodies is pulled over his frame, and Hyuck knows too well that he was too lazy to wear a shirt underneath that. His other uni hoodie is on Hyuck, a bit big, but warm and smelling faintly of his soap.

He’ll miss him, that much he knows. The signal where he lives is shitty, and him getting a call through would be near impossible. He’ll miss their mornings, their little routines. He’ll miss his soothing voice. He’ll miss the random snuggles throughout the day.

Just three weeks. That wasn’t too bad. He can come back to their dorm with bibingka and all the fruit his mom will insist he bring back. He can come back, sooner than he’ll realize it.

Jeno holds his hand all the way to the inside of the bus. He lingers for a bit, since everyone was just boarding anyways. They don’t say anything, just holds onto each other and watches as people filter in. Hyuck wishes that he can come back to this feeling sooner.

Then, Jeno kisses him goodbye, a kiss to the forehead and on the mouth, quick and soft. He zips up the hoodie on Donghyuck’s frame, pats the space right above his heart.

“I’ll see you soon, Hyuckie,” he says, smile forming. “Merry Christmas.”

Donghyuck draws the curtain by his side, just as they’re backing out into the street. He sees Jeno wave at him, and he waves back.

“Merry Christmas, Jeno,” he whispers to the glass, before shutting his curtain.

● ●

**[MY mr. perfect]** **  
** **Morning!** **  
** **I hope you arrived safely** **  
** **Text me when you can** **  
** **Eat and rest up, alright? Long bus rides are draining** **  
** **I’m leaving for home today** **  
** **Hope I can talk to u later, if the signal’s okay?** **  
** **I love you, Hyuckie, stay safe!**

● ●

“How’d you know?”

Dahye barely flinches as she knocks back whatever concoction their aunts made for the family Christmas celebration this year. “How’d I know what?”

Hyuck swings his legs idly, feeling the cool stone of the balusters against his skin. “How’d you know I was gay?”

His sister nods slightly, looking out into the night. “Most people ask me how I knew _I_ was gay, not the other way around.” She tilts her cup, letting the liquid slosh around. “You’re asking because…?”

Shrugging, Hyuck takes her cup, sniffs it, and downs whatever’s left of it. It’s sickly sweet, and burns all the way down. Quite unlike last year’s, that made even the strongest drinker in his family almost throw it back up from how vile it was. “I just wanted to know. You were probably the first to notice, did I ever tell you that?”

The laugh that comes out of her sounds a lot like their mom. “Of course I did. I grew up with you. If I didn’t notice, I would have just not been looking.”

Hyuck crinkles the plastic in his hands. “That obvious?”

“Mmhmm.” She takes the cup from him before he crushes it. “I thought that it was normal, you know? Because I liked girls, so it was just normal for you to like boys. I didn’t know that people saw differently until one of our aunts pulled me aside and asked me if I had a boyfriend already.”

“Oh God. Aunt Sohye?”

“Yeah.” Even in the dark of the night, he could see the shift in her expression. “I was 9, why would she be asking me stuff like that? Anyways, I said I had a girlfriend, and she looked so scandalized.”

If Dahye was 9, Donghyuck would have been 13. He was already in his first year of high school by then. By that time, he had already known that he only really liked boys.

“I think Mama was the next one to find out. You kept talking about this guy, I forgot his name. But you kept talking about him every time you came home from school, and you just had this light in your eyes. Mama wasn’t really sure then, but she had a strong feeling.”

He sighs out into the night. “I was honestly surprised that they reacted the way they did. It just wasn’t typical of a very Christian, very Asian family.”

Dahye snorts. “You’re right. We got lucky. All three of us, gay, in a family that’s mostly conservative, in a place so far from the metro? Unheard of.” She shakes her head. “We’re too lucky. Sometimes I think I just imagined it.”

They had all come out to their family, about a year between each other. Their parents had taken it in stride, telling them that they would support them with whoever they chose to love. It definitely wasn’t what Donghyuck expected, but he’s appreciated it every day since. Not everyone had parents like theirs.

Donghyuck looks out, and he thinks he can just see the sea from where he is. “Do you think they’d let me marry Jeno?”

His sister is silent for a while, also looking at the inky sea. It wasn’t a question they knew a definitive answer to.

“You’re thinking of marrying him?”

“Yes. No. I guess” He deflates, leaning against the cold stone. “It’s just a thought.”

Even without looking at her, he knows she’s raised an eyebrow. “It’s not much of a question of whether Mama and Papa will allow _you_ . The question is if _he_ would be allowed to marry you.”

And there, she hits it at the bullseye. Dahye has always known too much. It’s both a blessing and a curse, and the truth that stings.

Suddenly, Donghyuck wishes he had more of that drink.

“You’re right.” He exhales. “You’re absolutely right.”

He hates the reality that Jeno might never be allowed to marry him, or any man. It doesn’t even matter all that much that it won’t be him, but the fact that Jeno will forever be forced to be the son that they want, the son that they want to see married to a girl, it makes his blood boil. All he wants is Jeno to be happy, to be given the right to choose what he wanted.

Donghyuck wanted to go to his family, tell them to either learn to accept Jeno and his choices or fuck all the way off.

Dahye bumps shoulders with him. “I want to see you get married to him. Honest.”

Turning to face her, he smiles, but he feels how sad it is. “Thank you. I-I want it too.”

It’s a little scary getting that out there, but it’s out. He does want it, want that life with Jeno. It doesn’t matter where they end up, he knows that wherever he is with Jeno would be just fine.

Her eyes glance down, staring at the cracks in the stone. “If only things were easier, huh?”

He nods. She’s right. Dahye is always right.

If only things were easier.

● ●

“Pa, do you remember Jeno?”

His dad chuckles as he stirs at the caldereta for their New Year’s feast. “I don’t think you’ll let me forget about him.”

Usually, Hyuck would just roll his eyes. He didn’t talk about his boyfriend _that_ much. He tried his best to just keep his updates about him brief and straight to the point, because answering questions just wasn’t something he was normally up to.

But now, he only fiddles with his fingers in his lap, lacing and unlacing them. When his dad notices that he doesn’t follow up on his statement, a crease starts to form in between his brows.

“Why? Did he do something wrong?” There’s that protective edge in his voice that Donghyuck knows too well. It almost makes him smile.

“No. I just. I’m thinking about him.”

“When are you not thinking about him?”

“Pa, listen!”

His dad chuckles. “Okay, okay, I’m listening.” He stops stirring, turning to face Hyuck. “Why are you thinking about him?”

Donghyuck bites the inside of his cheek. “I’m thinking about how he is with his family right now.”

A thick eyebrow cocks up. “Why? Are there...problems?”

It feels like a stone has settled in the pit of Hyuck’s stomach. “Yeah. Well, for one, they don’t like me.”

Placing a hand on his hip, his father’s face contorts into something bordering angry. “Their reason?”

He gulps. He has never told his parents this before. “They don’t want him dating a boy, Pa.”

His father takes in a deep breath, pushes his glasses up into his hair. He looks like he either wants to throw the ladle or go to their house himself. “How-how do I help?”

And it warms Donghyuck’s heart, that his dad wants to help. He really is lucky.

“I dunno, Pa. I can’t let you just storm their house and have a discussion with them, you know.”

“Now that you’ve given me the idea…”

“Pa.”

“Okay, okay. Not that. What then?”

Taking in a deep breath, Hyuck steels himself. He might as well say it.

“If we confront his family, if we go to them and explain and they still don’t accept him, would it be alright if he stays with us?” It’s a little difficult to look his dad in the eye right now, but he convinces himself that he can do it. He hasn’t been in a Communications course for years to not be able to look at his dad while he talked. “I mean, he’s going to have a job by then, so he can pay expenses, and he can help around the house! Just...I just wanted him to be someplace safe, until he could live on his own. Would it be okay?”

He doesn’t like asking his parents for anything. Since he was 10, he always got what he wanted because he himself did something to get it. May it be that Camp Rock magazine on the bookshelves or his own phone or learning how to write articles. His parents weren’t going to give everything to him, so he thought that he might as well give it to himself.

But this, he just wants to ask this one thing of them.

In front of him, his father looks at him for a long moment. “Will Jeno be alright with that?” The question makes Donghyuck look up at him. “I mean, I know that the situation is not the best over at his home, but that doesn’t mean it’s automatically easy to leave that and his family. Not to mention, how far he’ll be from the place he grew up in, the place he’s most familiar with. Is he alright with that?”

It’s true. The move, the changes, it would be scary. Jeno hasn’t even come here to his home, to his real home yet. 

Heart beating against his ribs, Donghyuck replies, with all the certainty in the world because he knows the answer, he’s asked before, “Yes.”

“Then okay.” His dad nods, the beginnings of a smile on his face. “Okay. He can stay here.”

“Really?” He almost jumps out of his chair. “Do you mean it, Pa?”

His dad wipes a hand on his apron, coming over to pinch Hyuck’s nose. “Yes, really. That boy makes you happy, and we’d do what we can to protect him.”

It feels like a weight has been lifted off his chest, and he can just jump and soar in the sky. He could have Jeno stay here, safe and sound, with people that are more than willing to welcome him. It was more than he could have ever asked for.

● ●

Donghyuck and Jeno’s first date was at a silog place, one of those places that they actually discovered accidentally while they got lost the first few times they went around campus.

Their morning classes had been cancelled, and they were already dressed anyways. Donghyuck hadn’t gotten breakfast yet, so he took Jeno’s hand and got him into a jeep, not saying where they were going. He had wished that he still remembered correctly how to get there, that little place tucked into somewhere most people wouldn’t expect. At that time, they were the only passengers in the jeep, the wind whipping at their hair and the driver’s music of choice blasting in the speakers.

He did remember correctly where the silog place was, but they had gotten off early just to be sure. They had walked to it, hand in hand, and it suddenly felt like a new feeling. There they were, broad daylight, holding each other’s hands as boyfriends. He quite liked the feeling.

The chairs in the silog place weren’t the most stable, so they rocked back and forth. Jeno had ordered for the both of them, already having memorized what they usually got. Tocilog for Hyuck, and tapsilog for Jeno. They also got packets of Milo by the counter, picking up mugs from a rack by the side and making their own morning Milo.

Across from him, Jeno had stirred at his drink, looking around the place. It was all wood and tarpaulins of vulcanizing shops, with their mismatched plates and bowls on the shelves nearby. In a corner, there was the water dispenser and glasses, as well as a tray of all the condiments. Behind them, the cars and jeepneys whizzed by, carrying students and teachers. It seemed to smell eternally of garlic rice and eggs frying, and there was no better place to be.

Under the small table, Jeno had bumped knees with him. “Is this...a date?”

Donghyuck had chuckled. “It can be. Do you want it to be?”

A smile had spread across Jeno’s features, as warm as the morning sunlight. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

When their food arrived, they had spent the first few bites in relative silence, just eating and being in each other’s presence. A radio was playing somewhere, songs from the early 90s filling in the lulls in the kitchen sounds. Nothing about it felt like they were pressured or anything, and Hyuck thought it just might be his favorite first date ever.

He had honestly thought that it would be awkward, that they’d be dancing around each other not knowing what to say or do. They’ve been on other dates, yeah, but that had been different. It was _them_. He just didn’t know what to expect, because how were first dates with your best-friend-turned-boyfriend supposed to go?

It was then that he learned that they weren’t all that different from all the other times they went out together. He’d tell Jeno stories about his professors while Jeno would complain about one of his long exams. They’d laugh about that one time in high school that they both wore the wrong uniform to school. Somehow, they’d fall into little silences, never weird, as comfortable as they’d always been.

And it was all he wanted. That ease with him, knowing that he doesn’t have to push anything down anymore. That there was nothing to hide in between the both of them anymore. He loved Jeno, and Jeno loved him. And they were together, and as new as it had been, it felt like they had been together for years.

Maybe that was right, in a way. They _had_ been together for years before that. Years of growing with each other, learning about each other, braving everything their life threw at them. It had always been the both of them for as long as he could remember.

That was the thing. All that time, they just slotted into each other, fitting like puzzle pieces. How they never noticed it, how they never really brought it up to mean something more than friendship is beyond him.

Not that it mattered now. All their doubts, all the times they pretended to not have those feelings for the sake of each other, that was in the past. They had each other now, they really did, and he knew that both of them didn’t want to let go.

It felt like things finally fell into place. And it was worth it, of course it was, because looking at Jeno didn’t make him feel like tearing his own heart out lest it betray him. No, looking at him made him feel like the sun would keep shining, despite all the rain in his life. Jeno made him feel like he could always be at home, wherever he was.

Jeno had bumped knees with him again. “We’re not just gonna do this sort of thing when our classes get cancelled right?”

Donghyuck had grinned at him, felt the laughter bubbling up his chest. “We’re gonna do this sort of thing whenever we can. This, and other things.”

In the bright sunlight, he’d seen Jeno’s ears turn pink. “Oh. Yeah, yeah. We are.”

And he had meant it. He’d do breakfasts like this with him, their dinners at convenience stores like they usually do, all their occasional milk tea runs. He’d walk from building to building with him, ride the jeeps with him, cross over to the nearby mall with him to experience a little airconditioning. He’d study with him, cram with him, groan about exams with him. He’d hold his hand the entire way. There’s so many things he’d do with Lee Jeno, all those things he’d already done before and so much more.

He had reached out to hold Jeno’s hand again. “We are. From now on. It’s always you and me, yeah?”

Jeno’s smile had widened. “Yeah. It’s always us.”

● ●

On New Year’s Eve, Jeno’s call finally gets through. Donghyuck wipes his hands on his apron, stepping away from the stove and giving the wooden spoon to Dahye, who looks at him with confusion. He motions at his phone, mouthing that he needs to take the call, and she just complies and goes up to the pot of spaghetti.

Once he’s out onto their terrace, he presses the answer button.

“Jeno?” he says. He hopes to the heavens that he can actually hear him this time, not with all the static and the cutting off.

 _“Hyuckie.”_ Jeno’s voice sounds far away still, but it’s clearer now. Donghyuck almost melts into the stone. _“Hello.”_

Taking a deep breath, he says, “Hi.” It’s all he can really muster at this point, even though he’d already spent days agonizing over the shitty signal. Just hearing his voice made his mind blank out. “Hi, Jeno.”

He tries to imagine the smile on his boyfriend’s face. _“How are you?”_ Jeno asks. It’s a bit louder now, like he’s closer to the mic of the phone. Donghyuck wishes he could get even closer. _“Everything okay over there?”_

Hyuck looks back at his house, with all the sounds of cooking and his uncles using the videoke machine. “Yeah, everything’s okay. I was cooking.”

_“Oh, did I disturb you?”_

“No, not at all.”

There’s a chuckle then, and oh, how Donghyuck misses that. _“How long can I keep talking to you? I mean, considering the signal and how busy you are.”_

He holds onto the stone of the railing that surrounds the terrace. “As long as you can. I missed you.” He’s surprised his voice didn’t tremble towards the end.

 _“Missed you too, Hyuckie.”_ Jeno takes in a breath, like he’s trying to calm himself. _“I missed you so much.”_

Sitting down on one of the monobloc chairs from Christmas here on the terrace, Hyuck presses his phone even closer to his ear. “How about you? How are you over there?”

There’s silence for a few moments, and he understands the hesitation. Jeno can’t just speak about certain things while he was there.

_“I’m okay. It’s just… It’s how it always is around here.”_

Donghyuck wants to cry, wants to fly back and go get Jeno and bring him here. It’s unfair, how Jeno, the sweetest human being he’s ever met, is subjected to all the crap in his own home. God, he’d do so much to get him out of there.

“Tell me if it’s too much okay?” he says, and he feels breathless. “I’m here, I’m always here.”

_“I love you, Hyuckie.”_

And it almost makes him sob, how far Jeno is, how he can’t reach him and hold him and assure him that he’s not going anywhere. He looks up at the night sky, thinking about how they’ll soon be welcoming another year. Donghyuck wishes things would change.

“I love you too.” It’s almost choked out, and he feels the tears stinging his eyes. “I love you so much, Jeno.”

After a pause, Jeno says, a bit too softly, _“I have a New Year’s resolution.”_

Donghyuck wipes at his nose. “Yeah? What is it?”

It takes a beat before Jeno answers, as if he’s steeling himself to tell him. _“I want to be braver this coming year, Hyuckie. I don’t want to be afraid anymore.”_

And that, _that_ makes him cry. He cries out on his home terrace, grateful that the sounds from inside drown out his sobbing. It means so, so much that Jeno is saying that. It means so much that he doesn’t want to be afraid anymore, whatever it is. That’s such a big step, and he knows it’s in the right direction.

 _“Don’t cry, baby, I’m sorry.”_ Jeno’s voice says, and Hyuck could almost feel him reaching out to wipe his tears away. _“Please don’t cry.”_

He shakes his head, even though Jeno can’t see. “No,” he gets out, and it sounds so broken. “I’m just… I’m so proud, okay? I know this is hard, and I just want to say I’m so, so proud.”

There’s sniffling on the other end too, and he can imagine Jeno smiling that smile he does when he’s crying. _“I’ll be braver, for you and me both. I promise, Hyuckie.”_

“I love you,” is all Donghyuck can give in reply. His heart is beating against his ribs, and it’s painful, but he feels everything at once and it’s almost magical. God, he loves him.

 _“I love you too,”_ Jeno tells him, soft and heartbreaking. _“With everything I have.”_

Donghyuck looks up at the night sky, at all the stars he can see here, and he wishes for everything on them.

● ●

**[MY mr. perfect]** **  
** **You’re coming back to Manila today, right?** **  
** **Keep safe!** **  
** **I’ll see u really soon** **  
** **I love u**

● ●

The dorm is still empty when he comes back, hauling his bags and the styro chest full of fruit. He decides to tidy up a little, get things back in their usual order so that he could settle down. It smells like dust and firecrackers and stale bread here, and he thinks he’s now truly back in town.

He takes a few selfies to send to the groupchat, and post to his stories. It was the start of a new year, and the start of another semester. Donghyuck is determined to make sure to clean away the cobwebs of the past year.

Halfway through his cleaning, he hears the door open. Turning, he sees the person at the door.

Jeno’s in that hoodie he last saw him in before he left. His glasses are a bit fogged from condensation, and his hair is even messier. Wordlessly, he sets down his bags by the doorway and goes straight for Hyuck.

Donghyuck opens his arms in time, lets his boyfriend crash into them. He cards his fingers through his hair, holding him close as he feels the first of tears dampen his shirt.

● ●

It’s Valentine’s day, and Donghyuck is already a little high on sugar.

It started with the cup of hot chocolate that Jeno had made for him, with an attempt at a pink marshmallow heart which was nothing but pink swirls once he got to it. The chocolate was sweeter than he would normally go for, but it’s Valentine’s, anyways. He could be forgiven for that.

Later on, when he gets himself lunch, he sees Chenle and Jisung. Chenle gives him a bag of hard candies, all of them having a tiny sun imprinted on them. Jisung gives him a whole container of cookies that his mom baked, and Hyuck munches on them before and after he has his lunch.

By the time he gets to Jeno’s org room to wait for him so they could go together to the fair, he’s already had a handful of the candies and around 6 cookies. He’s buzzing, practically skipping up the steps of the building.

Renjun is there, because of course he is, and he has a cupcake for Hyuck. It’s dark chocolate with a raspberry frosting, little heart sprinkles on it. Of course, it’s not like Hyuck can resist such a cute thing. That would be just mean.

So, he downs the cupcake in two bites. Just respect for how cute it is.

When Jaemin arrives, Hyuck is on the couch, head on Renjun’s shoulder. He scowls up at him. 

“Please tell me you don’t have a dessert for me too,” he groans. Like this, he could probably fall asleep, the sugar in his veins making him want to just snuggle up and pass out.

Jaemin chuckles, plopping down on Donghyuck’s other side. “Not a dessert. Pesto pasta. I made some today, lots of parmesan on top.”

That makes him perk up a little, detaching himself momentarily from Renjun’s shoulder. He doesn’t need to say anything before Jaemin is already taking out his lunchbox, and opening it. Jaemin makes a bite for him, and somehow, the pasta makes him feel a bit more human.

Jeno is there with water bottles, opening one for his boyfriend. “How much sugar have you had today?”

From Renjun’s shoulder again, Hyuck giggles. “A lot.”

That makes Jeno do something of a cross between a snort and a sigh. He hands him the water and tells him to drink up. “Try to nap now, okay?”

Nodding drowsily, Donghyuck smiles up at him. He _is_ feeling a nap now, it would be great. It doesn’t take much for him to fall asleep, just closing his eyes and dropping off into slumber on somebody’s shoulder.

He wakes up in the afternoon, wrapped around...Jisung. The younger boy pokes at his cheek, trying to get him to move. “Hyung, you’re heavy.” Somewhere in the room, he can hear Chenle laughing.

It takes a bit of effort, but he detaches himself from Jisung, flopping onto the couch. He stares up at the ceiling for a moment, with all its waterspots and fading paint. It’s not long before he feels himself being poked in the stomach.

“Earth to Duckie,” Renjun coos. The object prodding Hyuck’s stomach feels suspiciously like Renjun’s Apple Pencil. “Come on, we’re gonna leave in a bit.”

Somehow, he hoists himself up, blinking sleepily. When he looks around, he registers that his friends are all here, and are just waiting for him. On the couch, Jisung is already rooting through his bag, for his ticket presumably.

They manage to get to the Sunken Garden before the line gets really long, and they relish in the relatively smaller crowd for now. As with tradition, they go through the food stalls one by one, trying out new ones and enjoying the ones they’ve already tried and loved before.

When they’re here, it feels like so many other things just melt away. They don’t think about exams, or their deadlines, or any of their other burdens. Just for now, they can forget, and enjoy themselves at the end of a long week.

He doesn’t think of how this might be the last university fair with his boyfriend as a student here. Definitely not the last, ever, but it’s just different once you’re not in the university anymore. For now, Donghyuck wants to enjoy their traditions, before the inevitable change.

Jeno’s hand is in his jeans pocket everywhere they go, keeping him close but not too much. His hand is warm, even through the denim, and Hyuck quite appreciates that. He feeds him shawarma and fried potato twists and corndogs, laughing at him when he spills sauce over himself but ultimately helping him clean it up too.

In between the food stalls, they visit the booths with the games. Chenle wins Jisung a huge green teddy bear from a ring toss, and Renjun gets Jaemin another dog plushie to add to his collection once he wins a shooting game. Jaemin’s camera flashes every now and then, capturing them in many different states of joy and focus, be it during a game or while munching down on more food.

By the time they decide to go to the clearing near the stage, Donghyuck already has a few polaroids stuffed into a different pocket. He’s not even 100% sure how they turned out, but it’s the memories in them that counted.

A band is already on the stage, performing, and people are swaying to their music. It sounds melancholic almost, the song wrapping around all of them like a blanket.

 _Bawat ngiti_ _  
_ _Bawat luha_ _  
_ _Bawat gising_ _  
_ _Bawat pikit_ _  
_ _Bawat hangin na tinatanggap_ _  
_ _Bawat buga_ _  
_ _At habang ika'y yinayakap nang maigi_ _  
_ _Binubulong ang dalangin 'wag sana maglaho sa hangin_

It might just become a song that Donghyuck sings to Jeno, whenever he can’t quite sleep. 

In front of them, Jaemin seems to snuggle into Renjun’s neck, and Renjun is laughing breathlessly the whole time. Not so subtly, Jisung takes off his jacket to drape over Chenle’s shoulders, and even though Chenle looks at him weird, he doesn’t protest against it. Looking at them makes Donghyuck feel content.

 _Ang bawat piyesa na bumubuo sa'yo_ _  
_ _Bawat piyesang nawa'y mapasaakin_ _  
_ _Habang-buhay_

Jeno wraps his arms around his waist, resting his chin on Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Do you know this song?”

 _Dito ka na lang habambuhay_ _  
_ _Dito ka na lang habambuhay_ _  
_ _Dito ka na lang habambuhay_ _  
_ _Habang-buhay_

He shakes his head. “No, but I like it.”

The sky is gently being painted with streaks of orange and pink, and he takes some time to stare at it. He breathes deeply, closing his eyes.

 _O ang init ng iyong balat_ _  
_ _At bawat sinulid ng iyong buhok_ _  
_ _Dumadaan ang ilaw sa mga bulsa't dumarating sa akin_ _  
_ _At habang ika'y niyayakap nang maigi_ _  
_ _Binubulong ang dalangin 'wag sana maglaho sa hangin_

“Are you making a wish?” Jeno asks him, voice barely above a whisper.

 _Ang bawat piyesa na bumubuo sa'yo_ _  
_ _Bawat piyesang nawa'y mapasaakin_ _  
_ _Habambuhay_

“Yeah,” he admits, squeezing the hands clasped in front of his stomach. “I am.”

“What are you wishing for, Hyuckie?”

 _Dito ka na lang habambuhay_ _  
_ _Dito ka na lang habambuhay_ _  
_ _Dito ka na lang habambuhay_ _  
_ _Habambuhay_

He only turns his head to look at him. Jeno’s wide eyes make him smile, and he smooches the tip of his nose.

Donghyuck doesn’t answer the question.

● ●

Donghyuck finds the exact same spot just outside of where they studied for their finals 3 years ago. It feels exactly the same, except it’s mid-afternoon right now. He sits down, the pavement warm through his jeans.

“So, Jeno, what do you want to tell me today?”

Three years ago, Jeno told him he loved him right here, and they cried together until they just couldn’t anymore. It feels both so long ago and just yesterday.

His boyfriend grins at him, shaking his head. He takes a seat next to him, closer than those few years back. “What do you want me to tell you?”

They’ve just gotten Jeno’s _sablay_ , neatly tucked into his backpack now. He was going to have his graduation photos taken this weekend, and he already had his _barong_ ready for it. When they had gotten it, Jeno had stared at it for several long moments, unbelieving that he could actually have his own.

He was graduating soon. It wasn’t long until he finished his last requirements and turned them in, a signal to the end of his years in the university. The graduation rites will follow, and he’ll be able to wear his _sablay_ as a graduate. He was so close. 

It’s a Monday, and there’s not many people around. Here, in their little spot by the road, it feels like it’s just them.

“Tell me what you want to do after you graduate,” Hyuck urges.

Jeno sighs, looking out into space. “I want a lot of things, Hyuckie.”

“Like what?”

One of Jeno’s hands pats his backpack, as if assuring that his _sablay_ is still there. “Like a job I actually like, something I want to wake up and want to go to.”

Donghyuck nods. He wants that too. “What else?”

Pursing his lips, Jeno thinks of an answer. “I want to be able to live without worrying if I’ll be accepted or not.”

Carefully, Hyuck threads his fingers through the spaces between Jeno’s, and he holds on tight. “Yes.”

“I want to be me, to stop hiding who I am and who I love.”

Hyuck rests his forehead on his shoulder. “Yes.”

He feels Jeno take in a breath, deep and not shaky at all. “I want to be proud of myself, of every bit of progress I am able to make.”

Squeezing Jeno’s hand, Donghyuck says, “You will be.”

“I won’t be afraid to do the things I want anymore.”

“Never again.”

Fingers gently tilt his chin up, so that he’s eye to eye with his boyfriend. “And I want to take you home. My home, and tell my family about you. If they accept us, that will be great, and I’ll welcome you into my family officially. If not, well, fuck them, I am not theirs to control anymore. Whatever happens,” he presses a kiss onto Hyuck’s forehead, “we still have each other, and there’s no way I’ll let anything take that away.”

He feels the corners of his mouth tilt up in a smile. “You make me so proud, Jeno, you know that? You’re braver and stronger than you think, and I am so lucky to have you by my side. I’ll be here, always, through whatever you choose to do. I’ll be brave with you too.”

Jeno smiles, his eyes fluttering closed. With a hand, he guides Donghyuck in so that they could press their foreheads together. “It’s always us, huh?”

Donghyuck’s heart beats steadily in his chest. He breathes in, the scent of Jeno and warm pavement and sunshine in his lungs.

“It’ll always be us.”

● ●

**[MY mr. perfect]** **  
** **Good morning Hyuckie!** **  
** **It’s the day.** **  
** **I’m so nervous hhhhhhh** **  
** **I shouldn’t be, right?** **  
** **I know you’d tell me not to be nervous, because it’s just the graduation** **  
** **It’s not like I have to do anything more at the graduation rites** **  
** **But yeah, I’m just. Yeah.** **  
** **I’m here now, it’s today** **  
** **I’m so! Scared! Fuck!** **  
** **Okay okay I’m gonna get myself to eat breakfast** **  
** **And maybe stare at my sablay** **  
** **Idk** **  
** **See u later, yeah? I’ll find u in the crowd, promise** **  
****Love u Hyuckie** **  
** **Can’t wait to put my sablay on u**

**Author's Note:**

> you've reached the end, thank you so much! ♡
> 
> here are the songs that aren't in english, should you need a translation: [1st](https://www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/Ben-Ben-3/Araw-Araw/translation/english) | [2nd](https://www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/Munimuni/Bawat-Piyesa)
> 
> [pinterest board](https://www.pinterest.ph/bundoie/tayo-series/atin/)  
> [yt playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFnfzZqGvN79Ot5OVKYkB_Xs3CCH49o3t)
> 
> if you liked reading this, do drop a kudos, comment, or a bookmark! i appreciate every single one of them ♡
> 
> you can talk to me over at my [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/evnsangcvlt) or my [twt](https://twitter.com/bundoie) ♡
> 
> have a great day!


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